7/13/2012

I am 68 years old. My wife of 37 years is exhausted with my behavior. Ready to call it quits - not divorce - just for me to go away. We met & fell in love while both being married to other spouses. Four years later, we both accepted Jesus Christ as our Saviour.

I have caused her to loose trust in me, demonstrated anger (even in the past - physical altercations), demonstrating a demanding spirit and lastly not extending grace. I will offer no excuses nor will I cover-up my sins. I am guilty!

She has demanded that I contact Marriage Builders. I will do this - but I do so of my own desires - to love my wife! I have read a lot - now I am receptive to appeal to sources with skin on, you willing veterans, how to accept grace & understanding, resulting in her joy. I desire to be her husband, partner, friend & lover that Jesus desires for me to be. As she points out, I am guilty & ashamed - but, desirous to do, say, & act - whatever it takes - to love her as I love myself and to be accountable to Jesus.

I have in my possession (3) of Dr. Harley's books: His Needs / Her Needs, Love Busters & Surviving an Affair. I have read the first two.

Where is start? Can some of you who have walked in my path, take me by the hand and lead, instruct & encourage me; to embrace me towards being the man, God made me for and to treat my wife with respect, honor, patience, understanding, protection, & love?

I am sad & afraid to confront what I have done, but willing to fess up!

panch0

Welcome.

So you both are in an affairage (affair partners that are married now)?

Is your first wife remarried? How about your wife's exhusband, is he remarried?

1. Yes we are
2. Yes, both X-Spouses have re-married

Pancho, how many affairs have you had since married to your current wife? Did you have other affairs in your last marriage?

And did you have kids with your previous wife? Will you describe how that marriage ended?

Mel he answered yes to all of these.

His wife is Wise1.

1. Zero
2. Just with my present wife
3. No kids from previous marriage
4. Being naive regarding the family structure of my first wife. I soon didn't want to be around her family. It got to the point that I was not only unhappy about that relationship, I grew unhappy about the relationship with my wife. Don't get me wrong; not justifying my divorce, she wasn't the problem, her dad and her brothers were. Rather than hide, argue, or threaten; I just wanted out. She asked me what was wrong and I told her I wanted a divorce. My choice was to just leave.

"zero"

Poncho,
Your wife has seen and experienced evidence of behaviors she knows to be inappropriate.
1) Answer her questions and take a polygraph so that she can be confidant she knows the facts
2) Understand her view of events. She may recognize an emotional affair in behavior that you have not admitted to yourself is out of bounds. In that case, it is not "zero" and your marriage won't recover so long as you continue to say that it is.

"I just wanted out"
Translation. Your affair destroyed your first marriage.

7/16/2012

Dear CanitGetBetter:

Thank you for your response to my post.

I am guilty of a lot of things and I offer my self up for reconciliation. Although I deserve judgment, I ask for grace.

Although I believe our issues are more of a spiritual nature, I will seek MB counselor advice and will consider the wisdom from those who have both scriptural insight and who may have demonstrated / endured what I am experiencing. I am willing to post onto MB & seek wise consul from those who have like journeys with mine. I do have an expectation: that those who choose to respond to not offer the answer; but to share with me, the process. No one can fix me; but they can enlighten me � to point towards certain areas in my life that might require investigation: affirmation or correction � to consider a new revelation that will lead to a healthy relationship with my wife.

We will succeed due to the aid from you MB counselors and the implementation of MB�s principles of discourse: love, honesty & respect; without disrespectful judgments, condemnations,
demands, or threats. In essence, to keep our focus on the goal: to bring honor & glory to Jesus Christ and to each other.

I appreciate your perspective and I will consider your wisdom.

I agree to take the polygraph, willingly; for I have no credibility in my wife�s eyes.

I have spent a lot of time delving into my memory bank to offer new facts to her; ones, which I have omitted or forgotten. Right now I know of none. But, I will continue to search; and if something is revealed to me, I will immediately share it with her.

As far as your statement: �Your affair destroyed your first marriage�, I want to address: My first marriage was in the can before I met my present wife.

Please consider me as a fellow struggler in life; one has sinned many times, one who has lied, one who instigated divorce, one has demonstrated anger & disrespect, one who has acted immature; Sadly I am a full-blown sinner; an arrogant man who wants to change!

panch0