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My son is 9 and I just told him and with who, as he knows them both very well. He is friends with both women's boys. All he said was " I guess this means no more baseball" I don't see any reason why you can't tell your girls the same as you told your son. I think you are over thinking it. You should tell the girls tonight and get it over with.
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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IThey are twins so yes they are delayed, one is more delayed than the other. I've been reading on how to tell them on their own level. I am ok with them knowing, it's just making sure I say the right thing and I'm ready with answers because they will hit me with a lot of questions. HB, simply tell them the truth just as you told the boy. This is not complicated. Tell them their dad committed adultery with OW. Explain what adultery means and tell them how much it hurts you. Explan why adultery is immoral. I would make it clear to them that you all will have no contact with the OW and her family for life. Do this without telling your husband first. Just tell the girls on your own and encourage them to speak to your H if they have any questions.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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So we worked with HB a little today and I think we have a short term plan worked out.
DH is going to be coming home this evening. We figured they can't work anything out if they are apart.
They seem to have a problem with love busters, so HB is going to be working to eliminate these from her side of the fence. The goal of this is partially to show hubby the benefits of working the program and more importantly to stop the LB withdrawals.
She is also going to work her three action items:
1. Eliminate both Facebook accounts
2. Change both of their cell numbers.
3. Sit her children down herself and tell them what is going on.
We've gone over the reasons for all of these items so I believe HB is on board.
Her husband has indicated that he would be willing to go on the radio show with her so that is a positive.
I believe all of this is in line with what would be recommended here, but wanted to put it out there for the more experienced.
I also believe HB and her DH would benefit from some help getting their love busters under control (especially bringing up mistakes of the past).
Is there anything else we should be working into her plan right now? HB is currently at the point of being very upset that her DH isn't showing more initiative on his own. Reading, posting, etc. Of course he just wants it to all go away. Bravo!!! HB, you have a great resource right here. 
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Nov 2010
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Please listen to the clips in here. Exposing to Children
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Just an update on what's going on. My husband has been reading on the marriage builders website and we have been reading surving an affair together nightly. We changed all numbers, deleted fb, and blocked the ow numbers from all our phones. ( the ow would contact me often) things seem to he ok, I'm learning to control my emotions which was very hard for me. It's getting easier. My husband is not against telling the girls about his affair, he's been reading and agrees that it will be best to tell them.
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Joined: Nov 2010
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Just an update on what's going on. My husband has been reading on the marriage builders website and we have been reading surving an affair together nightly. We changed all numbers, deleted fb, and blocked the ow numbers from all our phones. ( the ow would contact me often) things seem to he ok, I'm learning to control my emotions which was very hard for me. It's getting easier. My husband is not against telling the girls about his affair, he's been reading and agrees that it will be best to tell them. Did he send the OW a NC letter? Have you spoke to your doctor about ADs?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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The affair has been ended since October. I'm 100% sure. Her husband and I stayed in Contact for a while after I exposed it to him to make sure nothing else came up.
What is Ads?
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I have been on ads since October. They also gave me Xanax but I no longer take them. I'm ok without the Xanax. I'm sleeping fine and my heart dosent race near as much as it did.
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The affair has been ended since October. I'm 100% sure. Her husband and I stayed in Contact for a while after I exposed it to him to make sure nothing else came up.
What is Ads? I still think he needs to write a NC letter and you send it. This is a very important step for a WH to show he is serious about recovery. If he can't do that, then that is red flag.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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My advice is to write a final letter in a way that the victimized spouse would agree to send it. It should begin with a statement of how selfish it was to cause those they loved so much pain, and while marital reconciliation cannot completely repay the offense, it's the right thing to do. A statement should be made about how much the unfaithful spouse cares about his spouse and family, and for their protection, has decided to completely end the relationship with the lover. He or she has promised never to see or communicate with the lover again in life, and asks the lover to respect that promise. Nothing should be said about how much the lover will be missed. After the letter is written, the victimized spouse should read and approve it before it is sent [from SAA, pg 58] OW, I want you to know that out of respect and love for my wife and children, I have come to realize that I must never see or talk to you again. My relationship with you was a cruel indulgence that BS did not deserve. While I cannot completely repay BS for the pain I caused her, I will do my best to become the husband she has been missing. I care a great deal for my family and I would not want to do anything to risk their happiness. I will not make any further contact with you and I do not want you to make any contact with me. Please respect my desire to end our relationship. Sincerely, XXXXX
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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We will get on with the letter tonight after getting kids in bed. The ow lives very close to me. She lives in my neighborhood.
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She rents so I do pray she moves. We just had this house built less than 2 years ago, so we will not be moving. Just wanted to add that incase moving comes up. It's not an option for us.
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She rents so I do pray she moves. We just had this house built less than 2 years ago, so we will not be moving. Just wanted to add that incase moving comes up. It's not an option for us. I am so sorry, because that means marital recovery is not an option. If you put the house before your marriage, you won't make it. You can't possibly recover your marriage living in the same neighborhood as the OW. Even if you have to rent out your home to move, you should do it without delay. Every time you and your H drive by the OW house, you will both be triggered. And as long as your H is perpetually triggered, there is a strong chance the affair will resume. Go to this thread: here and listen to the radio clips for this caption: ...........this radio clip is the typical outcome when a couple does not move away from the OP. [when they live close by] This WH, Bob, and his OW lived a mile apart and the affair has been on and off for 3 1/2 years. The BW is now divorcing him and their little boy is severely depressed. This is what happens when one ignores Dr Harley's recommendations for NO CONTACT FOR LIFE. We have seen this happen over and over again on the SAA board over the years
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Renting out our house and moving is not an option. It may mean we have to work harder,and that's what we will do. I'm sorry but I completely disagree that we can't fix things while living here. I believe we can.
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HB, there is no house on the face of the earth that is worth sacrificing your marriage. None. We have had hundreds of people move in order to get away from their affair partner. "In spite of career sacrifices, friendships, and issues relating to children's schooling, I am adamant in recommending that there be no contact with a former lover for life. For many, that means a move to another state. But to do otherwise fails to recognize the nature of addiction and its cure." Sure, you can skip this step. But you are facing an on again, off again affair for years and very likely a divorce.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Renting out our house and moving is not an option. It may mean we have to work harder,and that's what we will do. I'm sorry but I completely disagree that we can't fix things while living here. I believe we can. I am so sorry.  Your marriage will not make it. You can disagree all you want, but you can't disagree with reality. I have been here for 14 years and have not seen a marriage recover where affairees remained neighbors. However, I have seen many, many affairs resume because the WS was perpetually triggered. Your husband can't ever withdraw with the OW living right there. The motivation and the opportunity to resume the affair will always be there until you move.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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How to Survive an Affair chapter in HIS NEEDS, HER NEEDS
p. 177
...I have seen husbands build new and wonderful relationships with their wives but then go back to their lovers after five or six years of what appeared to be marital bliss. When I ask them why, they inevitably tell me they miss the woman terribly and still love her. At the same time they stoutly affirm they love their wives dearly and would not think of leaving them.
I believe a man like this has told the truth. He is hopelessly entangled and needs all the help possible to be kept away from his lover and stay faithful to his wife. I often recommend that a man once involved in an affair come in to see me every three to six months on an indefinite basis, just to talk about how things are going and to let me know how successfully he has stayed away from his lover. He must resign himself to a lifetime without her. He must certainly not work with his former lover and should probably live in some other city or state. Even with those restrictions the desire for her company persists...
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I also would like to add that everyone in our neighborhood knows about the affair. I exposed it to them. We have a neighborhood fb page.
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I also would like to add that everyone in our neighborhood knows about the affair. I exposed it to them. We have a neighborhood fb page. I am so sorry.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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If your husband refuses to move, Dr. Harley would recommend that YOU move away yourself with the children to another city, state and go into Plan B, a dark separation. The goal is that when your husband is truly willing to move, he will follow you to the new safe place. Staying there in the same neighborhood with the OW will a) make recovery impossible and b) will tear you down emotionally and physically living with her in close proximity. Every time you see her house or car will be a trigger for you. And it will certainly be a trigger for your husband and the OW. You might want to email Dr. Harley and ask for his help in persuading your husband to get out of there. Email your questions to Joyce Harley at mbradio@marriagebuilders.com. When your email question is chosen to be answered on the radio show, you will be notified by email directing you to listen to the rebroadcast. If you would like to consider being a caller, include your telephone number. You will be called by us to explain the procedure to you. Every caller will receive a complementary book by Dr. Harley that addresses their question.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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