Did you inform the OW's BH about this site and invite him to join to utilize the resources to fight and survive an affair? It sounds like he would be amenable to utilizing the entire program to not only destroy the affair relationship, but to restore the romantic love in his own marriage, which obviously would aide your own marriage from at least this one particular enemy of your marriage reconciliation chances?

LTL

Can you buy a GPS unit and put it on his vehicle without him knowing?
What about a VAR?

Go check out the Operation Investigate forum for GPS suggestions that you can install on his vehicle - there are several suggestions there. You can also check the settings on his phone every day to see where he has gone. Another thing you can do is put a VAR in his car and listen to his phone conversations.

You can check his phone in the meantime: There is a useful feature in iOS that let's you track all the places an iPhone is taken within the prior month. Go to Settings:Privacy:Location Services:System Services:Frequent Locations. You will see entries at the bottom of the list. This will show you all locations visited, and the dates and times of each visit.

You can also get in his phone and turn the findmyiphone feature ON.

You won't see remorse until he has had NC for a while and comes out of the fog. Right now, he has no clue just how catastrophic this is or how much pain that he has caused you. Once that fog starts lifting, then he will not be so hurtful with his words.

The main focus for both of you right now should be NC. Every day that he stays NC, he is that much closer to coming out of the fog.

Buy a couple of voice activated recorders and hide them around. Staples has some small ones for $40-$50 each. There are some great GPS units for the car that have tracking visible on your home computer. If need be, subscribe to free phone tracer or another such service. It's about $20 per month and it lets you look up the owners and name/addresses of phone numbers, even cell phones (not throw away phones though).

Thanks! you and others here have asked that question. I will inform him about this site.

I will look into both thank you.

Thanks going to look at that forum now

I did that this past November and the next time I checked his phone it was turned back off.

Wow you are all a wealth of information. Going to look into all of this now.

Also, apparently Webwatcher can be put on an ipad or iphone without jailbreaking if you know the Apple ID.

I don't know the id but I will see if I can find out what it is.

You can turn it back on, right?

Here you go. GPS and VAR

Here is instruction on finding your apple ID: http://support.apple.com/kb/HT5625

Yes, I am not sure where his phone is now but when I get the chance I will put it back on. He is still very guarded with his phone, big red flag I know.

Thank you!

Thanks! I couldn't figure out his security questions. I will try again with email if I can ever get his phone long enough to delete the email Apple will send.

If he is hiding his phone then that means he is not conforming to extraordinary precautions and this is a deal breaker, my friend. Not only do you need the phone, but you need the password to everything, his phone, email, everything. If he is not willing to give you those things, then he is not serious about recovery.

I would ask him for his phone and his passcode because you would like to take a look at it. An honest, sincere spouse will gladly hand it over.

Don't tell him you are going to turn on the findmyiphonefeature.

From Surviving an Affair, pg 66-67

The extraordinary precautions do more than end marriage-threatening affairs; they help a couple form the kind of relationship they always wanted.

These recommendations may seem rigid, unnecessarily confining, and even paranoid to those who have not been the victim of infidelity. But people like Sue and Jon, who have suffered unimaginable pain as a result of an affair that spun out of control, can easily see their value. For the inconvenience of following my advice, Sue would have spared herself and Jon the very worst experience of their lives.


Checklist for How Affairs Should End

_____The unfaithful spouse should reveal information about the affair to the betrayed spouse.

_____The unfaithful spouse should make a commitment to the betrayed spouse to never see or talk to the lover OP again.

_____The unfaithful spouse should write a letter to the lover OP ending the relationship and send it with the approval of the betrayed spouse.

_____The unfaithful spouse should take extraordinary precautions to guarantee total separation from the lover OP:

_____Block potential communication with the lover OP (change e-mail address and home and cell phone numbers, and close all social networking accounts; have voice messages and mail monitored by the betrayed spouse).

_____Account for time (betrayed spouse and wayward spouse give each other a twenty-four-hour daily schedule with locations and telephone numbers).

_____Account for money (betrayed spouse and wayward spouse give each other a complete account of all money spent).

_____Spend leisure time together.

_____Change jobs and relocate if necessary.

_____Avoid overnight separation.

_____Allow technical accountability.

_____ Expose affair to family members, clergy, and/or friends.