From my online dictionary

My question:

Is there such an animal?

I know that whenever I have been 'in a rage' I was most definitely out of control.
The night I punched my husband in the jaw.
What I did next was ~~~> exit stage left.
Because I knew I would hit him again if I stayed near him.
I left, and was gone for 2 nights.

I actually agree with you to a point.
My 'rage' and my 'outrage' made a definite point/impression on my wayward.
MY wayward.


I have not earned the right to rage at another person't spouse. That's my opinion.

Thanks, NG.

Merriam-Webster, right?

I'd think we'll waste our time playing semantic games here. If rage MUST have violence to your satisfaction, then I'll let you substitute any phrase that extends the emotion being discussed beyond "highly vexed"!

But, I would point out that examples given in your choice of online dictionary include the following. None of them seem to necessarily point to someone picking up a machete or chainsaw!

Examples of RAGE

Her note to him was full of rage. ("Violent" handwriting?)
He was shaking with rage. (Exercising that "control" I mandated.)
She was seized by a murderous rage. (No reference to her yielding to it, though)
His rages rarely last more than a few minutes. (Phew! Enough time to wipe the spattered blood off the ceiling!!)

Actually, this is helpful to hear what use of the word rage you are using.

NG, the problem is that many of the BHs you reference only act when they are enraged because they are too wimpy to make a decision to act. Rage is a form of insanity. When I am angry I am INSANE. My judgment is impaired.

But when I am calm I can make rational decisions and take action.

The problem comes in when a person simply REFUSES to take action unless they are enraged. As a result, they make stupid, crazy mistakes like you and I have done. I was in a RAGE when I beat up my husband and crashed into his truck. I was INSANE.

My definition of rage does not include violence necessarily, but an insanity that overcomes me. My judgement goes out the window when it comes on. It is the curse of my life.

Of course, I love the physiology;



I think the intention is a call to action, rather than surrender to fear. Like the idea of righteous anger.

Yet, where this discussion comes from, Pep - you and I are on the same page after admitting to the same sin; we followed our peers.

"That's just the way we do things around here."

We have found it unacceptable for ourselves to continue to do things in this fashion.

Glad to know I'm not alone. Danke.

Thank you dear girl.
Thank you.

many of the BHs...only act when they are enraged because they are too wimpy to make a decision to act

You DO realize that you're making my argument for me, right? The emotion-neutering that we live under today has inured us from experiencing emotions that were vital to our survival and growth, individually and societally. The straightjacket of "proper" responses today seemingly has no place for something as "crass" as exposure. Yet compare what might have been the cuckhold's response to discovering his mate's infidelity as recently as 300 years ago. Exposure? She have been lucky not to have been BRANDED, and returned to her family's "care" as a token of breaking the marriage contract. And the POSOM? Better not to know!

Now, BH worries that if he speaks the TRUTH about her actions, she'll be the one ENRAGED. Why? Because performing exposure is twisted to be some form of "revenge", and "vengeance" is another one of the proscribed primitive emotions.

Anyway, good talk, colleagues.

I cannot imagine that Dr. Harley would condone rage as a tool for marital recovery or dealing with any other problem, or as having a place in modern civilized society.

His wording on a radio show in 2006 was "When you are angry, you are relying on animal instinct. You are like a raccoon. Don't be a raccoon!"

Reptilian brain.

Imagine advocating rage when discussing how to deal with a child who is acting out???? !!!!

NG, have you heard what Dr. Harley says about angry outbursts on the radio show? Have you read the Angry Outbursts chapter in Love Busters?

You are a great Marriage Builders poster, but I think you have an oversight here and can really improve your coaching skills with a little bit of comparing what you have to say with the good doctor.

Google it.

Dr. Harley does not advocate demands, disrespect, or anger in response to an affair at all, with only one exception: a demand that the affair END.

He has told betrayed husbands on the private forum and the radio not to express any judgment toward their wayward wives at all. Let alone anger!

Certainly I think he UNDERSTANDS these responses, but he strongly encourages people to AVOID these approaches, because they are self-destructive and make the problem WORSE. When you are angry, whatever it is you are thinking to do is the wrong thing to do.

All of the strong actions that need to be taken to combat an affair are to be taken in calm, controlled, rational manner. We don't help anybody by encouraging them to go into a rage.

These all sound like Angry Outbursts ...

IOW; see the previously posted biochemical pathway of rage. All of those neurotransmitters have a very specific physiological response. Emotion are not just "emotional," they are physical.