Seriously has anyone on these forums had a baby and just not wanted to have sex? Screaming, crying, bathing, feedings, getting out of the car one hundred times a day with three kids.

hold her hand,

sorry I don't agree with you what so ever on the paranoia. The neglect and insecurity I get, but paranoia being defined as "baseless or excessive suspicion of the motives of others." His personality by nature is critical and analytical. It wasn't until he hit these forums that he got paranoid because of other infidelities and their experiences. He created ideas in his head that he analyzed, stewed over, and thought of constantly.

I'm not making excuses or reasons, but I definitely told him about my lack of sexual drive during this time with the baby. I've always told him how much I appreciate him and how I love his help with the cooking, kids, around the house and how hard he works. That has never been left off the table. Seriously has anyone on these forums had a baby and just not wanted to have sex? Screaming, crying, bathing, feedings, getting out of the car one hundred times a day with three kids. I love my kids and yes it is exhausting. A good mother is exhausted if she is doing her job. I think I passed out with the baby on the couch the first two months by 7:30 or 8:00 everynight. That leaves a lot of time for sex! Again he has always been told how much I appreciate him. I have been terrible at hugging and cuddling with him I admit and of course now I know how important that is. But you are WRONG on the paranoia.

Personally, I just don't think a lot of you understand. I've just been accused three times from my husband of having an affair without any evidence, ZERO!!! I'm open access to anything. Then he makes a revolting comment last night after I just fulfilled his biggest need. This hurts and on top of all this I just gave this man our third beautiful, healthy child and God help me for lacking in the sexual department and caring for his children. I'm all about opening up and caring and showing my husband I care about him as well. But I'm NOT just going to lay down here and take it. I'm fighting for my marriage, my self dignity and my children! You think I'm a little offended lately, then your right on the mark!!! I'm willing to move on from his disgusting comment from last night, why can't he move on from anything as simple as not texting him back in two seconds.

Children desperately need parents who stay married to each other, and love each other. Their future depends on it. Yet, their parents are very likely to lose their love for each other after they arrive, because they forget why they married.

They didn't marry to raise children -- they married to meet each other's intimate emotional needs. And the presence of children tends to make them think that they don't have time and energy to meet those needs anymore. When that happens, they lose their primary motive to be married -- their love for each other.

A man and woman usually decide to marry because they have formed a very successful romantic relationship -- they are in love with each other and are meeting each other's intimate emotional needs. They want to make that romantic relationship last a lifetime, so they marry. At the time, they are optimistic about keeping their love for each other alive, and they don't expect anything to threaten that love -- least of all, children. But if they were to understand how their love was created, and how it is sustained, they would immediately see why children are such a risk.

He is definitely allowed to have his own feelings. My problem has been that he won't ever express them!!

I am trying to SHOW him there is no sense to the paranoia.

At the time we rationalize our disrespect by convincing ourselves that we're doing our spouses a big favor, to lift them from the darkness of their confusion into the light of our superior perspective. If they would only follow our advice, we tell ourselves, they could avoid many of life's pitfalls-and we would also get what we want.

why can't he move on from anything as simple as not texting him back in two seconds.

NOBODY is excusing HIS behavior, it is being insisted BY YOU that we are.

NOBODY expects you to "lay down and take" abuse. NOBODY.

As for caring for the children, here is what the word is here;


Caring for Children Means Caring for Each Other.

Yes, you have an infant. Yes, it's hard on a mother, especially with 2 other young children. No, you aren't going to be all amped up for sex.

NOBODY is stating any of that, that again is YOUR insistence.

I will say this; don't use "being a mother" as yet another excuse for treating your husband like crap. NOT ACCEPTABLE.

It's what has destroyed your marriage, and continuing to do so is just going to continue to destroy your marriage and your husband's love for you.

You aren't "offended" you are defensive. Don't defend a bad marriage. Allow the people here, who have seen hells you cannot imagine (or, as you like to state "we don't think you understand") and have gone on to create loving, romantic marriages.

We are promoting your HAPPINESS.

Knock off the crap, OK?

Tgrace,

I realize that I have been dry and direct. I realize that this is all counter to what you have lived until now.

It's tough.

I just want to say; kudos to you for continuing to come back.

You CAN do this, if you WANT it.

Don't disrespect your husband to your friends... it's a disgusting thing to do, and if he did that to you, I'm sure you would be quite upset.

grace, you may have already said this, so forgive me: how old is your new baby? You had a C-section, right, which is surgery? You are nursing, so your baby is eating more often probably. How many uninterrupted hours of sleep do you get? Has your incision healed? Is there still soreness? What about your mood? Do you feel overwhelmed, alone, exhausted? Does your body feels different - yet again - after having another person inside you?

I ask because twice I experienced post-partem depression.....and neither time did I have anyone....ANYONE...who supported me beyond "get your selfish head out of your [censored] and be a better mommy and wife." What do you need, right now, to help you even be able to have the emotional and physical energy to work on your M?

I gotta say, if the father of my new baby just accused me, the mother of his baby, of having a "loose vagina" because of an A right after we had just had sex.....he'd be walking funny for a few days.

Throw out that word affair and it's like chum for sharks....but you aren't having an A.....there's no way.

My husband asked me not to mention last nights comment to my friend. And I didn't. Did I want to reach out and spill my guts because I was horrified, yes, but I didn't and I wouldn't.