Just days two days ago after stonewalling in the mediation, over paying spousal support and child support, and keep our son on his medical insurance, saying that was too much money and he can't afford it, WH has managed to find enough money to go on a cruise with OW.

I was trying to reach him by phone regarding some problems with our son, and he never answered. Today, daughter says "He said he was going walkabout, and won't be able to be reached by phone." Well, his cellphone reaches all of the continental US, and I can't reach him. I tried calling him on his work phone, and no answer there either.

In all the years I have known him, the only reason he was out of phone reach for that long was on a cruise. I found out about OW 2 years ago when I stumbled over the evidence that he had taken her on a cruise. So, I have no doubt that he is cruising comfortably on the Carnival Fantasy, while my son and I are at home wondering if we have enough money to last the eleven more days until his SSI check comes in.

So much rage burned through me; I thought my heart would explode. My sister (God lover her!) insisted on taking me driving with her until I could cool down.

When I got home, I tried one more time just to be sure; when the phone went to message, I said "Hi, WH, it's me. I hope you are enjoying your cruise. Be sure to save all of the receipts for the lawyers. Tell (OW) I said hi!"

If nothing else, I hope that breaks through his warm glow after his "honeymoon". I hope this gets brought up before the judge.

Is there any category for irony? That cruise is the one where my husband and I renewed our marriage vows several years ago, and he shed emotional tears as he held my hand and renewed the vows of our marriage? Does anyone else have some ironic episodes in their marriage/divorce?

((hugs)))...wondering how you are sure he is on a cruise? Not that he deserves the benefit of the doubt...but how can you be sure?

Ellen:


I thought all that was by a formula. He makes X and has to pay Y.

Isn't that the way it works?

Nice message on voice mail.

Larry

SmilingWoman, "In all the years I have known him, the only reason he was out of phone reach for that long was on a cruise." On that jaunt he told me he was going on a trip with a motorcycle club, and would be beyond phone range in the mountains. That was when I discovered he was on the cruise with the canadian woman that he met online. Phones don't get signal out at sea. Also, he would not turn off his work phone because he has to be reachable at all times UNLESS HE IS AT SEA.

So, he can get cell coverage all over the continental US, but supposedly will be out of touch. Right.

Larry, he is trying to argue about that formula. My lawyer ran the numbers based upon what WH is making now; WH had his lawyer run the numbers based on WH's hypothetical retirement in a few months. He is only 52, but wants to retire, and he can only do that if he can unload my son and me from his insurance and pay little SS and no CS. My lawyer and the mediator both said he is way out of touch with reality.

He does not want to pay any upkeep or insurance for my son because he is 19. But our son has severe learning problems and has high functioning autism, and is still in school. My son is going to have to have some kind of assistance all his life. I just can't comprehend that WH is willing to kick son to the curb, just so WH doesn't get such a big ouchie in his wallet....and in his post-retirement plans!

The mediator has the ear of the Judge. Your WH is SOL unless his lawyer is the Judge's campaign manger. I am not joking. Years ago in Houston, one lawyer actually advertised in the yellow pages that he was the campaign manager for one of the domestic court judges.

Larry

Ellen,
ask the moderators to combine your threads. It's okay to bring up a new subject in the same thread.

It sounds like you're most upset emotionally about the gall of your WH. I think intellectually you know his stupid behavior will come back to haunt him (and OW). If I'm right, you have every right to feel abandon and mistreated, IMO.

I have no advice, sorry. I do believe things will work out if you have faith. What comes around goes around....

opt

My son had to be admitted to the hospital for depression and suicidal ideation. He was in for 3 days without his father knowing because either he was out of service area, or because he just doesn't want to talk to me. Finally my daughter got hold of him on the phone, and he made a phone call to my son.

I brought son home from the hospital yesterday, and we had to pick up some things at his dad's trailer. His dad was not home because he had taken our daughter and her family out to dinner. He didn't even make an effort to visit our son.

I got my mail from the mailbox, and noticed a bill from Gordon's jewelers. I didn't open it, of course, but the outside said "statement inside". I wonder what he bought his OW; bracelet? Engagement ring?

I know to the core of my soul that he is no longer the man I loved; I know that the divorce is for the best, and he and I will part company and both be better for it. But each new evidence of his callousness and lying twists like a knife in my chest. I hope that will get better after the divorce. We are separated, but until the divorce he is still committing adultery. Oh well, more for the judge to deal with later.

I know it won't happen, but I get a warm and fuzzy feeling at the thought of, when the property is divided, asking for that jewelry as part of my settlement. Like I said, I know it won't happen, but to see her jewelry yanked off and handed to me is just..........sublime.

WH invited me to lunch today; I asked him about the cruise, but he clammed up. Then I asked about the bill from the jeweler, and he showed me a ring (man's ring) and said he bought it just because he feels like wearing a wedding ring. It was not a simple gold band; it had platinum inlays, etc. He denied buying a wedding ring for her, but who every buys just a man's ring? And I know it was pretty expensive, or he would have paid cash, instead of financing it.

OW is very devoted to facebooking, so I took a peek, and there was a picture of her and my WH taken on the cruise on her facebook page. All of this should be pretty interesting to my lawyer.

ah yes, facebook.

Soooo many opportunities to meet interesting people.

The Karma Bus drives around and around and around we go.

How is your son?

Larry

Ellen, I know this sounds totally bizarre, but since your STBX is wearing a wedding ring, you may want to check and see if he got married on the cruise. A while back there was someone on here whose husband got remarried before the divorce was final. In her case the court didn't care, but every state and every court is different. After all, who wants to wear a wedding ring when you're having an affair and getting divorced? There is something really, really wrong.

Thanks, Larry, son is home and doing much better. He is still worried about the divorce.

You know, Greengables, that is the first thought that popped into my head. There is no way our divorce is final; we have not even been before the judge yet. I am guessing WH miscalculated the length of the process, so maybe they just had a "commitment" ceremony on the boat. And of course, a commitment made between a cheating couple has such a rosy future.

My sisters and I were hoping he'd had a ceremony, and is now a bigamist. What a hoot that would be!

I wish everyone had sisters like mine. They have been such tremendous support to me that I don't know how I would have survived without them.

Evidently you don't live in Utah.
I'm glad you have good support from your sisters. This situation would be very difficult to deal with on your own. I hope your son continues to recover.
~opt

PS: ooops, almost forgot:
(((((Ellen)))))

GOing on a cruise and buying a ring to wear for your mistress is in of itself not worthy of an attorney's attention.

HOWEVER, if he is pleading poor that he can't pay health insurance for the kids or is dragging his feet on spousal support, it would make for a very effective negotiating stick for your attorney.

The shades of white your STBXWH would turn in court if your attorney just "happens" to present the cost of the ring and cruise as evidence immediately after STBXWH pleads poor would be a site to behold.

Thanks, opti

Biker, that is exactly what he is doing; claiming that the support will cost too much to allow him to live on his retirement, which he plans to retire in a couple months. Bad news for him, though, I think the Judge is going to be looking at WH's income now, rather than what WH hopes will happen a few months down the road.

Discovered last night that OW has a picture of her and him, taken on this cruise, posted on her Facebook page. There's OW smiling like a cat with a canary, and WH smiling like the coyote right before his ACME rocket pack blows up. Honestly, sometimes you don't even have to lift a finger, and people will hang themselves.

WH hubby has a long record of touching me sexually in ways not appropriate to the surroundings, or fondling me against my will, even now that I have filed for divorce. Maybe he's going to have to face that he can't have his cake and eat it too.

And you DO have the pictures extracted and delivered to your Lawyer, right?

Larry

Oh, yes. Everything I have found has gone to the lawyer. The emails from his affair with her 2 years ago, the information about the phone, text, jewelry, cruise, all of it has been sent to the lawyer.

I know judges aren't supposed to place much weight about infidelity in their decisions, but sometimes I think they must be so awed by the stupidity involved that they may consider it a violation of Darwinian law, rather than just plain cheating.

Yep. Here is an example. X wife and I were fighting her, uh, XH over custody. He was a complete jerk, telling the kids that our dog was from the devil, I was going to sell them south of the border to a bunch of "Mexicans." And those were just some of the milder examples. Others were calling her a "Ho," a slut, and not a Christian, yada, yada, yada. BTW, we did NOT have an affair marriage. I refused to have anything to do with her until the divorce was filed, then as a friend until it was final.

We spent about 15K moving custody to Texas where our recordings and the testimony of a shrink cooked his goose. He sued in KY in trial court, lost, appealed, lost, then KY Supreme Court.

During KY Supreme Court, the head Judge asked,"Did he really say that?" Lawyer said, "Yes, Your Honor, we have the audio tapes." "Ok," said Judge. End of trial.

Later on, there was a decision. Supreme disagreed with lower courts and MADE UP THEIR OWN REASON to deny what XH wanted. I still laugh when I think about it. That was NOT a slam at lower courts. That was a stick it to XH.

Larry

If that's the case, my exWW is in the process of growing a tail and crawling back into the ocean. She is in the lead for dumbest wayward wife on Marriage Builders. We�ve been married for 10 years, two small kids, SAHM.

She decided to trade me in for her homeless, unemployed, child support owing 2nd cousin. She filed a false Protection Order to get me out of the house, moved toothless cousin in the next day, and immediately ruined any chance she had for alimony. In my state, once you cohabitate, bye bye alimony!

The lesson? If you�re a SAHM, don�t leave your husband for a homeless, unemployed dude.

You mean you didn't immediately agree to support them so she could be happy? Why I'm shocked, shocked. . .

Adultery is nothing to laugh about. On the other hand, your description and observation of your XWW, is just too funny.

I can only imagine what her personal narrative must look like these days.

Larry