JCB mentioned in another thread:


Here's your Plan Doormat in 10 Easy Steps!

1. Spend plenty of time away from your spouse. Work long hours so that you make plenty of money so he or she can go out with her friends -- and without you -- regularly!

2. Pretend you don't notice the odd hours, secretive behavior around their mobile phone and computer, and the new "friend" that your spouse has been seen with regularly or spends a lot of time with on the phone or computer.

3. Avoid all conflict with your spouse. Agree with what they say, take the blame for everything they do, and recognize that all of the consequences of their actions are really your fault.

4. Help pay for stuff. Like trips your spouse takes "alone". You know, he or she has promised that "alone time" will strengthen your marriage! If your spouse needs a lot of money, give it to them without question, as much as they want.

5. Let your spouse berate or guilt you out of the home so that they can introduce their special friend as your kids' new "Daddy" or "Mommy".

6. Remain totally silent about the affair with friends, family, and your spouse's place of employment. Silence is your only friend in Plan Doormat. If you do decide to talk about it with ANYONE, beg that person to keep it a secret so that your spouse doesn't get mad at you for tattling on them!

7. Believe your spouse when they say that your marriage problems have nothing to do with their new "friend". You're just not loveable. Or you really were a horrible person for all those years your spouse told you how wonderful you were and how grateful they were for you. They were just telling you that to avoid conflict. Or the marriage really was "over" already. Or maybe you just weren't meeting your spouse's needs, and you should meet those needs for the rest of your life out of fear of losing your spouse.

8. Don't bother with snooping into your spouse's life. It's unnecessary. You know your spouse is being honest with you because they tell you so! If you do decide to snoop and find out your spouse is having an affair, for honesty's sake go tell them exactly how you came by this information as soon as possible. They'll promise the affair is over, and you'll know it because all the stuff you used to snoop on them won't return any useful information anymore!

9. If your spouse tells you the affair is over and they are "just friends" now, don't insist on any sort of permanent separation. Birthday cards, occasional phone calls, working together... it's all good! Just make sure your spouse keeps that affair partner in your life where you always know they are there.

10. Whatever you do, don't insist your spouse make any changes. They are perfect just the way they are, and to try to make them change is like trying to change the wind or the tides. They are who they are, and you just step up there to be with them on the ride, or step aside and let them be happy.

Follow my 10 simple steps for Plan Doormat recovery from an affair, and you too can have the amiable divorce you always wanted!

Now, I'm sure I'm not the only person who knows and has implemented at least a few steps from Plan Doormat. What are some other tried-and-true ways to make sure that someone else will be your kids' new step-parent real soon?

Scary.
I'm pretty sure I did almost all of them.

#7 seems to ring a few bells with me.

Yup. OM had NOTHING to do with our sitch. Our problems PRECEDED the arrival of OM. Yeah, and the M was "over" prior to his arrival.

You know what's astonishing. It's almost as if waywards took a class/attended a few seminars on this stuff. Really, it's kinda eerie how similar the scripts are from one wayward to another. East Coast, West Coast, lower-class, affluent, you name it.

I'm not in the same league as some of the folks here, but I can offer some insight to some of the newbies -- like, "Hey, Billy BH, I've heard that EXACT line of cow manure from MY WW."

She worked #5 on me as well. Thankfully, I moved back home and she never introduced OM to my boys. Geez, that last thought alone gets the Irish/Italian blood simmering.....

TB

Dagnabit.
I did just about all of it UNTIl I actually had D-day.

Then, I became the poster child for MB.

Doormat no more.

Wish I had known all along and hadn't been a doormat so very long.

sigh

Fortunately, it didn't come to this in my sitch for it would have been grounds for a second introduction for OM.......a pine box.

Want2Stay

As I and breathe!!!!!......

Hi W2S....what brings you outta the woodwork????..... Tell your beautiful wife to give me a call sometime......

((((((W2S &Lala))))))

not2fun

ps....now you are gonna be obligated to give an update!!!!!

yep that was me..... WELCOME was tattoed acrossed my forhead!

It is exactly this attitude that would get most WWs back.

Not the idea of finding OM in a pine box, but knowing that their BH would defend them in that manner.

I'd like to add another one.

#11. Don't become alarmed if the OP is your best friend. That just means your spouse can stay close to you when you divorce! Don't worry, you can all still be one big happy family!

Hey Not!!!!!!

Thanks for the shout out. I still keep tabs pretty often, just don't have much time to post is all. I pass along the message.

Want2Stay

You would think Karma. OM knew full well what I would do to him if I found out cuz my dw told him. Didn't matter a hill of beans. Just made him more attractive cuz he was willing to risk my wrath to mess with my DW and family.

Want2Stay