This means your exposure caused a direct hit and the waywards are freaking out.

Do you have an IM? Change your number ASAP and your e-mail.

Plan B is not a plan to reconcile your marriage. It is a plan to protect you. While reconciliation is possible, it shouldn't be counted on.

You should go to Plan B even if you don't want to reconcile.


You will need to think hard about this.
Can you pump?

This is vital.

I must have missed something. What is an IM? Instant messaging is all that comes to mind!

From How to Plan B Correctly

An Intermediary (IM) is someone who will communicate with your husband on your behalf, and is the only way your husband can communicate with you. The IM's job is to be a filter -- she will filter out all his fogbabble and only let you know the pertinent information. You would not have received those texts and emails from him.

In Plan B, you must go "no contact" with your husband.

Do you have someone who can do this for you?

More on the IM:

If you do not know of anybody who can do this for you, I am willing. Simply click notify and ask the mods for my email address.

how are you sleepless? you've been on my mind. i hope you haven't been apologizing for exposure. if he asks why you did it just let him know that you need support in the recovery of the marriage and could no longer tolerate the secrecy and dishonesty.

exposure is hard and the wayward FLIPS OUT. the bigger the flip, the better your exposure is in terms of busting up the affair. Please don't doubt your actions. You acted bravely to take charge of a terribly out of control situation.

i'd love an update when you get a chance. i am rooting for you!! and please take prisca up on the offer to be an IM. A good IM in plan b is a godsend.

another way to respond to him saying exposure is doing no good is to say something along the lines of 'i'm sorry the continuation of your adultery has caused so much trouble for you. can i get you something to drink?'

keep pointing accountability for this mess back to him and his choices. and then change the subject.

you can do this!!

of course, if you're serious about plan b, you won't be interacting with him at all and will be letting your IM filter communication. i hope this is where you're at but based on your last post, i'm worried that he's at your throat and giving you hell.

i really hope you're in a dark plan b or soon to be there because this is simply too much to bear and even more so with a newborn babe.

Thanks Zibbles. Honestly, not doing well here. You are right about having a newborn and a toddler. I also am missing WH sleeping next to me at night. I am exhausted and sad and just....I dont know. Thank you for your kind messages.

It's hard for any BS but exhausting when you have a newborn baby and toddler. You are doing well. You will experience a rollercoaster of emotions, sometimes you will feel strong at other times the pain seems unbearable. This is when you need to post, the support from the MB family is a valuable resource.

As other posters have noted your WH's reaction to exposure indicates it was effective. My WH spouse also cried that exposure was not helpful and talking to his family would only harm our children's relationship with his family Good attempt to get me to stop as he new our children were my weak spot.

sleepless, what is going on?

So, I asked on the divorcing board and they suggested I post here on my original posting. I will try to quickly catch up from my last posting.

Don't be mad, but I am not in a plan B due to my nursing baby and WH's desire to see her. In addition, my toddler we are learning has some special needs so it makes it a bit more difficult to have other people involved to hand him over.

Since my last posting, I have gained so much strength and truly love each day with my children. I paid a bunch of money that I don't have to my attorney for a separation agreement that WH would not sign (even though he said he would). Now, six months later after I told him last week that he would no longer be allowed unsupervised visitation with our son, he has finally hired a lawyer and has his own separation agreement for me.

I have two main concerns: 1) visitation, 2) money. I will only address the first one at this point.

I am convinced that WH is a sex addict. To remind you all, he was banned from our school district for an inappropriate relationship with a minor (nothing legal, though, just banned). He cheated throughout his 14 year marriage with his first wife. He has posted and responded to Craigslist posts for male encounters (now I know during BOTH pregnancies and throughout our marriage), cheated with his coworker while I was pregnant with my second child and remains with this woman, and now they are seeking to add another man to their relationship by posting on Craigslist for a threesome. WH was previously a pastor, youth pastor, wrestling/football coach.

Needless to say, with finding out that his behavior is escalating, I can no longer stomach the thought that something could happen to my son while in his care.

What is the likelihood that I could be ordered supervised visitation by the courts? Since he hasn't signed a separation agreement yet, I am simply refusing for him to take my son at this point but allowing him access at our home while I am here.

(Oh, and my 18 year old step son is now living with me and my two children; no longer sleeping on the couch in his father's apartment)

At this point, you should try to get into Plan B.
You need to tell your attorney that you need "exclusive use of the residence"...

I would prepare for plan B, and change the locks as soon as you have an IM.

I have changed the locks and he does not have access to a key. Only myself and my stepson, who is aware of some of his father's issues, have keys.

When can you get into Plan B?

I don't know. As I said, I am currently still nursing my baby so that makes it a bit difficult. Also, I am now only allowing him to have supervised visitations at our house. So to go into plan B, would I need to find somebody else to be at the house when he visits. He resists telling me when he is coming due to his busy and unpredictable work schedule...maybe gives me a few hours notice.