Blindsighted, Originally it would not have made sense that she could avoid him at work, because I thought he was like her supervisor. It turns out he is like a department head that is her bosses boss, and the only reason that they were talking, is because she would come up with problems to bring up to him, and then hang out for 15 to 30 minutes just BS'ing. She said that he won't even say hi to her anymore, and the only reason I believe that, is that when she says it, she sounds disappointed.

It is an act put on for you. She essentially sees her affair partner at work every day. It is like the alcoholic who goes into the bar every day and drinks. He changes the name of his drinks to "business drinks" and then tells people he is sober.

Rr, why don't you just READ the text messages?

I would also check to see if she has another phone in hiding. I don't believe the affair ended, it just went further underground. Also, they can use office phones all day long.

RoughRock,
Actions, man. Come back with a plan. You keep bringing up excuses or more "red flags", etc.

You have been given great advice, use it and develop a plan. SNOOPING should be a priority. VAR, GPS, Apps, keyboard tracker, etc. all cheap and easy.

Meanwhile Plan A, you don't EVER tip your hand to a wayward. She is addicted, and in an affair, of course she is going to lie to you and downplay everything.

Waywards only admit to one or 2 levels below what actually happened(and if they are "moral" it will be more levels of lying).
In other words, just friends = emotional affair or even kissing, out for drinks = hotel sex session, you get the picture.

No one communicates to someone as much as your wife did, and not have a deep connection.

Melody, I sure wish I could have read the text messages. During the time she was texting him, I was actually checking her phone occasionally, but she was deleting her texts from him before she got home. That is why i didn't originally see it. The uneasy feeling I felt eventually led me to checking the cell phone bill. I tried to find out if I could restore the texts somehow, but it seemed impossible. As far as the phone calls, she originally told me that she only called him one time, and that it was awkward, and she only talked for a few minutes. I went way back in the archives, and sure enough, way back in March it shows that she called him, and it was only about 5 minutes. If she has a secret phone, it would have to have been acquired after D-day, because they were texting a ton on her regular phone. Like I said before, she told me that she stopped because she could see that he wanted to got to the next level,and it scared her. I could see a definite date, April 29th, that there was no more texts. That is why i think that most of what she has told me is true. I don't believe she told me all the details, but everything she said adds up when I research it.

NebDane, I am going to take the snooping to another level, and get a GPS/Mic, and just see where that leads me. Some of this will take some time and planning. I said the same thing to her that you mentioned. I told her that no one communicates that much without talking about some pretty deep things. I am not stupid, and believe me for the last month, my mind has been filling in every text message with the worst possible content. I honestly look at each text as an individual betrayal, because she knew how much pain i was already in from the previous incidents. She knew without a doubt that she should not be doing what she was doing, and she still chose to do it. It still hurts me to think about that.

April the 29th is likely he date that she went further underground with her affair. You can read all go her deleted texts with a device that is sold by brick house security. I would buy the device and just present it to her and ask for her phone. I assure you that she will flip out because she doesn't want you to know how far the affair went.

I looked into the brick house security device, and my wifes phone is one that it specifically mentions won't work. it is an old verizon model phone. I think i need to get her a new Iphone as a gift, just for future snooping purposes, plus they have GPS. I do like the idea of telling her I bought one, and see how she reacts to knowing I am about to read all the texts.

VAR hidden in the car she drives will probably yield all you need to know and then some. Around $60 at BestBuy. Be prepared for the filth you will hear.

You realize that she is lying to you repeatedly, right? There is NO WAY this has ended. She is playing you, maybe even gaslighting you now.

What you describe is not unique, it is in fact the exact script we see all the time.

Meanwhile, be calm, cool, collected(James Bond). Don't engage in discussions about it anymore, don't have angry outbursts, just be a great husband. (this will be hard as hell)
Your job is to put her at ease (so you can snoop), she will slip up, they all do.

RR18,

Since he is your WWs bosses boss then the inappropriateness is even greater, what is stopping you from speaking with personnel?

BTW just mentioning a polygraph will cause some wayward spouses to spill.

God Bless
Gamma

Affairs are addictions and your wife is an addict. Isn't her behaviour exactly what you would expect from an alcoholic who is still working in the bar?

Just like any addict, your wife, in her own mind, has found ways to justify and minimize her hurtful behaviour.

That is the fog.

Gamma, Shouldn't I wait to speak to personnel, until after I have acquired some evidence that is more concrete?
I actually did mention a polygraph last week, because i had read that on here, and she absolutely refused. She said you might as well just divorce me, because there is no way I will do that. I said "If you have nothing to hide, why do you care". She says she views it as an insult, and she can't even believe that I would ask that. Plus she says that she doesn't trust them as far as being accurate. Then she repeats over and over, that she has told me everything that there is to tell.

STOP asking her anything about the, More Than Just Friends aspect.

Get her a new gift cell phone with the spy gear already installed and hidden.

Is the cell phone bill on your account? Then just have the new phone get her same phone number.

Did you install several VAR's yet? One in her car and another wherever she goes in the house for some privacy? That can usually be the bathroom or the bedroom.

You already have your answer that there is, was and still will be more going on behind your back by the way she reacted to your request for a polygraph.

Stop asking her ANY MORE Questions. Snoop in secret.

Do those important steps NOW!!!

LTL

I will purchase a VAR sometime this week. I will place it in her car.
So to answer a question I asked before, should I wait a while to report the incident to his/her work? Maybe I just need to lay low for a few weeks and gather all the info I can?

Get evidence that would convince a jury first and then keep it in a safe place. What Dr. Harley also recommends is that you give your wife 30 days to leave the job before reporting it to the authorities.

Another question....I don't really have anyone to confide in. Would it be smart to tell a close friend about all the details, or just keep it to myself. I just feel like I am going to go crazy keeping everything to myself. Also, I read in another thread about anti depressants, and was wondering if that would be a good idea for me to do, at least while I am going through all this. I just can't focus on anything in my life. I am useless at work, and I just want to feel normal again. I have felt like a zombie for the last 6 months.

Change that from getting one sometime this week to getting one today and installed today.

It will only take a few days to find out something. Then, you go full time exposure.

You need to find something convincing, not just your gut feelings.

But, do not delay. Every day things may get more deeply involved.

LTL

Go see a Dr. and get the AD's. Dr. Harley recommends Wellbutrin.

LTL

You get through this with eating right, sleeping and exercise. Melatonin is a good supplemental sleep aide. I'll bet you have lost weight and are not sleeping well.

You also can supplement with getting perscriptions, but that will take even more discipline to not get hooked and come off at a later date.

Confiding in a friend is a good idea, to help get the emotions out.
This needs to be someone you trust(not a female), and must be someone you can rely on. You may need them to be something more in the future.