My husband and I have been together for 6 1/2 years and married for 4 1/2 of those years. We have 2 kids together. The problem is being physical. We never even touch each other. No hugs, kisses, and sex is not often. The sex started to slow down before we had kids but we still cuddled and kissed. I have tried so many times and he pushes me away. I just cant keep trying. I have asked him why he doesnt want to and he always has excuses. He says he doesnt think about sex, he doesnt like kissing, on a whole list of other excuses. Its not because we dont have to time either. Both the kids where asleep at 7:30 last night and he said we couldnt have sex because he had to get up early to go to work but he stayed up until 11 playing on the computer. Thats 3 1/2 hours we could have spent together. He just chooses not to. Even when we do have sex i cant enjoy it because i feel like we have become roomates. I just dont know what else i can do to make things work. I cant spend another 6 years like this. Thanks for your help.

AF2004,
Sorry you are here. How old are you both? How affectionate were you earlier in your M. Do you know what your H does on the computer?

GG

I am 23 and he is 26. We where really affectionate early in our marriage. I asked him if he was bored or is there something i can do and he says no hes not bored and its not me but i dont know. He plays games online. He doesnt play as much as he did but it still takes up all his free time.

Do these games involve talking to other people? Or is it just like a solitaire card game?

For today, look on this site and find the info about Love Busters. Read all you can find about it. Find the questionnaire. Print it out and fill your out (what he does to bother you). Ask him to fill out one. If he refuses, tell him you're going to have to guess what his LBs are, so it would be better if he'd just let you know. If you have to, sit next to him and read out all the questions and fill out his answers. Then come back and tell us what they are (what you do that annoys him).

Thanks for your advice. The games are online and he is playing with other people. Yesterday I walked up behind him to ask him something and some girl was talking about sex to him. He says he wasnt saying anything to her but come on. She is on his buddy list. He cheated on me when we first started dating but i thought that was behind us but maybe not. He has numbers on his phone that he says are guy friends but i found a message from the guy friend today that said "cum bi today". I just dont know anymore. I dont want to accuse him of something and i know he wouldnt say he was cheating and i dont have any real proof. I will try to get him to do what you suggested tomorrow . Thanks for your help

Yep, he's cheating. Go to Radio Shack and buy a voice-activated recorder, tape it under the seat of his car, and check it regularly. Go online and buy a keylogger (I use refog) and install it on his computer. Check the phone numbers called on your bills. Ask your friends to follow him. Gather your evidence. Then decide what to do.

So sorry to tell you this, but I think cat's right. He's having at the least an emotional affair, but that text message is a big red flag for a physical affair.

Also... post your question on the Infidelity GQ II board. It is much more active and there are people there with loads of experience in this area.

Learn to trust your intuition. Your intuition brought you here for a reason. I agree with Cat and think you should do what she suggests. The small investment in a few electronic devices will save you a lot of heartache in the future. Sometimes the truth is scarey. Denial on your part is saving him a lot in child support, and he knows that. He's counting on your denial to make it unnecessary for him to self examine and look at what he's doing to himself, you, and the kids.

My advice would be to keep a file somewhere secret - print off all evidence that you find online with the keylogger to determine if he is having an affair or watching porn or whatever. Don't tell him what you're doing. If you get angry, remove yourself from his presence so that you don't prematurely tell him what you know. Be quiet about it and get a good solid plan for yourself and your kids.