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Look, if you want to do what you call "Plan A" and you are too frightened and refuse to implement the step of "exposing" your spouse's adultery .... go right ahead.
Fly by the seat of your pants.
Just don't point back and complain: "Plan A did not work"  .... You did not follow the directions/instructions.
Do it your way.
I think I'm going to sue Betty Crocker. It's all their fault.
I started making a cake today. I read half of the instructions, but it soon became apparent to me that they had written them for general use and not for my very special, unique circumstances. I quickly revised a few things to meet the needs of my situation.
I got some things out to do it. The recipe said that I needed 3 eggs. I only had one, and going to the store was very inconvenient. I decided just to use the one and a package of Egg Beaters.
I got out a bowl. It wasn't a mixing bowl like the instructions said. It was just a plain old soup bowl, but that should have been good enough. I mean, really, what do they want?
Since the cake takes so long to make and bake, and I didn't want to wait that long, I just kept dipping my spoon into the mix and eating it as I went along. I set the oven to 500 degrees and turned it on to preheat. I added 4 cups of olive oil and my eggs. The package said vegetable oil, but olive oil is so much better for you that I decided to substitute it.
I got out my electric mixer like the one pictured on the package and turned it on the highest level. (I mean, HELLO, I want this sooner than later!) Well, let me tell you, the stuff went flying EVERYWHERE! WTF were they thinking?! Since the mixer obviously wasn't working, I just got out a spoon and stirred my mixture a few times.
I poured the mixture into the exact pan size that they said, and it didn't even cover the BOTTOM OF THE PAN, so I transferred the batter to a smaller pan that was 3 inches deep. I like thicker cakes, anyway.
I put the pan in the oven, and go to watch some TV. Who wants to watch something bake? I have better things to do !
Well, 45 minutes later I go to check on my cake (cause it was NOT smelling good) and I notice black smoke everywhere! The batter had oozed all over the side of my pan and burning on the oven's heating element! The rest of the cake was completely charred, there's no way I can eat that. I doesn't even look like a cake.
The box DID say to only bake it for 25 minutes, but really, should that be MY responsibility? Shouldn't the cake just KNOW when it's done and stop baking? Come on, it's the 21st century.
So, here I am standing in the middle of a mess with a worthless burnt cake. My oven is almost ruined, I've got cake mixture on every surface in my kitchen, and I didn't get to have my cake, let alone eat it too.
I don't advise anyone here to buy Betty Crocker products. They are nothing but a fraudulent rip-off. Your kitchen could be ruined.
And I'm suing them. It's all their fault. Link to original Betty Crocker post. http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/u...wflat&Main=149733&Number=2037943
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 Don't you understand? Some affairs are just "unique" and just because you don't have an emotional investment [read:emotionally charged] and have saved your own marriage using these techniques does not mean you are objective or know what you are talking about..
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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*clicks on the invisible 'like' button*
41, Married with kids.
Love is most definitely an action, not inaction.
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Bumping just to help you guys understand that need a kick in the @ss. EXPOSE THE AFFAIR and kill it. Then and only then can you start building.
After a few years none of your stories are unique! Its all adultery and they all do it the same way. Sorry but a duck is really a duck.
Divorced 11/5/2013
FXWW EA 2005/2008/2010
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Awwww, we are just bitter BSes that don't know anything.....
I think I actually baked the above cake once - when I was in college and knew everything there was to know.
AM
BW - 70
WH - 65
M - 35 years
D-day - 17 Apr 08
H broke contact 11/1/09
Back in love after the worst thing that every happened to us.
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We, the BS, are the single largest impedance to both the affair ending and/or recovery.
Expose.
Plan A... P-R-O-P-E-R-L-Y
No expectations, no tit-for-tat, no love busters.
"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr
"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer
"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR
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Lol...love that analogy. I exposed the EA until everyone was sick of hearing about it. Then I did it again when it was a PA. Unfortunately, WH family did not care, aka obviously something is wrong with me if he strayed. Honestly, if it wasn't for them and their lack of morals and values, I think WH would be home by now! The rest of the community is appalled, WH and OW will never be a "couple" in this town or around my kids. The emotional harm they suffered from the affair, and shouting it from the rooftops, have put the damper on "happily ever after" for them. She practically wears the scarlet A on her forehead. So, yes, EXPOSE! The short term humiliation and pain, the anger from your spouse, is nothing. Exposure can really pay off in the long run....well worth it!
Me: 34yrs
OM #1 ONS July 2010
OM #2 internet/text EA (9/10-2/11)
He: WH 38 yrs
OW#1 Former friend, 7 month EA & PA 1/11-7/11
OW#2 Ex-GF, 1 month phone/ FB EA & ONS 7/11
Recovering MB Online!
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It's also better for your own health not to try and carry around someone else's unhealthy secret.
PS Neaksis made a cake like that not long ago, except she left hers in most of the night, and it looked just like the cake from The Glass-Bottomed Boat. Think blackened moon rock. She is suing the oven company.
A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb Neak's Story
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Val made the cake, although the result was as you described. I don't think your sister, Heloise, wants to take the blame for THAT particular cooking disaster!
tl
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I don't know what you guys are talking about. My WW did have a unique affair and I customized Plan A for the first two months until my false recovery ended....and then I read the instructions on the box again and....
Oh yeah, I see your point. Maybe she wasn't unique!
FBH,Dad
No half measures, in anything.
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Let's see... I did a pseudo Plan A - an small, targeted exposure (both of my sisters, both of our mothers) based only on the information of texting and kissing... and then told her knock it off or her $#!+ would be waiting on the porch that day.
Unfortunately OM moved out of town before I got the full story, and an opportunity to do some dental work...
"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr
"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer
"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR
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opportunity to do some dental work... 
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"Um, you're doing it wrong..."
"No! My H/W blah, blah, blah..."
"That's great, but YOU are are doing it wrong. You are here, you are supposed to listen and learn. You are doing it wrong."
"You are mean and rude. I am going to take my toys elsewhere... And maybe tell my mom."
"Awesome. Good luck with that."
Did I change my sig as the beginning of a self-fulfilling prophecy?
"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr
"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer
"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR
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If anyone wants a prime example of baking the cake your way and not according to instructions, take a peek at my thread.
The only thing I did right is exposure (opening the cake packet)
then went on about how my situation was unique, then went on to do my own marriage recovery plans (not MB ones)
and guess what, 3 years after the A there is no recovery, there is no direction there are just two people living a separate life under the same roof, no love, no intimacy and no connection.
Came back 3 weeks ago and read the instructions again and now we are baking the cake according to the instructions to the letter and guess what, we havent stopped talking, playing, doing POJA and just being together.
I learned my lesson the hard way. I just wish people would stop fighting with the MB principals and put more energy into baking the perfect cake.
BW 36(Me)
WS 38
Married: 2000
DD1November 22 2008 - DD2 October 2014
PA Duration September 08 - November 08
Second discovery- 6 online affairs 4 sexual one emotional. October 2014.kids: DS 17, DS 14, DS 12, DS 10 . Baby after divorce DS 18months
Divorced
Was misled into thinking we were in recovery for 6 years.
If you were shocked reading any of this, that this is the consequence of not following MB to the LETTER.
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Look, if you want to do what you call "Plan A" and you are too frightened and refuse to implement the step of "exposing" your spouse's adultery .... go right ahead.
Fly by the seat of your pants.
Just don't point back and complain: "Plan A did not work" .... You did not follow the directions/instructions.
Do it your way.
I think I'm going to sue Betty Crocker. It's all their fault.
I started making a cake today. I read half of the instructions, but it soon became apparent to me that they had written them for general use and not for my very special, unique circumstances. I quickly revised a few things to meet the needs of my situation.
I got some things out to do it. The recipe said that I needed 3 eggs. I only had one, and going to the store was very inconvenient. I decided just to use the one and a package of Egg Beaters.
I got out a bowl. It wasn't a mixing bowl like the instructions said. It was just a plain old soup bowl, but that should have been good enough. I mean, really, what do they want?
Since the cake takes so long to make and bake, and I didn't want to wait that long, I just kept dipping my spoon into the mix and eating it as I went along. I set the oven to 500 degrees and turned it on to preheat. I added 4 cups of olive oil and my eggs. The package said vegetable oil, but olive oil is so much better for you that I decided to substitute it.
I got out my electric mixer like the one pictured on the package and turned it on the highest level. (I mean, HELLO, I want this sooner than later!) Well, let me tell you, the stuff went flying EVERYWHERE! WTF were they thinking?! Since the mixer obviously wasn't working, I just got out a spoon and stirred my mixture a few times.
I poured the mixture into the exact pan size that they said, and it didn't even cover the BOTTOM OF THE PAN, so I transferred the batter to a smaller pan that was 3 inches deep. I like thicker cakes, anyway.
I put the pan in the oven, and go to watch some TV. Who wants to watch something bake? I have better things to do !
Well, 45 minutes later I go to check on my cake (cause it was NOT smelling good) and I notice black smoke everywhere! The batter had oozed all over the side of my pan and burning on the oven's heating element! The rest of the cake was completely charred, there's no way I can eat that. I doesn't even look like a cake.
The box DID say to only bake it for 25 minutes, but really, should that be MY responsibility? Shouldn't the cake just KNOW when it's done and stop baking? Come on, it's the 21st century.
So, here I am standing in the middle of a mess with a worthless burnt cake. My oven is almost ruined, I've got cake mixture on every surface in my kitchen, and I didn't get to have my cake, let alone eat it too.
I don't advise anyone here to buy Betty Crocker products. They are nothing but a fraudulent rip-off. Your kitchen could be ruined.
And I'm suing them. It's all their fault. Link to original Betty Crocker post. http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/u...wflat&Main=149733&Number=2037943 This was the point of the thread. To call out people who claimed that the MB plan was a failure when they actually refused to follow it. ***edit*** No one ever said that the MB plan was 100% guaranteed to work if followed correctly. And no one ever blamed the BS for the failure if they followed the plan and it didn't work. The point of this thread is that you can't blame MB for not working if you don't actually follow it. That's it.
Last edited by JustUss; 06/22/11 03:34 PM. Reason: removed reference to deleted post
Me: BS/FWW: 48
BS/WH: 50
DS: 30, 27, 25
DD: 28
OC: 10
BH and I are raising my OC together.
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Pep - I guess what bothers me about the back and forth and my confusion is because my WH was deployed. I didn't have an option of Plan A because he was overseas. Below is how I implemented exposure. For my own conscience because now I am feeling bad, did I do good or did I really suck?
I didn't find MB until after the false recovery (23 January 2011) and the second time he dumped me for OW.
For my situation:
Thanksgiving 2010: find evidence of PA - I exposed to his commander, my MIL (who was actually gaslighting me), my family, two of his colleagues.
Christmas 2010: OW moves out of their shared apartment, WH returns to marriage, FR starts.
23 January 2011: WH dumps me for OW and I immediately file adultery charges with his commander against the two of them in the military as my only defense to bust up affair. I also send emails to more of his soldier buddies and ban MIL out of my life. I move home 1500 miles west to be near family because I am completely devastated.
First part of February (before MB): I do nothing but yell, scream, yell more, and scream more at my WH.
Finally find MB in April, and start Plan B.
6 May 2011: Get a gift (another picture) sent to me by a soldier that they are still together, so I do a full on exposure to WH entire command (higher ups and all his leaders). All soldiers both overseas and domestic letting them know he abandoned our family for OW, her entire family, and they will be home soon from deployment and we want our family saved.
Today I have nothing but raging anger from WH because of this last exposure and the military charges. Still do not know if affair has been killed. They return from deployment in two weeks, and I plan to move back by 1 September 2011.
Thanks Tough~
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Sorry for the interuption!
Carry on......
JustUss
Administrator/Moderator
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We, the BS, are the single largest impedance to both the affair ending and/or recovery.
Expose.
Plan A... P-R-O-P-E-R-L-Y
No expectations, no tit-for-tat, no love busters. What do you mean by, 'We the BS, are the single largest impedance to both the affair ending and/or recovery?'
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I can honestly say that I wished I'd known about MB back when I first found out about my H's A. I did everything wrong. If I'd had a plan to follow, I'm sure things would have turned out much differently and I wouldn't have had to endure 10 years of agony in silence. It never occurred to me to expose the A. I was actually mortified at the thought that someone might find out. The mere thought was horribly embarrassing to me, so I kept the secret, and I also maintained the environment that allowed the A to continue for many years. I didn't know anything about Plan A or Plan B. I thought my only option was to get a divorce (which I didn't want to do since I still loved my H very much) or live with the lies and betrayals.
Me: BS/FWW: 48
BS/WH: 50
DS: 30, 27, 25
DD: 28
OC: 10
BH and I are raising my OC together.
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What do you mean by, 'We the BS, are the single largest impedance to both the affair ending and/or recovery?' Because mose BS's won't do what is required to end the affair. What did you think he meant? Many, many BS's are too scared to do what has to be done and think they know better. The narrow road must be followed if you want to be successful.
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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