Hello All,
My wife has been having an affair for over a year now. We have been married 12 years and we have 2 young girls, 9 and 10.
I have known about it for over 10 months, when the OM texted me all the details of their affair because he was mad at her for going on a family vacation with me. This guy is a real piece of work.
They work together in the travel industry - they fly on trips together and get to spend 4 days at a time away from home with each other uninterrupted by children, responsibilities, etc. I am also in the industry and am gone 3-4 days a week, so we have been working increasingly opposite schedules of late, trying to make sure the children have a parent around as much as possible.
I have tried to be patient, waiting for this affair to run its course. It's been hell. Naturally, there have been fights about it, but she can never make a decision to stay or leave. She is conflicted with leaving to be with "the only man she has ever truly loved" (from a text I read that the OM sent to me) and tearing our family apart.
I've exposed her affair to friends and family, but that has just angered her and she has removed herself from everyone that truly loves her. The OM is the only person she really talks to.
I think I've finally reached my breaking point, as the lies continue about where she is flying to. When I dig and find out, it is all lies. She trades assignments so she can fly with him.
How far can anyone go living like this? I'm trying to keep my family together, but I'm being destroyed in the process. I don't know if I could ever trust her again even if she decides to stay with me.
Any advice?

Hi Elcapitan, welcome to Marriage Builders. The affair has gone on so long that it will be hard to save this. I would start making plans now to separate in addition to doing to a very thorough exposure. Did you expose to your children? The OM's friends and family? All of your family members? While it is too little, too late, that might help somewhat.

The problem with putting up with an affair so long is that you will start having emotional and physical problems. That is when it is time to separate. I would contact an attorney and start making plans to move out.

Do you have the book Survivng an Affair? If not, get it on kindle for PC's and read it. You need to read about Plan B.

That is what I'm afraid of. I feel I have let this go on for way too long.
I have not exposed to the children. I feel they are too young. My opinion. But I'm afraid they will find out soon enough.
The house was mine before my marriage, and an attorney says it will stay that way. I think her plan is to move out.
I have read the Surviving an Affair (several times). I should have followed it more closely early on. I guess I'm just naive.

Yes, they will find out. If you don't tell them the truth, your wife will tell them lies. Your daughters are 9 and 10 so they are plenty old enough to be told. Most 4 yr olds can understand. Your kids need to know what your wife has done so they can be prepared.


Dr Harley doesn't suggest kicking a wayward wife out but if she will move out, that would be great. I would suggest you see an attorney asap and get this going so you can go into a pitch black Plan B.


So you are familiar with Plan B?

Yes, I've read the books and know about Plan B. I guess I've been stuck in Plan A enduring the pain for so long.

Dr Harley does recommend a longer Plan A for men, but when it starts affecting their health, he recommends Plan B.

That being said, I am unclear about whether or not you have done a complete exposure. You haven't exposed to your children, for example. What about the other targets I mentioned? That is a critical step in damaging the affair.

Have you exposed the affair to the OM's family and OM's boss? That could be very helpful in your situation.

Here Exposing to Children

thank you all

Have you told your kids?

Bumping for ElCApitan..

You need to re-expose the affair saying that WW restarted it.

You must expose the kids. They need to be told that mom's and dad's do not have BG/GF and go on dates with them. Well mom has a BF (tell them OM's name) and is going out on dates with the OM. Close with that what mom is doing is know as having an affair, aka Cheating, infidelity.

Being this is a work place affair you need to do a work place exposure as well as require that your WW give up this job so there is NC with the OM.

Also WW needs new phone number and block every access OM has of contacting her.