But i always have been sappy, lol!!!

Okay, I'll continue waiting.

Thank You BR.

LTL

Now i just received a text from her.

Quote:
I would like to meet u tomorrow at school for lunch for S-11's bday. Does that work for u and S-11?
End Quoted Text

LTL

That depends what your plan is, are you in Plan A or B? Do you have a custody order in order? Also, I would ask your son how he feels about it as well.

I started on this forum nearly 4 years after D-Day, which was 1 year and 5 months after she moved out and had a live in POSOM for about 9 months at that point, which was last July.

Prior to that, i did as much Plan A without knowing about it as i could, but continued trying to do nice and loving actions, regardless of her accepting it or not.

I have 100% custody of our son by default, with no court proceedings and order

I agreed with her Sister to keep her updated on things about her nephew, our Son and also sent updates to my WW each month, regardless if she requested them or did not reply. I started doing that more after my WW and POSOM temporarily broke up last February 2013, the weekend after Valentines Day.

After i took my Son to visit his Grandma's grave memorial last May 4th, the SIL forwarded my text to my WW and she sent me a text telling me to F### Off. (Her car was at the bar at 11:30 am, which is 1 block away from the cemetary, but i didn't throw that in her face)

From that date on, i stopped making any contact with her and only heard from her in September 2013 when she wanted help understanding her family heath care coverage. Then again, a feeble attempt to contact our Son for Christmas, although she had not picked him up or spoke to him since last January 2013. (She said she had too much anxiety after POSOM broke up with her and couldn't deal with our Son)

I am concerned for our Son that if she comes back into his life and falls off the face of the earth again, that it will harm him further. He had previous panic attacks due to srparation anxiety after D-Day and after she moved out.

LTL

Personally I would decline the offer. Her showing up at his school for lunch with no time for him to get his head around the idea doesn't feel good.

She's copping out by coming to the school instead of meeting him in a more intimate setting. This feel too abrupt.

My opinion.

Prior to her 10:00 am text that you just read, she sent an e-mail at 5:30 am stating how awkward that would be for our S-11 to meet him at the lunchroom in front of his friends.

Quote:
I understandably assuming not a good idea I have lunch with S-11 at school. He will prefer to see me in private and not around all his friends will prob question and wonder. Please tell him happy bday and that I do love him very much. I will b working most the day as I am subbing midday route and already have a after school field trip. I wish you both a wonderful day.
End Quoted E-Mail

So i know she realizes that too. I think she is getting advice from others to contact me by e-mail, cell phone VM, and by text to show others i am being unresponsive to her requests, finally, to visit our Son.

I will reply later this afternoon.

LTL

LTL,

Stop saying that you have 100% custody of your son.
You don't.

I stated there was no court order.

In the past 2 full years, he has been with me all but approximately 30 hours.

In the past 379 days, he has been with me 100% of the time.

If and when it eventually goes to court for visitation, the time split will be significantly less with me than it is currently.

I don't feel that debating the symantics of the legality versus the reality serves any purpose at this time, although i do agree that she could legally "Kidnap" our son at any time without repercussions.

LTL

Why dont you focus on ensuring that you have legal custody and see an attorney?

EDIT: I believe that Dr Harley would also encourage you to see an attorney and get custody.

Today was her birthday.

For several different time periods throughout my day, i tossed around the thought of sending her a Happy Birthday message.

But, what held my spontaneous urges in check was being completely cognizant of the fact that it has now been 477 days since she last picked up our son for a visit and has not even made an attempt to follow through with even contacting him with one stinking phone call.

Although i accepted the reality that she has completely transformed from being a Good Wife, a Good Mother and a Good Friend over a year ago, the abandonment of her only child and the potentials missed out by him having an intact 2 parent family like originally envisioned still causes moderate pain.

The truth is, is that he obviously is better off Without her presence in his life.

That reality still blows though, none the less.

2 weeks ago when i was driving him home after his most recent karate tournament, he turned to me and asked:

"Dad? Is it bad of me that i don't even remember what my Mom's voice sounds like anymore?"

I explained that was completely understandable and a natural result of an extremely unnatural circumstance that neither of us have any control over.

It still breaks my heart that our precious young 11 year old boy has to endure this abandonment rejection, through no fault of his own ever in his life. He should have been destined to grow up with so much more support, until a selfish alien took over my Wife and his Mother.

Just venting on what used to be a very special day to look forward to. I loved picking out nice feminine styled gifts of jewelry, chocolates and flowers for her on her birthday and contrary to her rewrite of 1 birthday right after she started her 1st affair and blamed me for forgetting her birthday, even though i purchased all of her gifts the previous day, and gave them to her on her birthday, i Never Forgot a single treasured special occasion.

Enough venting. I'll go back to my world of indifference to my former feelings, which still actually exist, but for my original Wife and Son's Mom, not this despicable selfish alien who forgot what used to be her most important values in life and will leave behind a very regretful legacy.

LTL

Have you talked to a lawyer yet? What is your plan? Has your son ever sat down and written out his feelings and sent it to your WW?

LTL,

In February you were writing to Dr. Harley for advice.
What was his recommendation?
Were you on the Radio?

Are you in Plan A?

Yes i have spoken with several lawyers, but primarily the one i am using to fight my home foreclosure case.

Initially each started out wanting to go Gung Ho to set up a child custody case,Until they saw that she has not made any effort to even contact our son. At that point, in my own words, they agreed that allowing the status quo to continue was in the best interests of my boy, with the caveat that she could absolutely pick up our son with no immediate legal consequences.

None of them have EVER had an opposing female mother/spouse totally dismiss their own child for so long with no substantial valid rationale to avoid doing so, especially since i have never shown an angry temper or previously was inclined to prevent any visitations, with the exceptions of those that were major drug addicts bouncing in and out of rehab.

Regarding having my son write a letter to her???

I had not felt that it would be appropriate previously to instigate or be instrumental in initiating him do do that.

I will definitely discuss the pros and cons with my IC tomorrow afternoon to see if that would be beneficial to our son, or if it would incur a potential scraping his emotional wound. Mostly, he seems to not have any significant fallout from his Mom abandoning us in the manner she did.

Thank you for the suggestion.

LTL

Every time i wanted to even think of writing a letter to Dr. Harley, i couldn't believe how pathetic i reacted and could ONLY focus on trying to reconcile our marriage for so long by doing primarily a pretty darn good Plan A for over 2 1/2 years prior to her moving out with no advance notice of her intent. It was all planned behind my back with her sisters and new friends assistance.

Additionally, i am still fighting for my financial and emotional stability, battling plenty of periods of not knowing what to do next.

My health, regarding my knees and other joints have deteriorated significantly over this past extreme winter and i had a Doctor appointment last week to get a referral to an orthopedic specialist to explore options regarding my knees in particular, hoping that some minimally invasive options may help, yet fully accepting that i may need to have both knees replaced in the near future.

I am hoping and Praying that the arrival of warmer weather may naturally alleviate some of the pain and symptoms.

That's not a good predicament for someone needing to do roofing estimates.

I am not, nor will not do any mare Plan A ever since her F**k Off message to me last year on May 4th when i visited Her Mom's grave memorial site and texted her sister how nicely taken care of the plaque looked, along with complimenting the very pretty and recently placed flowers that were in the vase on the plaque.

LTL

LTL,

I think it would be a good idea to write Dr. Harley and get his perspective.

Sorry to hear about the joint problems. Those aren't fun.

LTL,


How is your situation moving along?

Thanks for asking.

I take very good care of my Son, who is 11 years old and in 6th Grade, which is Middle School. He is absolutely one of the kindest and emphatic young boys I honestly know, and that is from dozens of other adults observations, besides my own.

My contracting business is up and running, not as full time that I would like, yet pretty good and profitable for the past 3 months, minus a 2 job deal I got involved with that hasn't paid out yet via Fannie Mae foreclosure work. If I get paid, it doesn't sound like the party that contracted my company is paying for significant required code upgrade work required. I know the court systems and Lien laws very well, yet I know those are both lengthy processes to achieve results.

I am 11 days away from what may be my final foreclosure court date and am putting together an updated HAMP Modification Application for my mortgage.

As long as there is an application pending, the home can not go forth to the Sheriffs Sale, so I am doing the best I can and hoping my accountant can provide the paperwork in a fashion that the bank underwriters deem acceptable.

I presume you bumped my thread due to my post on someone else's situation referring to the complete lack of Motherly contact my Wife has not had with our Son. You read the days correctly. It is 631 days since the last time she even spoke with our boy.

With the exception of her sending a text to me, (on the precise anniversary date I discovered her 1st affair), which she stated that she needed to speak with me regarding insurance, which I ignored without going into any mental or emotional gymnastics from. I had written her a long time ago that I would not discuss anything at all with her unless the topic was about her choosing to get into an alcohol treatment program or how to begin phasing in supervised visitation, that I want nothing to do with her drama.

I'm just focussing on trying to learn to be a better person all around, using the MB principles in conjuction with my 12 Steps to fulfill that desire, so that I can raise the healthiest and caring son that is possible under the limited circumstances.

Other than that, I read every post on this site every day to stay tuned in and used to listen to the MB Radio program about 3 days per week, but work has affected that, which is the right thing to have as an interference as things standd

LTL

I'm so sorry for your DS11. On one hand I'm glad that he has you and that he doesn't have to deal with his toxic mom.

I'm glad he knows what a special kid he is.

Glad you're a MB radio listener. Dr. Harley has a way of explaining things.

Recently, my WW has made one sided contact via texts to my business cell phone.

I have not responded, because the 1st few messages were 1 1/2 months ago after no contact at all in many many months.

Those were about insurance, but left very vague.

Last May, she did not continue her work family insurance plan, which I heard nothing about until late summer, when my orthopedic specialists billing department contacted me about unreimbursed services totalling about $15,000 dollars. I then had to call the school district she worked for and found out she took a leave of absence on May 1st and didn't continue the coverage.

So, I am currently trying for the Government Insurance plan instead of contacting her.

Last week she texted that we should be getting new insurance cards in the mail soon.

I figure so far it's just words. Until we have the insurance cards, I am still proceeding with the Government Program.

Now, last night she texted a nice comment about a video I posted on FB from my sons 6th Grade Fall Choir Concert held last week and about a Limousine Ride To Lunch he was awarded as a prize for his sales efforts for a school fundraising.

Copy Of Her Text From Last Night:
I'm glad (Sons Name) had fun on limo lunch and school sing "whisper" was awesome.
END.

So, after not responding to the previous texts, I am wondering if this deserves a response?

She didn't ask anything about wanting to talk to or visit our Son, who is 11 years old and quickly approaching 12.

As of today, it has been 652 Days since she last had any contact, phone or in person, with our Son.

P.S.
I am NOT all emotionally bent out of shape over the recent texts..... No depression, or wallowing in What ifs or self pity. I feel quite ambivalent about the contact, which I could not say 1 to 1 1/2 years ago.

LTL

I'm so baffled that a mom would completely up and cut all contact with her DS.

How is he doing? Does he ask about her anymore?

Good luck on the insurance. It will be nice to have one less thing tied through her.

I forget, but does she pay CS?