X2. even though she's caused this, a WW will judge a man for his complacency. We've seen men drop kick the A and move mountains to win their wives back. The other kind moves into the spare room, offers to arrange the flowers and tries not to annoy her or the lover by breathing too much.

Three guesses which guy always wins.

I'll move mountains. Let's be honest, I have considered some fairly evil outcomes for this jerk off. Thankfully, we're currently on different continents, so I can't get in trouble.
All of this has been very recent, a week and a half, two max. I doubt his wife is aware of anything regarding mine. They may be in their little bubble, but it's long distance at this point. We're still in the emotional affair at best.
But everything else that you guys have been saying makes sense. I'm afraid.
Thank you all for your input so far.

Cheers,
Mac

Mac, if you will get the evidence of the affair, we will help you use it in a strategic, intelligent, controlled manner that will most likely result in the death of the affair. The affairees will be enraged, but you will come out looking like a hero who is only protecting his marriage and his children. [go read my exposure thread to get an idea of how we do this]

You will be effectively putting the OM in his place in a way that will be above board and blameless. We are not into the loose cannon approach, but use a very strategic approach that often gains you support while killing the affair. OM are yellow bellied cowards who typically run at the first sign of trouble. But that only holds true in the early stages of an affair. The longer this goes on, the more entrenched and the harder it is to bust up. I believe you are at an ideal place to bust it up.

Our goal is to save your marriage, not kill it. Most of us have saved our own marriages using these tactics.

Thanks MelodyLane. I've started working on it...nothing to report yet.

As long as you follow the plans I agree with Melody Lane you're in an excellent position to blow up this house of cards.

Her idea of continuing to live with you tells me he is telling her not to expect any commitment from him in the near future

This is common. Everyone in an affair tastes the giddy crack pipe high of polygamy (One person provides for you/looks after the kids leaving a second romantic partner free entirely for fun) but men are built to enjoy polygamy more than women. The male afairee is usually very happy with getting his cake and eating it too.

This would be easy to bust up if you go about it strategically.

And can you ask your doctor for some ADs (antidepressants) while you're going through this? This will help even your moods out why you are snooping and gathering evidence.

How do you know this? Presumably this intimate information came directly from your wife, and indirectly from her OM.

NOTE: People in affairs lie. Their very relationship is based on deceit, so there are NO LINES in the sand when it comes to what they will lie about. From now on, do not believe a word that comes out of your wife's mouth, you cannot trust it.

It is very likely that this is what the OM told your WW. It is also very likely that it is a lie. Do you think he is going to tell her "yes, my wife is great, we have an awesome marriage! I just like cake, lots and lots of cake!" No. He is going to tell her, "the only reason I am contemplating cheating (which, I've NEVER done before mind you), is because *you're so special* and my wife is mean to me and my marriage is hell on earth." He told her this lie to engage her, to make her feel special and feel like she might have a chance.

MAC, unwritten is exactly right. When people have affairs, they typically demonize their spouses and manufacture grievances. It is very likely she is telling him that you abuse her. The "story" to your family will be that "she has been unhappy for years and years." The idea is to set the stage to replace you with the OM by garnering sympathy.

I agree.

Exposing to the OMW was the killer of my wife's affair... very powerful indeed.

Alright. I have a key logger installed on computer. So I now have her email and FB password. Conveniently, everything from or to him was deleted on email. I did a "recover deleted emails" and got a couple emails. They are being careful since the emails didn't have long chains. Nothing more than friendly chit chat, but as two former lovers that are rekindling. In other words, no smoking gun, but their conversation is now fairly familiar for two people who haven't talked in 5 years and started again two weeks ago. They have been sending messages by Facebook and all that I have is him sending her pictures of him with her family from back in the day, them when they dated about 18 years ago, pictures of her, etc. She's asking him for more of those pictures. Saying she loves how big his hand is next to her head, and him replying for her not to get too excited because "the myth isn't true". Then she sent him pictures of herself she just took tonight in the bathroom (fully dressed). In between all that, it's chit chat about what she was doing today, what she's cooking dinner. Saturday night we had another talked and I mentioned him, saying that I'm offended that she's talking to him and she denied there was anything. Told me that my attitude towards him is why she changed her passwords, and that she was entitled to her privacy. I know, tell-tale clues. I backed off. So in today's exchange she told him not to worry about me, that my little outburst discussion (I was a bit emotional) was only me grasping at straws and that I knew that our problems had nothing to do with him. They say "miss you" and "miss u more". I'm now sickened. It's still early in their courtship, but it's clearly that.

What do I do now? I don't have much, I've copied that Facebook message chain. The other emails didn't have much and could go either way (friends being friends or more). Should I contact his wife and ask that she monitor his stuff? Is it too early, she may blow the whole thing up without much evidence and send them underground. Right now, my wife has no idea I can see all of that. I don't want to expose too early, but don't want to let them get too cosy. Again, for those joining in... we're currently overseas, so there won't be able to meet in person until we return home in the summer.

Thanks all again. Yes anti-depressants would be great. That knot in my stomach is really getting tiresome and I doubt I'll fall asleep tonight.

This is clearly an affair. My husband's started the same way as well-skirting the line of decency for a while, but nothing totally over the line until later. The veterans on this site will tell you what to do, but honestly, I would expose. This is too much and too familiar for a married woman. The miss you's and hand comments alone are enough.

My husband was simply saying, "you're a great girl" and said it was nothing and then jumped into bed with her a few weeks later. You know flirting when you see it. This is flirting.

By the way, married people aren't "entitled to privacy." Everything she does affects you and she needs to be totally transparent in a marriage. My brother once told me that he stopped talking to a classmate completely (when he was getting a phd) after one exchange that my sister in-law witnessed when the woman was dropping off papers at their house. My sis in-law basically said, "I didn't like the way she talked to you, please don't be friends with her." And he dropped our of the study group that she was in and never talked to her again. That's how you handle things when your spouse is uncomfortable with an OS friend.

Just chill until you have evidence of an affair. Stop bringing it up. Don't discuss it anymore.

See if you can get some spyware on her phone too.

I completely agree with you PigletWiglet.

MelodyLane- I looked at the phone spy recommended in your exposure site (do you get kick backs?). I was about to install it, but at one point it said that it would send an email to the AppleID email (for her phone), which freaked me out. I thought it could be done without target's knowledge (I have her AppleID and password). I could do when I know she's sleeping and phone off, then hack into her email and delete that email. But I need to make sure she won't get anything else or see any type of alert or display. It seemed clear that it would run in secret...

Very hard to act cool here. I couldn't sleep and got up, checked Facebook and low and behold, she's on Facebook too and not sleeping (well beyond midnight). So now I'm sitting at the computer on her Facebook account reading their chat live. They're skirting the line of decency-- she's good at bringing it back, but he likes to steer the convo back to [censored] and boobs. Every once in a while I copy the transcript and save to my laptop. They're planning to meet for lunch or a drink this summer when she visits her parents (without me since I'll be at my new job). It's clear that she's setting the stage, but she's not getting in deep. As she puts it, she's trying to get reacquainted with him, asking about his job, etc. Every once in a while I just want to run into the room and just yell at her!! In case you didn't get it, we don't sleep in the same room anymore. Doesn't seem like she heard me get up, else I think she would have mentioned it to loverboy, or perhaps would have been freaked out to have me near computer. Apart from planning a meeting in late July, talking about fake boobs (his wife's friends) and her great butt (my wife's), it's been a typical teenage fantasy conversation. It's sickening.

I doubt they'll get any more serious than that stage for a long while. I can monitor for some more time to see if they plan anything else, etc. I know my wife, she won't send him any "nude pics" over the internet, she's not a dirty talker or phone/internet sex kinda girl. So not much will happen until they meet in July. As you've all said before, until then they will just get more reacquainted in their problem-free bubble.

So what do you say, how much longer should I let them chat? Knowing that as soon as I expose, my source runs dry. Unless they're really dumb.

Mac, if you have her Apple ID and password, just use Wondershare Dr. Fone. There won't be any emails sent.

No, I do not get a kickback. I was trying to be helpful. But I did take valuable time from my real job to post to you. My time here is entirely voluntary.

MelodyLane-- I'm sorry, it was a joke, I meant no offence at all. I should have added a smiley face for context.

So their conversation ended, a lot of memory lane stuff. But they ended with "Love you". I'm gutted.

thanks for the clarification!

Sorry you had to read that, but keep doing what you are doing and copying the conversations. In the meantime, go to the OM's Facebook page and copy and paste all his Facebook contacts while you can. Paste them into a text doc for safekeeping. Once things get intense we will help you strategically blow up this affair.