To catch you up to two years ago go here:http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/u...161#Post2163161
and read my very first post and my last two posts.
Since then I am in the military so I linked this post in that forum to helpfully get help from both groups.
Now let me catch you up to today. My wife and I did Marriage Builders Strong for about 5 months. We were slow at getting through the lessons but we were consistent on 15 hours a week. We made it through Sexual fulfillment, recreational companionship, financial support, domestic supportand physical attractiveness.
In February of 09 she decided to join the National Guard. She wanted to be able to get a degree and become a nurse. I was a little apprehensive at first but after a lot of conversation I supported her 100%. Doing Marriage Builders slowly trailed off but putting what we had learned into action did not. I became a better father, companion and lover. Her top 5 needs are physical attractiveness, recreational companionship, domestic support, financial support, and family commitment. I could tell you 10-15 ways that I made those a priority in my life. We got closer and our family improved greatly. One of the biggest changes I made was weight loss. To date I have lost 100lbs!!!
I think Marriage Builders trailed off because of all the activities we had our three kids doing, but also because we turned to the mode of getting ready for her to go to basic training. But we will still making deposits and things were improving. Love busters were always a minor issue but they became almost non existent.
She went to basic training and I was very supportive. I wrote her everyday and put a tremendous effort into her letters. I decorated the envelopes, put in pictures and worte letters of the fun things that had happened that day and the things I had done with the kids. She said her whole company really say how much she was loved and cared for. She returned from basic in Dec 09 and things continued to go well.
** An interjection in the timeline that may be important to the whole picture. She found out that her dad had an affair of 23 years the day of Christmas. He saw her on the weekends for all that time. In addition he was never really a father to her.
In Mar '10 I joined the National Guard. I was finally down to a weight that would allow me to join and I got a job as a 12m, firefighter. That was huge deposits for her! That was what I had always wanted to be and what she had always wanted to marry. Now we had to get ready for me to ship to basic training which was a bigger task. WE had to get the house ready to rent and move into my parents house. In July '10 it was myself and my wife and three kids in one small bedroom, but everyone was happy and excited. This was a big step for a family but it was a dream that we all wanted to be a dual military family, both finish college and have the jobs we both dreamed of.
And here is where the bad part starts. June '10 she went to her 2 week Annual training and when she came back something was off. We went on a camping trip right away and it was like she didnt even want spend anytime with me. Her friend came along and they would talk like it was non-existent. After the trip we talked and she said it was hard for her to adjust back to domestic life after military life. And about mid July her affection became a lot better which was one of my needs we communicated through the issue and things seemed great.
3 days before shipping to training I found out she had sent over 700 text to a another soldier in her unit over the month of July. I immediately confronted her and she was remorseful and felt terrible. She said that since she had found out about her dads affair that she was desiring the attention of other men. She apologized said she loved me and immediately send him a text cutting off all contact. She was open and honest and willing to go to counseling and willing to work on her issues while I was at Basic training. I was little apprenhensive about leaving but I had prayed before I confronted her that I wanted her to say and do certain things and she did those without even hesitating. She even wanted to move closer to my AIT so she could see me on the weekends. I was still a little apprehensive but felt much better about shipping.
During basic something was off she didnt write me often and the letters were void of much love and affection. But i did had cute affectionate text messages on my phone and FB. Fast forward to two weeks before graduation, we got a 5 min phone call and she admitted to having an affair and she didnt want to be married anymore.
I will try to condense this as best as I can because I could write a novel as needed. Both WW and OM are soldiers, he actually came to my "Last Hurrah." Her following reasons for wanting a divorce are no passion, and that she had messed it up and it can never be fixed. One conversation she got mean and said she has never wanted to be married.
It gets complex but I have or she has exposed to everyone. Even the kids know and said some honest truths to her "Dont you remember the day you said I Do and the commitment you made" and "How could you do this to Daddy he didnt do this to you while you were gone". I have let her chain of command know and disciplinary action is pending for both of them. They are in the same unit and it is not the same guy she texted in July.
I am still in training in Texas. I am writing here for help. I dont have much hope. I pray for her and talk to her regularly, she even lets me read Purpose Driven Life to her. I believe she has turned her back on her faith you can see it in her face.
I dont know anymore I can do. There is a no contact order issued but I think she is secretly seeing him and definitely still "loves" him, she says she still wants to be with him. He left for training and my mom said she cried all day. OM leaves for Afghanistan in December but there is about 14 days in Dec that they will be in proximity to get together.
There is a lot more details and I can fill in as needed. Any help/advice/encouragement is greatly appreciated. Thank you to everyone in the community and all the help they provide.