We already told you what to do. And it doesnt appear you did anything we suggested. There is nothing more we can do.

Posts: 53179
Loc: Texas I would focus on saving your marriage first. Plan A does not stand for appeasement. That will land you in divorce court. Cooperating with someone whose goal is the destruction of your marriage will result in a .........destroyed marriage. So, I would drop your plan and adopt Plan A.

And you should be talking ALOT about the affair so she understands that you care. Not talking about it just gives the impression that you don't care very much. The purpose of Plan A is to kill the affair, not to act phony or reward a wayward for destructive behavior.



question: what do i do when we talk about the affair and she redirects the conversation to our marriage has been bad for 6 years

Let me know when you are serious about killing this affair. If you aren't serious, then I am not serious.

Did you expose the affair yet?

yes i exposed but still have more people to get into contact. I anm doing what you said....but am getting more and more divorce talk. i just say i am not interested in divorce. she said last night that she doesnt want to go to my brothers wedding bc everybody knows and she is afraid that i have not told her the whole truth. about me being at fault for the whole thing now...i am beginning to think that this is an exit affair for her

Seriously tryingtofeelgood, what are you trying to achieve by using exposure threat as blackmail to MAKE your ww stay with you?

You really don't get this exposure thing at all do you?

Exposure is not a blackmail tool never has been and never will be. You don't threaten to expose you JUST DO IT. by making the wild threats your making and indulging OW in conversations about it your giving her a chance to pre warn people about communication from you and completely ruining your credibility and the whole point of exposure.

You expose so you get the much needed support from your friends and family and OW friends and family to stop the affair, make the people indulging in the fNtasy of the affair face the reality of what effect their relationship will have on everyone and how it will not be supported.

All your doing right now is blowing lots of hot air nothing else. STOP communicating with the OW. EXPOSE the A to EVERYONE in your life and in OW life (using the appropriate template on here not your own mish mash of revenge/inexperienced talk) and most importantly either plan a your wife or Plan B her don't plan you her by being loving one minute then love busting the next. commit to a plan and do it properly.

I am sorry this is harsh but your all over the place your not taking advice given to you based on a long experience and keep skirting around the basic and still dancing to your own tune so being harsh on you is my way of saving your marriage. I just can't bare to read another random post on your thread stick to one thing All we want to talk to you about and get you theough is step one os saving your marriage and that is EXPOSURE, do you think you can stick with that though for the time being?

Ps : your wife will be livid and insanely mad about you exposing, this reaction is typical and very normal and I dare say I haven't read a single thread on here where someone expose and their WS has not gone berserk. Your situation is TYPICAL and not special in this sense. Infect the angrier the WS gets about exposure it the more it means that exposure is working and doing it's job.

IMHO Your WW is more likely to divorce you if you don't expose.

Any other good plan a reading??
Does it describe plan a/b in detail in saa

trying, I've been following your thread, and I'll make an observation based on the few years I've been here:

Your thread is going to be ignored by posters who have seen this movie before. You've shown them that you will not do the work that they have clearly shown you is required. You ignore the advice that is the best advice you can get, given to you by people who have been where you are and know what you need to do. "Any other good plan a reading?" is NOT how you attack and kill an affair! Why are you trying to distract posters by asking silly things like 'does it describe plan a/b in detail in saa'??? Read the book and find out! Come here to get more help on ending the affair!

Do you plan to follow the advice you've been given?

> gag <


LINK to Wayward "I need to find myself"

I get the distinct impression that reading is not how YOU will best learn the MB concepts. That's just the way it is for some people.

No problem.

Please consider making a CALL to the Harley coaching center and speak to them directly.

Waaaaaaaaaay cheaper than a divorce.

Scheduling an appointment <~~~ Click this link ***

IT WORKS IF YOU WORK IT.

Yes gag exactly what i was thinking
i found out on sunday that they reunited on friday and now i am at the bottom of the roller coaster again...this is frustrating

tell me if this is wrong
plan a for 2-3 more months if i can
then go dark plan b

she tells me everyother day that she wants a divorce and has already seen an atty...i just tell her i dont want a divorce.... she is so out there

Re expose. This is very important. Exposure is part of Plan A.
Her actions have consequences.
Deliver the consequence as soon after the action as possible.
Call everyone.


This time you just change the wording to "STILL ACTIVE IN HER ADULTEROUS AFFAIR WITH (name)."


How good is your Plan A?
Love busting eliminated?


Fog talk response--.

WW: I saw an attorney.
You: I know what attorneys charge. One arm and one testicle. (you smile and wink at her)

WW: I need to find myself.
You: I'll call your cell phone. That way you will know where you are.

The point:

Do not respond emotionally to her nonsense.
She is riding a crazy bus and she wants you to hop aboard.
Let her crazy pass you by.
Show her humor, kindness and caring.

Do not show her anger, confusion or weakness.

thank you, thank you Pep
I need to work on the humor part
I need to work on the lovebusters part
I am getting better with the anger
but i feel like i am so weak

Thanks again Pep i will call the Harleys

Nothing chases weakness off faster than a GOOD PLAN !!!!!

Welcome to the Good Fight.....I'm only 3 weeks ahead of you in the painful process.
My wife won't even talk to me, return calls/texts/emails anymore because she's mad at me because I exposed the affair!
Guess I'm a bad guy.....
It's a tough process.....day by day....come here to the MB forums for support.
If your wife will talk to you.....WORK the MB process!!!!!

So here I am just asking for advice. My wife told me again that the only way forward is through D. Sh says she is in a relationship and it is not right to b married when that is happening. She said it was actually tearing her up, goes against what she believes....
So my question is I have been in plan a for a very short time. Do I stay in plan a. When is the appropriate time to plan b.
Maybe its just time to let her go
Please help

Then tell her to follow her morals and stop her affair.

Don't stop plan A'ing for now.

How long have you been plan A'ing?

Who have you exposed this affair to?

You will never have a chance to kill this affair and recover if you listen to your WW. WW is not about saving the marriage.

Thank you for answering//
last night almost killed me
seriously I just checked out

Only been in good plan a about 2 wks

My exposure has been week at best.....wish bone where backbone should be......I am fearfull and that word doesnt even come close to what i feel

Have exposed to my extended family, her immediate family, her friends.. nobody on other side.
you are right i am listening and it is really bringing me down.

my i.c. says dont tell the kids, i am so confused, I know what dr hawley says about this.....but i cannot and willnot hurt them they are the only thing keeping me alive right now...

Thanks for any help or advice
I feel like I have really p.o. some people here because of my spinelessnesss....I am just stuck