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Do you have his phone #? His email address? He should be easy enough to track down. If you have his email address, try using it in a search on Facebook. For his phone #, go to http://safecaller.com/index.php
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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You need to find out - on your own - who he is and if he is married. The affair should be exposed to his spouse and his family. Does he have a Facebook account? This is some young guy my wife met on a plane. He lives in a different country. I wouldn't begin to know how to track down any info. You need to figure this out. Find out his name, marital status, everything. Do you have his name? I made her delete everything from her iphone after she sent the cut off message. When I saw the message go out from her iphone last night just before it all erupted it just had a G on it, so that's the letter of a first name.
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Joined: Apr 2001
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You need to find out - on your own - who he is and if he is married. The affair should be exposed to his spouse and his family. Does he have a Facebook account? This is some young guy my wife met on a plane. He lives in a different country. I wouldn't begin to know how to track down any info. You need to figure this out. Find out his name, marital status, everything. Do you have his name? I made her delete everything from her iphone after she sent the cut off message. When I saw the message go out from her iphone last night just before it all erupted it just had a G on it, so that's the letter of a first name. You can get everything back with some software: http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2826225#Post2826225You MUST find out who it is. Otherwise he is free to come in and out of her life. You can't exactly protect yourself and your marriage without this information. We need you to be a little more strategic and proactive, Sir.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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You need to find out - on your own - who he is and if he is married. The affair should be exposed to his spouse and his family. Does he have a Facebook account? This is some young guy my wife met on a plane. He lives in a different country. I wouldn't begin to know how to track down any info. You have his number, correct? You can check online records and get his number and then look his number up online to get his name.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Texan it is highly likely he IS married. She didn't send him the sort of 'buzz off' message you send a hook up and she hasn't left you for him.
The message she sent him warned him about you. She is telling him to be on his guard in case you find him.
If he has a wife, then yours is just a side dish and he will dump her.
It is worth finding him and running him off - at least for your child's sake. You don't want him being introduced to this guy as his new stepdad, which is likely.
Please follow through with exposure for your son if not for the marriage. His mother has an addiction and that cannot be good for him.
I'd look into getting ADs too, you sound a little battered and they can give you the short term focus needed to beat this.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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Joined: Apr 2001
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You need to find out - on your own - who he is and if he is married. The affair should be exposed to his spouse and his family. Does he have a Facebook account? This is some young guy my wife met on a plane. He lives in a different country. I wouldn't begin to know how to track down any info. You need to figure this out. Find out his name, marital status, everything. Do you have his name? I made her delete everything from her iphone after she sent the cut off message. When I saw the message go out from her iphone last night just before it all erupted it just had a G on it, so that's the letter of a first name. Not knowing who the fox is means he is free to enter your life again. He can move next door and you wouldn't even know!! He has assaulted your marriage and unless you take steps to keep him out, he will come back. Count on it.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Look at your cell phone bill for out of state numbers. Look them up on Spokeo. That should at least give you a name and a city. Then you can search other sites for the address and Facebook for his family. He has a wife.
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PS Do not feel bad about "snooping". No affairs in my marriage and we snoop. But we call it transparency.
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Have you told your children yet? Have you seen this? Exposing to Children
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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I just can't relive cheating again. She told me over the course of the night that it had been many more times than the 1 she ever told me about, which was my fear. What do you mean by this^^^^? Another affair or she admitted to a PA with this guy (had sex with him more than once)? I mean that 6 or 7 years ago she came to me and confessed to an affair. It put our marriage in serious harm and through some counseling we were able to decide to try to move past it. Through time, prayer, and lots of patience and love we got back on track. It was an online EA that culminated in 1 night physical affair(guy lived in England). This is the only one she ever told me about but last night admitted to more before the one I knew about (didn't give me a number) and 1 between that and now that she said lasted a month. This floored me. This last one was purely EA and only 1 month (until last nights confrontation) Why is it that you didn't bother to mention your WW's first affair when you first posted here? Really Texan!!!! That is not a minor oops to withhold and then act dazed and confused that your WW is withdrawn from you. I told you that you are both conflict avoiders and you are still being one. That you don't want to expose to your children is another indicator of that. Go tell your children what is going on. Own up to your neglect of your wife through gaming but don't take responsibility for her serial cheating choices...that is 100% on her. If you aren't serious about either trying to salvage your marriage by using MB or proceeding with divorce, then stop wasting people's time. Sorry if that sounds harsh but you are in your own fantasyland and need to wake up. I personally wouldn't attempted recovery with a serial cheater (I divorced one) but that is your choice to make. If you do decide to divorce, TX is a fault state and her adultery can be cited. Either way, stop shielding her from the consequences of her affairs and being an enabler.
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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BR makes an amazingly good point. Adultery scares you so you avoid handling it - mentioning it even. You stick your head in the sand and pretend the problem is you. You, you can control. 
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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Why is it that you didn't bother to mention your WW's first affair when you first posted here? Really Texan!!!! That is not a minor oops to withhold and then act dazed and confused that your WW is withdrawn from you. I told you that you are both conflict avoiders and you are still being one. That you don't want to expose to your children is another indicator of that. Go tell your children what is going on. Own up to your neglect of your wife through gaming but don't take responsibility for her serial cheating choices...that is 100% on her.
If you aren't serious about either trying to salvage your marriage by using MB or proceeding with divorce, then stop wasting people's time. Sorry if that sounds harsh but you are in your own fantasyland and need to wake up. I personally wouldn't attempted recovery with a serial cheater (I divorced one) but that is your choice to make. If you do decide to divorce, TX is a fault state and her adultery can be cited. Either way, stop shielding her from the consequences of her affairs and being an enabler. I was so shellshocked by the whole situation rolling around again (the talk about her not loving me anymore) that I was honestly not thinking straight. Her actions around the house are what made me suspicious and lead to the uncovering and confrontation. She just wants out, but it is not that easy for her. Her entire family are in Canada. I know she would rather be there but she will not abandon our son to achieve that. I'm an excellent father and provider. I am a very caring and nurturing person by nature. She does know this. Through this ALL for some reason I still love her. She does not love me. She has definitely cut off all contact with the EA. She has given me access to her phone and email. I think she knows what a crap situation she has put herself in. I am not going to put her out in the street. I know this is enabling but this is the mother of my children and I will not do it. As long as she is in the house she understands that there can be NO engaging in outside relationships with men and I will be checking up on her. I guess when I first came here my marriage was already DOA and I just didn't know it yet. I didn't mean to waste anyone's time and I was sincerely looking for a way to save my marriage. Right now all my hope is in Jesus Christ.
Last edited by Texan44; 03/02/15 11:26 AM.
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You can still turn this around! don't give up yet. Go read Wifedivorcing's thread for encouragement.
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Are you wanting a plan to save this, Texan?
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I was so shellshocked by the whole situation rolling around again (the talk about her not loving me anymore) that I was honestly not thinking straight. So now that you are thinking straight, you are going to tell your children about her affairs, right? Are you listening to the Marriage Builders Radio show?
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Are you wanting a plan to save this, Texan? Aside from divine intervention inside my wife's heart I really don't believe this can be saved.
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So now that you are thinking straight, you are going to tell your children about her affairs, right?
Are you listening to the Marriage Builders Radio show? I am not going to talk to my 10 year old son about how his mother allowing men to use her sexually. I haven't decided what I am going to do yet.
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Are you wanting a plan to save this, Texan? Aside from divine intervention inside my wife's heart I really don't believe this can be saved. In that case, I would suggest you do two things: * Tell your children about her affairs (alone, not with her) * See an attorney today and start divorce proceedings, planning a lifestyle where you do not have any contact with her. Are you listening to the Marriage Builders Radio show, daily?
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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So now that you are thinking straight, you are going to tell your children about her affairs, right?
Are you listening to the Marriage Builders Radio show? I am not going to talk to my 10 year old son about how his mother allowing men to use her sexually. That doesn't make any sense. He is 10, not 3. Does your child seriously not know the birds and the bees at age 10? Don't say "allowed men to use her sexually." Say "your mother has had an affair with two men. Let me tell you who they are so you can recognize them." EXPECT UNHAPPINESS IN YOUR FUTURE IF YOU DO NOT DO THIS. Regardless of whether you decide to remain married or not. Are you listening to the Marriage Builders Radio show, daily?
Last edited by markos; 03/02/15 12:42 PM.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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He is 10, not 3. Does your child seriously not know the birds and the bees at age 10? Even if he doesn't, a 4 year old can understand "Mommy has a boyfriend, and a married lady is not supposed to have a boyfriend. It hurts Daddy terribly." Your son knows something is wrong. He just doesn't know what, and he may even think he's to blame.
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