I am not sure I belong on this site because no infidelity is involved. And I no longer believe it is possible for us to stay together under the circumstances. But I desparately need to talk to someone and I don't want anyone in my life to know what is going on. And I don't want to diminish my husband in the eyes of anyone. He has been neglectful to me and our marriage for years. Depressed and wanting to be left alone. But I believe he is , at core, a good man. He has changed in the last 15 years, giving up on life. He is an alcoholic and is a mean, hostile drunk�.in words only, he isn't violent. But the words he has used should never be said to someone you love. He is not a falling down drunk (except a couple of times.) Kind of a closet alcoholic but it has gotten out of control for him and he can't stop. He has anger issues and has a great deal of hostility and resentment becasue in his words "This isn't the life I want". Meaning family responsibilities, home responsibilities, job responsibilities, family get togethers and compromise and caring that is required in a marriage. I am all about family and doing family things. Also, he has found a love of guns (I am pro gun control). A bad combination for a man who drinks, is depressed and frequently suicidel. He brougnt a loaded gun into our bedroom a few night ago (drunk) and put it in the night stand. He didn't remember doing it. He has lapses of time he can't remember. I was in bed when he came home late at night�but not asleep. I head him put something in the nightstand and found it the next morning. He has swore he didn't have a gun when I asked him a month ago. I love my husband. I mourn the loss of the man I married. I don't think he loves me. I think he wants away from our marriage. And I know I can not live with him as things are escalating so far out of normal. Just talk to me, please.

Welcome to MB.

Please read these (there are three letters) from Dr. Harley and tell us what you think.
What to Do with an Alcoholic Spouse

I read the article "WHat to Do with an Alcoholic Spouse". I tend to agree with part of it. I don't think an alcoholic can focus on his wife or family. Or anything else for that matter. So I think he will never be able to help fix a marriage because he doesn't see himself as the problem. My husband wants to quit drinking but can't seem to do it and it's getting worse. My husband has not been unfaithful or phsically abused our children which the article seems to thing happens a lot. My husband does not go out to drink so he is not exposed to other women while in the weakened state. It is sad that everything I have read says the same thing. An alcoholic can stop drinking. But most of them don't for very long. Which makes my situation seem hopeless. Besides the emotional trauma of making a life apart from my husband, I will have very little money. Moving from a nice house, into who knows what. I will change from being a wife to being alone. I am not engaging in any talk about his leaving until after Christmas.

You need to separate until your husband joins an AA group and is sober. You and your kids are in danger -- he brought a loaded gun into your bedroom and he doesn't remember doing it! Your husband is not in control of himself.

You are in danger, and you need to leave now before it is too late.

Expose your husband's alcoholism to your friends, family and church. Ask for help. This is not putting him down, diminishing him, or dragging his name through the mud. He needs help, and the only way he will get help is if everybody knows there's a problem. You need help, too. They can't help you unless you let them know there's a problem.