You said you're in your 50's and she's in her 30's, but what is the actual age difference? Is it closer to 10 years or 30 years?

AGG

KL, meeting her family means this is getting serious, right? Her family is going to have questions, they want to know that you'll be a good thing in their daughter's life. They may be thinking about grandkids.

The only problem I could see is lack of sex drive when you get older.
But you run marathons so you should remain healthy.
Jack Lelane had a wife much younger than him.
When men's Magazine went to interview jack at 80 years old Jack told them he still "had a hard on that a cat can't scratch"

KL,

I hope you aren't going into another relationship too fast. I understand what you mean about not needing to date 50 people, etc. but you already seem to be diving head in AGAIN with this new woman.

I don't think her preference to dating older men is an EN...IMO it's a preference the same as preferring blondes, a partner with a certain level of education, etc. Perhaps she thinks older men are more mature, secure, etc. We all have preferences for whatever reason...people like what they like. I wouldn't overanalyze it.

24 years. She�s 31, I�m 55.

Looking at the numbers in print makes the difference seem large. And I had trouble with that difference at first. In fact, she�s closer in age to my kids (about 10 years older), and I�m closer in age to her parents (about 10 years younger).

I don�t know how to explain it, but I hardly ever think about it anymore. I think of her as an equal, not as someone much younger than myself.

She�s a runner and runs at about the same pace as I do, which is a first for me in a relationship and I really like it. She�s also very intelligent, recently finishing an advanced degree in organic chemistry, and she really likes that she can talk about her work with someone who�s interested and can understand.

We get along well, and she�s just plain fun to be with, age notwithstanding.

It�s heading towards seriousness. I want to meet her family and want them to check me out. She�s going to meet half of my family around Christmastime, and I want them to check her out as well.

I read somewhere on one of these forums (I vaguely remember a post by indiegirl or markos, but I�m not sure) that part of validating a relationship is to make sure it�s logical as well as emotional. The emotional part is easy because of the way we feel about each other. It seems logical, but a better indicator of logical correctness will come from friends and family.

If we get logical validation from our respective families, then I�d say our relationship will definitely be serious. Until then, it�s a ton of fun, and we�re both enjoying this phase.

I read about sex drive and age in the book Younger Next Year, which says that if you keep yourself healthy and fit, you can enjoy sex well into your later years, and can have it as often as you want. What will happen though, as you age, is you won�t want it as often as you did when you were younger.

As long as I�m able, I don�t think I�d mind having sex more often than I want if my younger partner has more libido than I do!

(HDW, I noticed you�re from Ohio. We�re headed there for Thanksgiving. Is it cold there this time of year?)

Just keep in mind when she is 55 you will be 79.
My neighbor has a age difference like that. She is out riding her bike with a friend all the time while he sits at home because he is too old and unhealthy to do anything.

My therapist made a similar comment: that we both seem to be pushing the relationship forward. Some thoughts I have about that:

I don�t feel that I�m actively pushing the relationshp, trying to move it along at a fast pace. It feels like the relationship has a life of its own, and I�m along for the ride, enjoying every moment, not trying to steer it any particular way, not trying to put the brakes on, just letting it go wherever it may. R feels the same way, and we both like the way it feels. There�s no pretense, and we enjoy the fact that we can drop our guards and be ourselves around each other. It feels both natural and magical at the same time.

As I learned through therapy, I�m a relationship person. I�m fine being single, and I was doing just fine being single before I met R. But since meeting her, life is better. I�m happy when I�m in a healthy relationship. I like learning about another person, learning about their psychological interior, sharing mine, and through that process, learning more about myself. Being in a relationship is both fun and satisfying, for me at least. Not everyone is like that, but I am.

I�m a serial dater, not a parallel dater. I don�t do well trying to casually date multiple women. When I meet someone interesting, I lose the desire to date others. I know that�s not the MB way, but I feel that trying to date a lot of women goes against my nature.


I agree. I�ve spoken with her about this, and it�s just as you say, she simply happens to prefer older guys. I do tend to overanalyze, and when the thought about her preference possibly being an emotional need occurred, it intrigued me enough to post here.

As I posted earlier, I aspire to be competing in triathlon well into my 80's, even 90's if I'm around that long

In fact, the pool is calling for my lunchtime workout!!

I didn't say either of you were pushing the relationship but it is going fast IMO.


How long were you single before R showed up? I wasn't that long from what I recall. You don't have to date the 'MB way' but I still see some red flags here...or at least some yellow caution flags from YOU. R has brought other men to meet her parents so this is not uncommon for her yet you are taking it as a sign of serious intentions. No?

It's getting cold.
I ran a half marathon a couple weeks ago.
Do you plan on running while here?
When I travel I look on active.com for events

If you read the EN questionnaires (not saying you haven't, it's just a way to start the sentence), Dr. H suggests that there is room for making up your own EN(s). However, I don't know why as the ones he starts with seem to me to fit the entire spectrum.
-Is there a chance this "older guy" need could be actually explained in another EN, perpaps veiled as such?
IE what is it about "older guy" that draws her?
I knew a woman who was attracted to older men (she was 30 something, single at the time and dated a little). She said she liked the gray hair. I thing it actually boiled down to AS, but there could have been more to it - perhaps stability, stoicism, maturity - all of which could also be translated into existing EN's (e.g FS, FC, etc).

I would be concerned less about age and more about culture. 10 years is a lot in terms of the things that are familiar & comfortable to you. If you can still find things to talk about, then...no problem.

I've known a few older couples, married 60+ years who had considerable age gaps between them (but admittedly not that many).

opt

It's a good thing you date active women.
I don't think I may ever have a marriage again.
I'm too selfish. I would not give up health or exercise because my wife someday decided it wasn't what she wanted in a poja.

Sorry, I interpreted �diving in� as I was pushing it. Yes, it IS going fast. Sometimes it feels a little scary, especially when the trust hasn�t caught up with the vulnerability. But whenever we communicate those feelings to each other, the trust catches up, and the scariness goes away. It feels good when that happens.

2 months.

It depends on what you mean by �serious.� I think usually when someone brings a boyfriend or girlfriend to meet their parents, there is some element of �I like this person, and I want you to meet him or her and hopefully approve of them.� I do that, and obtaining approval from family members gives me confidence that my feelings are valid.

Yes, we do plan on running! R said there are nice trails to run on where her parents live. We probably won�t register for a timed event though, just go running for fun.

How about joining a running group? You might meet someone who loves to exercise as much as you do.

I don�t know, but as of the latest round of posts to this thread, I�ve decided to stop wondering. She�s told me several times that she likes older guys, likes me in particular, and I�m going to simply take that at face value.

She seems pretty mature for her age, at least compared to other women her age I know, and we never seem to run out of things to talk about. When growing up, she was (and still is) very attached to her mother; they�re both expert horse riders, and she spent a lot of time socializing with her mom and her mom�s horse-riding friends and became comfortable hanging out with older people. Her best (female) friends are in their 50�s & 60�s.

There is no problem with a relationship going fast, it's just the fun part of Infatuation where your feelings take over and all the things you have not yet found out about the other person are assumed to be perfect. That's why you need the test of time, to see how the person acts over the seasons, holidays, stress situations, sickness, etc. Your parents' or friends' approval will have nothing to do with that, and cannot short-circuit the time it takes to discover the other person.

It's hard for me to picture the age difference, it seems to me that the generational issue would be significant, but maybe she's an old soul and you are a young-at-heart, so it works out, who knows.


Still going with the "no sex before marriage" gig?

AGG

I can't predict the future, so it might work out.

However... the practical angle is hard for me to fathom.

24 years... When are you planning to retire? I don't know your financial sitch KL... but I assume with such an age gap, retirement could become a big hurdle. You want to go off to enjoy your golden years, and she is still enjoying her career.

Would you be able to financially support her to retire at the same time as you? Would she want to? You don't have to answer, just things to think about...

People are different, that is what makes life interesting. However, I am near her age. When I divorce, I have set a dating age range in my head. Ideally, no more then 10 years older. Because I think the hurdles due to the age difference would place additional burden on the relationship... not that these can't be overcome, but I want to increase the odds of any future marriage's success.

And I agree with BR... you are moving VERY fast with this. I think we should point this out, because I hope when I enter the dating scene others point this out to me.

I agree on both counts. As I said upfront, a full generation of an age difference is huge, and will become especially more noticeable in older age. What may seem like no biggie now will not be as simple when one person is in middle age and the other is in old age. Yes I know you plan to run marathons into your 90's, but things don't always go according to plan.

Same with the going fast routine, I'd slow way down. Give things time to develop instead of trying to short circuit them by getting everyone all spun up.

Like Caracal said, I am not trying to rain on your parade KL, just trying to give sound advice to my MB friend, as others have done for me years ago (even when I didn't like hearing it).

AGG