I haven�t posted on MB much in the last few months. Honestly, I think it has helped me find my peace in this situation to not have infidelity in my mind constantly. Anyway, since I am back somewhat I thought I would give an update.

First OC part: We have had weekly visitation with OC (he is 7) for over 3 years now. I would love to say it is going well but honestly it is not. OC�s mother is the biggest influence in his life for obvious reasons. While she is not a bad mother by any means, she does not appear to believe in discipline or big on affection. This has created a situation where every week the clock partially resets with his behavior and us having to remind him of our expectations. He is not affectionate or seem attached to anyone in our family, including my DH. That said he does want my DH�s constant and full attention on him when he is with us. This is not due to lack of faithful attempts on our part to include him in the family or to be affectionate with him. We include him in our weekend activities and he attends church with us. It just doesn�t seem to ever go below the surface. The longer this goes on the further away we all feel from him. I have never encountered a child like this before. We have actually had discussions recently between my H and I about cutting back on visitation. It just seems like we are at a crossroads between either trying to get OW to let us have OC fulltime and see if we can make a difference that way or cutting back to protect our own emotional resources from being drained each weekend. We haven�t quite figured it all out yet. I do most of the communicating with xOW now although he still does most of the pick ups and drop offs. I still have moments that send me into a panic when something triggers me but that happens less and less as time passes and as our M improves.

Second the marriage: I would never in a million years have believed that our marriage could ever be where it is right now. We are very much in love. My H has become such an amazing man and he is very much someone I like and admire. I give all the credit to God and our wonderfully supportive church family. I no longer have to worry or wonder if he loves me, he DOES. We actually POJA without calling it that and we do it because we CARE enough to check with each other. We are not perfect by any means, we have both at times made commitments without checking with the other but those times are rare now. We WANT to spend time together, even if our date nights simply consist of visiting my father in the nursing home and then having dinner at a local diner. We ENJOY each other, what a delight! I never knew marriage could be this good. We are about to celebrate 21 years of marriage and I can honestly say I am happier than I have ever been. We are a team, we back each other up and we don�t put anyone before each other. We may be struggling financially, we may have more stress and responsibilities than anyone can fathom dealing with and a lot of challenges to face�but we are doing it together and everything seems surmountable because of it and our faith in God.

Third the family:

Oldest DS is leaving the nest and going off to a university in the Fall. We are going to miss him terribly. He has been such a solid influence on our other children and just a joy to have around. I am so happy for him to see him moving on with his life and doing well in college. DD 19 is a mommy now. Yes, I am a grandma! (I beat Melodylane ha ha!!) This is not what we wanted for our DD but she is turning out to be a wonderful mother and we adore our grandson. Youngest DS is turning 14 this month. His health has been stable for a couple of years now but he is getting quite big and difficult for me to lift. We are also losing our long term caregiver, so life is continuing to change and challenge us. We are so blessed with wonderful children though. Thank you, God!!

So we may not have a full MB marriage but ours is happy, secure and God centered. I am indebted to all the wonderful friends I made her at MB and cannot imagine surviving what I did without all of you. A special hug to Pep and Kimmy, you are both my rock. Also a shout out to Nerlycrazy who is a cheerleader for all who post on this board!

Anyone reading this that knows what I have been through will be glad to know there can be a happy "ending". Trust can be rebuilt and love can flourish under the most difficult of circumstances.

Welcome back.

Hi Faith!

I'm so happy that things are going so well in your marriage! I truly admire you and I hope to get to that happy, in love place in my own marriage someday.

As far as OC, has he been tested for autism? I know there's a broad range on the autistic spectrum, but one thing that is seemingly consistent is the inability to make meaningful connections with family members and people in general. Just a thought.

Hi writer!
No, OC has not been tested for Autism. I truly don't believe he has anything even on the spectrum. I believe he is this way mainly because his older brother who is his best friend as well is autistic. Additionally, mom does not appear to be affectionate with him. He is an odd little boy but his behavior doesn't line up with anything I have researched about Autism. Also, since we do not have custody and OC does not have any insurance or a mother who cares to get insurance for him it is unlikely he will ever be tested for anything. He has a speech impediment and she refused speech therapy offered by his school.

Thanks!

So good to see you updating Faithie,,

and such a good update!

You have always been such an important part of this Preg/Child forum (and the other forums) and I love to read your posts. Always so supportive & compassionate plus full of good MB advice!

Sorry to hear things aren't going as well as planned with the OC. But you've given it a try,,even at the risk of your marriage at times. Wonderful to know you & your H are POJAing a solution. Time to put Faithie, H & your family first, with no "what if's",, when you've sacrificed all you can.

And "Grandma Faithie"
Your new baby is GORGEOUS!! And I'm SOO jealous!!

Continue to stick around!! You're still VERY needed!

"Second the marriage: I would never in a million years have believed that our marriage could ever be where it is right now. We are very much in love. My H has become such an amazing man and he is very much someone I like and admire. I give all the credit to God and our wonderfully supportive church family. I no longer have to worry or wonder if he loves me, he DOES. We actually POJA without calling it that and we do it because we CARE enough to check with each other. We are not perfect by any means, we have both at times made commitments without checking with the other but those times are rare now. We WANT to spend time together, even if our date nights simply consist of visiting my father in the nursing home and then having dinner at a local diner. We ENJOY each other, what a delight! I never knew marriage could be this good. We are about to celebrate 21 years of marriage and I can honestly say I am happier than I have ever been. We are a team, we back each other up and we don�t put anyone before each other. We may be struggling financially, we may have more stress and responsibilities than anyone can fathom dealing with and a lot of challenges to face�but we are doing it together and everything seems surmountable because of it and our faith in God."

Just reading over other's situations and outcomes. Reading this brought tears to my eyes. Makes me so hopeful we can get through this and truly be happy and whole.