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My wife and i been married almost 4 years, we both been married before. we have 3 kids, things been rough for the last year. Long story short she wanted to get out of the house and then things got worse, and she asked for a sepration. Come to find out she been hanging out with guy from church. So i turned to the church for help and thy put a stop to the friendship.
I found the book "His Needs, Her Needs" the book just made me cry realizing i was not meeting her needs. Right know she just wants to call it quits and wants nothing to do with marrage couching or making are marrage happy and stronger.
I am just heart broken and not sure were to turn.
She beleves she and the kids will be better off in a separation because she will be happy again.
BH 34
D-Day- 6/2015
Married 4 years
DD 11 and 4
DS 1
Plan A+Exposure
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RC,
Your W was, and is in an affair, you cannot make your marriage work when your W is wayward. It was at least an emotional affair and likely a physical affair as well.
You have to have NO CONTACT with the OM and this means your family will have to completely disconnect from the church where this happened, and can no longer be on sports teams or go to school with OMs kids.
Understand that an affair is an addiction just like drug or alcoholism.
What do you know about this OM?
Gamma
Last edited by Gamma; 06/24/15 06:26 PM.
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OM? I am guessing the other guy.
Well not much but his dad and him are in Awana. The paster, elder and his dad confronted him and thy said no contact at all.
I am just not sure what to do, she is getting a job and making plans to move out.
I am just heart broken and i am worried about my kids even though one is my step daughter.
BH 34
D-Day- 6/2015
Married 4 years
DD 11 and 4
DS 1
Plan A+Exposure
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RC,
Has your W ever said to you "I love you but am not in love with you"?
The thing is, that from what you said the affair needle is almost pinned, the sudden change in character, the need to move out, the belief that she is unhappy.
Is the OM, other man, married? Does the OM have a history of cheating with women at his church?
Gamma
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Hi Ron, welcome to Marriage Builders. Did your relationship with her begin as an affair? Has she ever had an affair before?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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No she has not said that, it was a straight cut off no more i love you, if i say i love youi get the cold shoulder and i know. Its almost like she cringes I say I love you.
I almost can even get a hug out of her.
I know i dropped the ball after reading "his needs her needs" i just she would open up and see are marriage is worth saving. She clames 4 years of unhappiness, which i dont believe at all even though its been rocky after the birth of are son 9 months ago.
As for the OM i believe he is single lives his mom.
I keep woundering if i should reach out to his dad and talk to him about whats going on.
I know my wife was ticked that i talked to the church and had no right to dictate who her friends are.
BH 34
D-Day- 6/2015
Married 4 years
DD 11 and 4
DS 1
Plan A+Exposure
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No, we both were single when we meet and she dated a few guys before we got serious. I have a special place in my heart for fatherless children, so i would watch her daughter when she worked. And she played with my younger bothers.
Both of us came from broken familys her parents are devorced and she longer talks to them, well thy dont talk to her.
My bio dad abandoned me and my sister and mom. She remarried cant say he was much better, good provider but was abusive to some of us kids.
I never wanted my kids to feel the efects of divorce. I been crying out to God, but i still feel hopeless.
As for a affair before she has never told me.
BH 34
D-Day- 6/2015
Married 4 years
DD 11 and 4
DS 1
Plan A+Exposure
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From Surviving an Affair, pg 66-67
The extraordinary precautions do more than end marriage-threatening affairs; they help a couple form the kind of relationship they always wanted.
These recommendations may seem rigid, unnecessarily confining, and even paranoid to those who have not been the victim of infidelity. But people like Sue and Jon, who have suffered unimaginable pain as a result of an affair that spun out of control, can easily see their value. For the inconvenience of following my advice, Sue would have spared herself and Jon the very worst experience of their lives.
Checklist for How Affairs Should End
_____The unfaithful spouse should reveal information about the affair to the betrayed spouse.
_____The unfaithful spouse should make a commitment to the betrayed spouse to never see or talk to the lover OP again.
_____The unfaithful spouse should write a letter to the lover OP ending the relationship and send it with the approval of the betrayed spouse.
_____The unfaithful spouse should take extraordinary precautions to guarantee total separation from the lover OP:
_____Block potential communication with the lover OP (change e-mail address and home and cell phone numbers, and close all social networking accounts; have voice messages and mail monitored by the betrayed spouse).
_____Account for time (betrayed spouse and wayward spouse give each other a twenty-four-hour daily schedule with locations and telephone numbers).
_____Account for money (betrayed spouse and wayward spouse give each other a complete account of all money spent).
_____Spend leisure time together.
_____Change jobs and relocate if necessary.
_____Avoid overnight separation.
_____Allow technical accountability.
_____Expose affair to family members, clergy, and/or friends.
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This is well and good but if she is unwilling to talk about and just wants a separation its of no use.
I am just trying to get through to she so we can get to a point od repair, so far she is unwilling to save this marrage. And thinks its in the best intrest of her and the kids to separate.
BH 34
D-Day- 6/2015
Married 4 years
DD 11 and 4
DS 1
Plan A+Exposure
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This is well and good but if she is unwilling to talk about and just wants a separation its of no use.
I am just trying to get through to she so we can get to a point od repair, so far she is unwilling to save this marrage. And thinks its in the best intrest of her and the kids to separate. She and every other WW that has come along. You don't have to try to save your marriage, but if you want to there is a plan here to follow. If you want to follow it, then we need to know what has been done on that checklist and what is left to do. Have you read up on Plan A?
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This is well and good but if she is unwilling to talk about and just wants a separation its of no use.
I am just trying to get through to she so we can get to a point od repair, so far she is unwilling to save this marrage. And thinks its in the best intrest of her and the kids to separate. Ron, the best way to make her willing is to kill her affair. I suspect the affair has just gone further underground and that is why she wants to separate. Exposure will kill her affair and give you a chance to save this.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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_____Expose affair to family members, clergy, and/or friends.
So far i have that part done, the paster, elders and the OM father has said no contact. I been checking all logs and no contact has been made.
I been wounder if i should talk to the OM father, not sure if it will help.
I have changed my work schedule so i can be home in the evening.
I am just not sure how do i go about the rest of the list, she will eather shut me out or have a angry outburst.
Whats plan A?
I know i dont have to save this marrage, but i love her and the kids to much to not go out with a fight.
Do i go as far as making sure the car does not run so she cant go anywere? She been a stay at home mom/homeschool. So far she went out and got a job so she can move out do i put a stop to that too?
BH 34
D-Day- 6/2015
Married 4 years
DD 11 and 4
DS 1
Plan A+Exposure
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Looks like have work to do tonight, exposing more of the affair
BH 34
D-Day- 6/2015
Married 4 years
DD 11 and 4
DS 1
Plan A+Exposure
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_____Expose affair to family members, clergy, and/or friends.
So far i have that part done, the paster, elders and the OM father has said no contact. I been checking all logs and no contact has been made. And what about her family, friends, children, etc? What do you mean you have checked "logs?" There are many, many ways to sneak around to meet with an OM. Do you have spyware on her phone? Does she have a secret cell phone? Do you have GPS on her car? I been wounder if i should talk to the OM father, not sure if it will help. What has he said about the affair to you? Do i go as far as making sure the car does not run so she cant go anywere? She been a stay at home mom/homeschool. So far she went out and got a job so she can move out do i put a stop to that too? No, you can't stop her from leaving and you shouldn't try.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Her mom i have no idea were she is at or how to get ahold of her, her dad does talk.
I have told the 10 year old the 3 and 9month i dont think will get whats going on.
I dont have access to her phone, but i can log into fb and google, so i have seen were she have gone, call and text logs from the cell co. The 10year old keeps me informed what happends in the house.
She has old me nothing of the affair. I have plans to talk to her tonight and see if she will open up.
BH 34
D-Day- 6/2015
Married 4 years
DD 11 and 4
DS 1
Plan A+Exposure
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She has told me nothing of the affair. I have plans to talk to her tonight and see if she will open up. Ron be strategic. Why would you talk to her? She knows very well what she is up to, as do you. Talking to her will just take the affair further underground. A totally unexpected nuclear exposure is by far your best strategy. Do not tip your hand.
3 adult children
Divorced - he was a serial adulterer
Now remarried, thank you MB
(formerly lied_to_again)
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She has told me nothing of the affair. I have plans to talk to her tonight and see if she will open up. Ron be strategic. Why would you talk to her? She knows very well what she is up to, as do you. Talking to her will just take the affair further underground. A totally unexpected nuclear exposure is by far your best strategy. Do not tip your hand. Do i just sit tight? Or what is my next move?
BH 34
D-Day- 6/2015
Married 4 years
DD 11 and 4
DS 1
Plan A+Exposure
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She has told me nothing of the affair. I have plans to talk to her tonight and see if she will open up. Ron be strategic. Why would you talk to her? She knows very well what she is up to, as do you. Talking to her will just take the affair further underground. A totally unexpected nuclear exposure is by far your best strategy. Do not tip your hand. Do i just sit tight? Or what is my next move? I'm not sure where you are on exposure but I did want to pipe in about one thing. You exposed her at church and they made OM break it off with her. That was a awesome smart move. However, your wayward wife now incorrectly thinks if she separates from you (and later divorces you) she can THEN resume the affair. My wife kind of did the same thing after OM dumped her. See...she THINKS the only reason they can't be together is because she's with you/married to you...so in order to get the affair back...she's got to separate. I simply said "no". Your wife is looking for work but she can't afford to move out on her own and hopefully her parents or relatives don't take her in leaving her "stuck" with you. It's OK if she's just stuck. Your affair can over come her anger. It can't overcome and ongoing affair. Right now she's just acting like a crack head who's only dealer disappeared. OM was her crack and she wants it back, but OM is done with her and hopefully he doesn't get wishy washy on her saying "I'll wait for you" or some other bull when trying to end it politely. Once she withdraws from daily contact and starts thinking a bit more clearly (2-4 weeks), she'll calm down and hopefully start to see the foolishness of her ways. Watch for her also to start criticizing OM for being a wimp who is afraid of upsetting his family and church. She'll be offended that his "love" wasn't strong enough or deep enough for him to ignore them like she expected him to. She'll start realize that OM just used her and when the going got tough OM ran (whereas....when the going got tough for you, her husband, you didn't run, you fought for her). It's a distinction she'll realize in time. Godspeed.
FBH(me)-51 FWW-49 (MrsWondering)
DD19 DS 22 Dday-2005-Recovered
"agree to disagree" = Used when one wants to reject the objective reality of the situation and hopefully replace it with their own.
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She has told me nothing of the affair. I have plans to talk to her tonight and see if she will open up. Ron be strategic. Why would you talk to her? She knows very well what she is up to, as do you. Talking to her will just take the affair further underground. A totally unexpected nuclear exposure is by far your best strategy. Do not tip your hand. Do i just sit tight? Or what is my next move? I'm not sure where you are on exposure but I did want to pipe in about one thing. You exposed her at church and they made OM break it off with her. That was a awesome smart move. However, your wayward wife now incorrectly thinks if she separates from you (and later divorces you) she can THEN resume the affair. My wife kind of did the same thing after OM dumped her. See...she THINKS the only reason they can't be together is because she's with you/married to you...so in order to get the affair back...she's got to separate. I simply said "no". Your wife is looking for work but she can't afford to move out on her own and hopefully her parents or relatives don't take her in leaving her "stuck" with you. It's OK if she's just stuck. Your affair can over come her anger. It can't overcome and ongoing affair. Right now she's just acting like a crack head who's only dealer disappeared. OM was her crack and she wants it back, but OM is done with her and hopefully he doesn't get wishy washy on her saying "I'll wait for you" or some other bull when trying to end it politely. Once she withdraws from daily contact and starts thinking a bit more clearly (2-4 weeks), she'll calm down and hopefully start to see the foolishness of her ways. Watch for her also to start criticizing OM for being a wimp who is afraid of upsetting his family and church. She'll be offended that his "love" wasn't strong enough or deep enough for him to ignore them like she expected him to. She'll start realize that OM just used her and when the going got tough OM ran (whereas....when the going got tough for you, her husband, you didn't run, you fought for her). It's a distinction she'll realize in time. Godspeed. Thanks for your words. It was crazy anout the time i started to wounder what was hoing on she was getting short with angry outbursts towards me and the kids, None of it made rational sense. She made more of a deal out of it at church with her yelling,know its my fault the whole church knows whats going in her mind. In a way i am luck i am really slow to anger or get under my skin, i thinks shes been looking for me to lose it so she can point the finger at me. Lets see this sunday will be the 2nd sunday since to fireworks at church. Right know i just want her to sit down and tell whats on her mind and feelings, good or bad. As for any her parents taking her in, well her mom lives out of her car, her dad would have a fit with three kids in his place, and thats if thy even start talking again. So for now she is stuck.
BH 34
D-Day- 6/2015
Married 4 years
DD 11 and 4
DS 1
Plan A+Exposure
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RonClark,
One of the reasons I asked about OMs past is that it may help you break the spell OM has on your WW if you can find out that OM has done this to other women in the past.
Gamma
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RonClark,
One of the reasons I asked about OMs past is that it may help you break the spell OM has on your WW if you can find out that OM has done this to other women in the past.
Gamma Ill call his dad up and see if he will chat with me
BH 34
D-Day- 6/2015
Married 4 years
DD 11 and 4
DS 1
Plan A+Exposure
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Well this early morning I ran across a not book with love letters to the OM and about there future plans of bring together, every funny read might I say since it all read every selfish.
I am calling the OM dad, should I start a fb campaign? Or anything else?
BH 34
D-Day- 6/2015
Married 4 years
DD 11 and 4
DS 1
Plan A+Exposure
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Well this early morning I ran across a not book with love letters to the OM and about there future plans of bring together, every funny read might I say since it all read every selfish.
I am calling the OM dad, should I start a fb campaign? Or anything else? You should read the Exposure 101 thread and follow the instructions on the thread. Not sure what you mean by a Facebook campaign, but it is real important that you expose in a strategic, careful manner so you are not dismissed as a nut. I would take the notebook and make copies of it and keep them in a safe place.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I took copy of the pages last night, tonight I am going to copy all the text messages off her phone since I figured out the pin.
BH 34
D-Day- 6/2015
Married 4 years
DD 11 and 4
DS 1
Plan A+Exposure
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I want to make sure i understand this. On the part about using fb one make a page of my proof. Step two post whats going on on my page. Step three sent pm to all her friends?
I plan to talk to her dad but i only have his email, i am letting the paster know its affair not just innocent friendship like he said. And contact OM parents.
I have told my friends and parents.
Anything i am missing? I know i am pretty level headed but what i read has got me going inside.
It sounds like in two to three months time she wants a devorce And start a life his him, and the kids well she does not care if thy know that she bailed and might have resentment against her.
BH 34
D-Day- 6/2015
Married 4 years
DD 11 and 4
DS 1
Plan A+Exposure
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Ron, does the OM have a Facebook page? You should expose to his Facebook contacts via pm. You can also email or Facebook PM her friends and family. And I would definitely reach out to the OMs dad and your pastor.
How old are your kids? Any child 4 and above should be told.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Ron, does the OM have a Facebook page? You should expose to his Facebook contacts via pm. You can also email or Facebook PM her friends and family. And I would definitely reach out to the OMs dad and your pastor.
How old are your kids? Any child 4 and above should be told. I cant locate OM fb page or email. I have 3 kids, step daughter is 10, daughter is 3 and son thats 9 months. The stepdaughter sees me as her father hers has made no contact with her
BH 34
D-Day- 6/2015
Married 4 years
DD 11 and 4
DS 1
Plan A+Exposure
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FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Can anyone tell me why a church is against exposing a affair and snooping? i got some backlash from the leadership when i talked to the OM father.
can anyone tell me what might be going on in my wife's mind? this Sunday we watched a movie "plans,trains, and automobiles" towards the end of the movie got me really emotional she started to cry and then said i cant deal with this and ran out the door and drive off to the OM place.
BH 34
D-Day- 6/2015
Married 4 years
DD 11 and 4
DS 1
Plan A+Exposure
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That may be a good thing and may mean she is conflicted because in her mind you should be the bad guy and the other one the good guy. If she is having a good time with you, she will feel she is betraying the OM.
You should always ask her please not to go and tell her it is breaking your heart. Don't sob, but tell her in an earnest way.
Last edited by happyheart; 07/07/15 06:40 AM.
me, DH
all the children
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Generally when people are against exposure they have their own skeletons. Churchgoing doesn't protect people from having affairs and covering them up. Exposure within the church does however.
As to her mind set it's basically a whirling vortex of chaos a lot like drunkenness.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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That makes since, I am trying to show her things can be good here.
I talked to the senior pastor last night, he sure layer the guilt trip on me. At least it felt like that for spying on her.
I hate to question the church, but I know not everyone has the right answers.
I guess I'll go it along exposing what's going on.
BH 34
D-Day- 6/2015
Married 4 years
DD 11 and 4
DS 1
Plan A+Exposure
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It all comes down to experience dealing with the issue, I think. My church was behind me 100%. In fact, before I knew there was another person, one of the pastors point blank asked me, "Is there someone else?" I told him I didn't think so. When I found out there was, he said, "There always is."
Remarried 7/16
Thanks MB!
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It is a good question to ask your pastor, why the church would promote lying and the enabling or coverup of a sinful act and crime against you. Why they would ask a victim of a crime to remain silent and secretive about the crime committed against him.
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It's bad publicity for churches when their members are engaged in such immoral activities. If they can keep the dirty laundry under wraps they're going to.
Personally I say expose to the entire world. The truth is never the wrong answer. The truth shall set you free.
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You can also point them to Matthew 18:17 and Ephesians 5:11
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I thank you guys for your help, this been really hard on me. Its sure great to have some support.
I gotten some help from the church, but i still feel its not been enought.
If only she would open up to me and see that change can happen. there is hardly i hour that passes by were i am not talking to God about this problem.
BH 34
D-Day- 6/2015
Married 4 years
DD 11 and 4
DS 1
Plan A+Exposure
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She can't do that - drunk brain remember!
The only thing that works is the affair ending.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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If only she would open up to me and see that change can happen. Ron, this is normal. Almost everybody here who saved their marriage started with a spouse who did not believe that the marriage could be saved. Her feelings will change after the affair dies and no contact is established, and after you have made enough love bank deposits to change her feelings toward you. Be sure to expose this affair to everyone who counts, especially your children. Exposure speeds up whatever is going to happen. Be sure also to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, daily. You need to learn everything you can about Marriage Builders in order to use its tools effectively and save your marriage. Don't wait for your wife to decide change is possible. Start now.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Ahh, my wife just texted me and want to give permision to let her phone and tablet off my plan. I fell like i am in a losing battle.
BH 34
D-Day- 6/2015
Married 4 years
DD 11 and 4
DS 1
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Its hard to feel like everything i do is in vain. I have told my family, elders in the church, her family i cant get ahold of off, told the OM father, my friends, i am woundering if i should tell the head lady at a church food bank she is close too were she volunteers.
BH 34
D-Day- 6/2015
Married 4 years
DD 11 and 4
DS 1
Plan A+Exposure
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**EDIT**
Last edited by Denali; 07/07/15 03:57 PM. Reason: TOS non MB advice
I am going out of town for work.
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Please read my message I posted on this page.
Last edited by WonderingHow; 07/07/15 03:05 PM.
I am going out of town for work.
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She has a relationship outside of are marrage. I dont have many friends and most are older and married.
As far as i can tell between her and the OM its been talking and holding each other. I dont thing its gone beyond that, but she has put it out there that he can take advantage of her.
I been trying to keep things a person to person talk, she been trying to do it all by texts and been deflecting with can we talk about together.
BH 34
D-Day- 6/2015
Married 4 years
DD 11 and 4
DS 1
Plan A+Exposure
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Ron, your pastor is naive about how to end an affair. Exposure was absolutely the way to go, and still is. Sometimes good people fall back on concepts of respecting their cheating spouse's privacy and they don't want to snoop. You did well finding your wife's notebook and following the advice here to make a copy of it.
You also did well with your exposure and if more targets pop up, should continue with exposure.
Nobody has mentioned this yet: Do not tell your wife about this website. It is your secret weapon.
Belle, Domestic Goddess
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Last night i talked to the head lady at the food bank she volunteers at and is pretty clost to my wife.
Today i finally heard back from my her dad, so i'll call him tonight.
When should i sit down with her and tell her what i know and when should i put on FB
Yep i made copies of everything i found, all the letters and text messages.
Right know i am trying to spend as much time with her and the kids, and make breakfast and coffee. And get the kids going. Since she working at night i try to make sure the apt is clean and picked up.
No i have not told her about this website or forum.
BH 34
D-Day- 6/2015
Married 4 years
DD 11 and 4
DS 1
Plan A+Exposure
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I cant believe it on her FB she posted with a reposted photo "lol...Oh how i miss you my love!!"
Getting more careless i guess
BH 34
D-Day- 6/2015
Married 4 years
DD 11 and 4
DS 1
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I have to thank you all, i been reading other people posts and listening the MB radio.
I was starting to feel depressed and running into walls, but know i feel encouraged seeing how others worse off than me have brought there marriages back together.
I pray Ill be one of those happy stories too, I cant help but get emotional right now.
night
BH 34
D-Day- 6/2015
Married 4 years
DD 11 and 4
DS 1
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See your doctor for anti depressants.
You don't have to discuss exposure at all.
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Wow, i am going to be on MB Radio. Joyce Harley said thy will call on monday the 13. How long does it take before it airs? Are anti depressants really necessary? See your doctor for anti depressants.
You don't have to discuss exposure at all.
BH 34
D-Day- 6/2015
Married 4 years
DD 11 and 4
DS 1
Plan A+Exposure
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That afternoon.
Yes, ADs are a great tool to get you through this time.
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You said you are depressed. ADs can help you be more resilient while you Plan A.
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Yes, but depression is nothing thats sticks around long.
For me everyday is a new day and the negative feelings today dont really follow into the next day.
Praying and keeping God in the for front is what keeps my spirits up and and strength for the next day.
Its one day at a time.
BH 34
D-Day- 6/2015
Married 4 years
DD 11 and 4
DS 1
Plan A+Exposure
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You have not drug your feet the way many of the failed MBers did (I was guilty of not exposing). Some Betrayed's need 2 x 4s over the heads before they take that step. Good luck! Your kids will be so much better off because you are fighting for their family.
Belle, Domestic Goddess
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what do i need to do to get this OM from seeing my wife? she left this evening and it looks from tracking the phone she is on a walk with him. i have talked to his father and the OM keeps telling him nothings going on. I really need to break them up for good.
The Church has proven to be worthless on this matter.
BH 34
D-Day- 6/2015
Married 4 years
DD 11 and 4
DS 1
Plan A+Exposure
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FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Ok them, tomorrow I am paying a visit to the OM and tell him I care about my wife and to leave her alone. And I know about there affair.
this will be intresting, oh I am taking my brother as a witnesses just incase.
BH 34
D-Day- 6/2015
Married 4 years
DD 11 and 4
DS 1
Plan A+Exposure
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Ok them, tomorrow I am paying a visit to the OM and tell him I care about my wife and to leave her alone. And I know about there affair.
this will be intresting, oh I am taking my brother as a witnesses just incase. While you are speaking to him, keep in perspective that you are talking to a cockroach. Treat him like one.
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Well my brother and I dropped by the OM place I talked to him and his mother. Thy both agreed no contact with the OM.
the OM did not say much. He keeped looking at the ground and fiddling with his fingers.
A intresting contact. I wondered if it will make a difference.
Last edited by RonClark; 07/11/15 07:23 PM.
BH 34
D-Day- 6/2015
Married 4 years
DD 11 and 4
DS 1
Plan A+Exposure
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Well my brother and I dropped by the OM place I talked to him and his mother. Thy both agreed no contact with the OM.
the OM did not say much. He keeped looking at the ground and fiddling with his fingers.
A intresting contact. I wondered if it will make a difference. Good job. Yes most OM's are weasels.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Not sure why, but I sure had a lot of adrenaline pumping which made me shaky.
I sure hope my visit made a difference.
when should I confront my wife with what I know and how can i get her off this divorce track from this point.
BH 34
D-Day- 6/2015
Married 4 years
DD 11 and 4
DS 1
Plan A+Exposure
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Has anyone, who you exposed to, put any pressure on her?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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So far no one really, the ladies from the food bank will see her Tuesday and Thursday. She going to talk to her.
she does not have many close friends.
BH 34
D-Day- 6/2015
Married 4 years
DD 11 and 4
DS 1
Plan A+Exposure
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Well, tonight my wife said she need to talk a walk. She was on the phone for 36 mins with the OM and came backed pissed.
it looks the the OM did not take my advice to leave her alone.
BH 34
D-Day- 6/2015
Married 4 years
DD 11 and 4
DS 1
Plan A+Exposure
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It looks like she want to run right now, i guess its time for legal counsel
BH 34
D-Day- 6/2015
Married 4 years
DD 11 and 4
DS 1
Plan A+Exposure
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I talked to the OM mom and it really looks like showing up did help. She was there when my wife called and even talked to her about it. And made it clear to her that thy would call me if she did show up. She even told me the OM said if she can do this to her husband, i cant trust her not to do it to me. Good news i hope  Thanks for letting me vent here.
BH 34
D-Day- 6/2015
Married 4 years
DD 11 and 4
DS 1
Plan A+Exposure
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You don't know what was in the conversation. He could have told her the whole thing is too much trouble and bother and that he wants out. She's angry that you are messing with fixes for her addiction. Drug addicts do that when enablers stop helping them stay addicted. She is an affair addict.
If she's going to run, do not allow her to take the children. The children stay in their home. With you. And you do not leave the home, no matter what.
In case nobody has mentioned this, keep a VAR (voice activated recorder) on you at all times. Don't let her make any false charges that you are violent or abusive. I think you're a darn smart cookie and a brave man.
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I posted before reading this. Told you so! Nice work.
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True, but this was coming from his mother. And his mother even talked to my wife before she hung up on the OM mother.
BH 34
D-Day- 6/2015
Married 4 years
DD 11 and 4
DS 1
Plan A+Exposure
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Well it seems she is getting depressed. I offer to help with things and I get I don't want your help.
I hope she will come around and not follow through with the divorce.
BH 34
D-Day- 6/2015
Married 4 years
DD 11 and 4
DS 1
Plan A+Exposure
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How can i find todays show? I want to save my call in.
BH 34
D-Day- 6/2015
Married 4 years
DD 11 and 4
DS 1
Plan A+Exposure
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Well it looks like the OM is still talking. Whats my next step?
BH 34
D-Day- 6/2015
Married 4 years
DD 11 and 4
DS 1
Plan A+Exposure
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The OM is feeling the heat from your exposure of the affair. You might be in for a long war to win your WW back. You've read about Plan A, right? Your exposure is an important part of Plan A.
The other important part is making yourself the attractive guy to your wife. Don't try to teach her about why her affair is wrong. She knows it's wrong. She doesn't care. Addicts just want their fix. They don't care what they do to family, how it affects their jobs, nothing.
You will be a broken record. "I love you and I'm standing for our marriage. Care for some iced tea?"
That sort of thing.
It's not over. Your Plan A is working! Good for your family.
Belle, Domestic Goddess
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Should I have an another talk with the OM? Or should I let it just sit for now?
I really don't a divorce fight.
I guess the good news I'd the text messages are only sweet one way.
he's just leaving short messages mostly with smiley faces.
Oh, Doctor Harley said to say I care for you instead of I love you.
BH 34
D-Day- 6/2015
Married 4 years
DD 11 and 4
DS 1
Plan A+Exposure
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About another visit to the OM, why not? It worked well last time, when your brother came with you. Can you control yourself and not be threatening or violent? Like the strong way you did last time?
You're making things unpleasant for them. OM's mother doesn't like what he's doing. Your wife and he may be texting, but things are not as exciting for them as before, when reality hit. They don't have the Love of the Ages, where things get better all the time. They have a dirty little affair, and exposure (like Melody Lane says) is like turning the light on in the kitchen and seeing the cockroaches scatter.
I forget, have you posted OM on cheaterville.com? That's a good tactic, causes more trouble in affair land.
Belle, Domestic Goddess
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Should I have an another talk with the OM? Or should I let it just sit for now?
I really don't a divorce fight.
I guess the good news I'd the text messages are only sweet one way.
he's just leaving short messages mostly with smiley faces.
Oh, Doctor Harley said to say I care for you instead of I love you. Your wife will go back and forth between you and OM. As I the case with Sue in Surviving an Affair book, their affair will not die and recovery cannot start until it dies a natural death.
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I forget, have you posted OM on cheaterville.com? That's a good tactic, causes more trouble in affair land. Cheaterville is temporarily down. You can post OM on www.playerblock.com
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I have thought about posting on sites like that, what are the legal ramifications?
I don't want to jeopardize my kids when it comes down to a divorce.
BH 34
D-Day- 6/2015
Married 4 years
DD 11 and 4
DS 1
Plan A+Exposure
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Do you think he is losing intresting since he's no longer sending sweet messages back, it's been more how are you and emoticons.
BH 34
D-Day- 6/2015
Married 4 years
DD 11 and 4
DS 1
Plan A+Exposure
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I have thought about posting on sites like that, what are the legal ramifications?
I don't want to jeopardize my kids when it comes down to a divorce. It's not illegal to tell the truth. These sites additionally have their own lawyers who have successfully defeated a bunch of claims to the contrary. As the publisher they take the brunt of the legal responsibility. You have some too. It doesn't have anything to do with your kids. It's a defamation consideration and if you have proof and are telling the truth it's not libel.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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Do you think he is losing intresting since he's no longer sending sweet messages back, it's been more how are you and emoticons. Recovery cannot begin until no contact is established. Boyfriends and their married girlfriends sometimes have problems and then get back together.
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Tonight was intresting, she took the neighbors car to visit the OM.
Amazing what lengths she will go to see him
BH 34
D-Day- 6/2015
Married 4 years
DD 11 and 4
DS 1
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I forget, have you posted OM on cheaterville.com? That's a good tactic, causes more trouble in affair land. Cheaterville is temporarily down. You can post OM on www.playerblock.comPlayerblock is easy to get taken down for $100 bucks. Post on cheaterreport.com or shesahomewrecker ( you can post men as well). They are very difficult to get taken down.
Me: 38, have been divorced for 4 years
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FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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You know i dont quite understand how my wife can just dump the kids on my and run away to the OM.
And i am really conserned with my wife angery out bursts with our 10 year old daughter, and and threatening to slap her around if she will not listen and being more respectful.
The 10 year old is getting tired of the way her mother treats her and feeling neglected and mommy does not care how she feels.
I been trying to get our daughter to talk to me about it, so far most of the time i get i am ok, its the mommy is and ill deal with it.
It really pains me to see this happen.
BH 34
D-Day- 6/2015
Married 4 years
DD 11 and 4
DS 1
Plan A+Exposure
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You know i dont quite understand how my wife can just dump the kids on my and run away to the OM.
And i am really conserned with my wife angery out bursts with our 10 year old daughter, and and threatening to slap her around if she will not listen and being more respectful.
The 10 year old is getting tired of the way her mother treats her and feeling neglected and mommy does not care how she feels.
I been trying to get our daughter to talk to me about it, so far most of the time i get i am ok, its the mommy is and ill deal with it.
It really pains me to see this happen. My ex wife did the same thing to my daughter during her affair.
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Tonight was intresting, she took the neighbors car to visit the OM.
Amazing what lengths she will go to see him Do the neighbors know she is visiting her boyfriend?
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I doubt it, she's still keeping a secret and not really even admitting to me that's not affair.
BH 34
D-Day- 6/2015
Married 4 years
DD 11 and 4
DS 1
Plan A+Exposure
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I feel so bad for her, she my be my step daughter. But in my mind I love as my own and it really hurts. She does not treat the 3 year old or 10 month old that way. It'seems as if she flips a switch between her and her other kids.
What you do dealing with this?
Last edited by RonClark; 07/17/15 12:58 PM.
BH 34
D-Day- 6/2015
Married 4 years
DD 11 and 4
DS 1
Plan A+Exposure
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FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Posts: 251
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BH 34
D-Day- 6/2015
Married 4 years
DD 11 and 4
DS 1
Plan A+Exposure
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FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Ron Clark, Tell the neighbors whose car she is borrowing. That's part of Plan A. Use your leverage.
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The 10 year old is more aware of things than the 3 year old and the 10 month old. Your wife doesn't want to be judged. Even if the little girl isn't confronting her about the affair, your wife is afraid of what her daughter is thinking about her. She sees a look on the child's face, and even if it's not about her and her affair, she jumps to conclude that the child doesn't like her actions.
Your stepdaughter could be wondering where her Barbie dolls are, or she could be thinking about getting an extra hour of TV time that night, and your wife could interpret her expression as "Wonder if Mommy is kissing her boyfriend today?"
Does your stepdaughter know anything at all about this whole mess? (I forgot if you've told her, or if the child has overheard any discussions between you and your wife.)
Belle, Domestic Goddess
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The 10 year old is more aware of things than the 3 year old and the 10 month old. Your wife doesn't want to be judged. Even if the little girl isn't confronting her about the affair, your wife is afraid of what her daughter is thinking about her. She sees a look on the child's face, and even if it's not about her and her affair, she jumps to conclude that the child doesn't like her actions.
Your stepdaughter could be wondering where her Barbie dolls are, or she could be thinking about getting an extra hour of TV time that night, and your wife could interpret her expression as "Wonder if Mommy is kissing her boyfriend today?"
Does your stepdaughter know anything at all about this whole mess? (I forgot if you've told her, or if the child has overheard any discussions between you and your wife.) Oh the 10year knows, she even seen them share a drink together. When her mom was asking the 10 year old how she liked the OM and parents, she came to me and said mommy asked me some strange questions. And I expanded why she was asking her those questions.
BH 34
D-Day- 6/2015
Married 4 years
DD 11 and 4
DS 1
Plan A+Exposure
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Well my wife got the self help divorce paper work today. It's intresting she going to file in another county to avoid parenting classes. And looking over the paper work it looks like she was full custody of the kids and the tax credit. I keep my money and depth and she keeps her money and depth.
I am am pretty sure going to the next county can't be done, since we are both in the same county.
Shes got a intresting thought process.
Oh, the texts are getting more sexual in nature between her and the OM.
BH 34
D-Day- 6/2015
Married 4 years
DD 11 and 4
DS 1
Plan A+Exposure
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Are you going to pay another visit to the POSOM?
LTL
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Are you going to pay another visit to the POSOM?
LTL I was thinking about it, will it do any good. He's liking to everyone nothing is going on, but in text messages thy are expressing there love, and she writes back how she wants to make love to him. It seems to me unless reality hits it's nothing will happen
BH 34
D-Day- 6/2015
Married 4 years
DD 11 and 4
DS 1
Plan A+Exposure
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It may take awhile but if you keep up with Plan A, and if you are patient, you can kill the affair.
Did you tell the neighbors that your wife was using their borrowed car to visit the POSOM? [Piece of Sh.. Other Man]
Belle, Domestic Goddess
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My 10 year old daughter told me yesterday that her mom talked to her, saying she had divorce her dad because she married the wrong person, and the OM is just a friend.
In her messages to the OM she is trying to get his ring size. And know there spending hours on the phone over weekend.
Funny thing she said was to him "I wish I was with you, I want to know what it feels like to be with a real man....:-*"
She must be deep in the fog........
BH 34
D-Day- 6/2015
Married 4 years
DD 11 and 4
DS 1
Plan A+Exposure
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Well my wife got the self help divorce paper work today. It's intresting she going to file in another county to avoid parenting classes. And looking over the paper work it looks like she was full custody of the kids and the tax credit. I keep my money and depth and she keeps her money and depth.
I am am pretty sure going to the next county can't be done, since we are both in the same county.
Shes got a intresting thought process.
Oh, the texts are getting more sexual in nature between her and the OM. At this point, I think you should email Dr. Harley for guidance. The purpose of Plan A is to win your wife back and Dr. Harley encourages men to plan A for 6 months to 2 years while they wait for the wife to end her affair. However, since she is actually filling out divorce legal paperwork I think you should contact an attorney and file for divorce and custody. You need to be extremely careful and ensure that any assets are protected. So I suggest you email Dr. Harley something like this: Dear Dr. Harley, My wife and I have ___ children and have been married for ___ years. I have been able to determine that she has been carying on an affair for ___ months. I have exposed the affair and confronted the OM, who lives with his mother. At this time, my wife refuses to end the affair and recently received a Do-It-Yourself Divorce Kit in the mail and states she intends to file for divorce. What do you recommend? Should I contact an attorney and file for divorce first? Or should I just focus on continuing in Plan A?
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Well my wife got the self help divorce paper work today. It's intresting she going to file in another county to avoid parenting classes. And looking over the paper work it looks like she was full custody of the kids and the tax credit. I keep my money and depth and she keeps her money and depth.
I am am pretty sure going to the next county can't be done, since we are both in the same county.
Shes got a intresting thought process.
Oh, the texts are getting more sexual in nature between her and the OM. At this point, I think you should email Dr. Harley for guidance. The purpose of Plan A is to win your wife back and Dr. Harley encourages men to plan A for 6 months to 2 years while they wait for the wife to end her affair. However, since she is actually filling out divorce legal paperwork I think you should contact an attorney and file for divorce and custody. You need to be extremely careful and ensure that any assets are protected. So I suggest you email Dr. Harley something like this: Dear Dr. Harley, My wife and I have ___ children and have been married for ___ years. I have been able to determine that she has been carying on an affair for ___ months. I have exposed the affair and confronted the OM, who lives with his mother. At this time, my wife refuses to end the affair and recently received a Do-It-Yourself Divorce Kit in the mail and states she intends to file for divorce. What do you recommend? Should I contact an attorney and file for divorce first? Or should I just focus on continuing in Plan A? I been in contact with a lawyer and told him what I am trying to repair the marriage. I guess luck for me she is filing in the wrong county, so we are using that to by time and have it thrown out. Then she has to start over in the right county. He said I'll be ok when she refills in the right county.
BH 34
D-Day- 6/2015
Married 4 years
DD 11 and 4
DS 1
Plan A+Exposure
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I made a intresting discover tonight going though her filing cabinet looking for some stuff.
I did not know I am her 3rd marriage. The first one lasted just over a year, the second marrage that I know about lasted about 3 and know mine at just shy of 4 years.
Good thing I was sitting, I would have fallen over when I saw that.
BH 34
D-Day- 6/2015
Married 4 years
DD 11 and 4
DS 1
Plan A+Exposure
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Well more news, last night my wife got home at 5 am, work is over at 2 am or so.
bassed on what the texts messages last night things got physical between them.
More sad, sad news.
It's only by the grace of God I am still not flying off the handle over all of this.
I am still holding out hope and God's help there is still a chance to repair the marrage.
BH 34
D-Day- 6/2015
Married 4 years
DD 11 and 4
DS 1
Plan A+Exposure
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Boy did a get a earfull this afternoon, my wife was yelling at me for telling the kids about the divorce and she wanted to stop. She will still not admit to the affair and the 10 year is fully aware to that is going on.
BH 34
D-Day- 6/2015
Married 4 years
DD 11 and 4
DS 1
Plan A+Exposure
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I don't know whether you told the neighbors who lent your wife the car about her affair with the POSOM. Remember, Plan A. Exposure. It's like Raid on bugs
I guess you might need to find an attorney and file first to protect yourself and the children.
I don't know whether you could file for custody of the 10 year old. I hope so. You are the safest parent for her, though not her bio-dad.
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I don't know whether you told the neighbors who lent your wife the car about her affair with the POSOM. Remember, Plan A. Exposure. It's like Raid on bugs
I guess you might need to find an attorney and file first to protect yourself and the children.
I don't know whether you could file for custody of the 10 year old. I hope so. You are the safest parent for her, though not her bio-dad. Well the 10year old told her before I could. Thy are talking about a longterm relationship now and how there felling are getting stronger, so far what I have done seems to have no effect. Other than she keeps complaining to him that I am making it hard on her. at what point will things turn and what else should I do?
BH 34
D-Day- 6/2015
Married 4 years
DD 11 and 4
DS 1
Plan A+Exposure
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I have email Doctor Harley and it's been a few days and no reply.
What I would not give to have my wife in my arms again. I just will not give up, I can't give up, even though it hurts so bad.
BH 34
D-Day- 6/2015
Married 4 years
DD 11 and 4
DS 1
Plan A+Exposure
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If you don't hear back from them soon, Notify the MODS and they can relay the message to him.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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So they are talking about the future. Doesn't mean there will be a happily ever after for them.
Reality will hit. Stay strong. You are in Plan A. If your wife moves out, there is always Plan B. [Read up on it when you have time.] Plan A includes exposure - you have followed that. Plan B will include a love letter to your wife. You should read up on sample Plan B letters and draft one to post here. After you fix the love letter and road map back to the marriage with the help of the veterans here, you cut off all contact with your wife. But, Plan B is for later, in case your wife moves out to be with the POSOM.
Continue making yourself the attractive alternative for when Stupid POSOM starts screwing up. Which he will.
POSOM may already be wondering what the heck he is doing with a married woman with a lot of baggage and a persistent husband/father of three. He could be thinking "How do I let this woman down easy and go on with my life?"
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So they are talking about the future. Doesn't mean there will be a happily ever after for them.
Reality will hit. Stay strong. You are in Plan A. If your wife moves out, there is always Plan B. [Read up on it when you have time.] Plan A includes exposure - you have followed that. Plan B will include a love letter to your wife. You should read up on sample Plan B letters and draft one to post here. After you fix the love letter and road map back to the marriage with the help of the veterans here, you cut off all contact with your wife. But, Plan B is for later, in case your wife moves out to be with the POSOM.
Continue making yourself the attractive alternative for when Stupid POSOM starts screwing up. Which he will.
POSOM may already be wondering what the heck he is doing with a married woman with a lot of baggage and a persistent husband/father of three. He could be thinking "How do I let this woman down easy and go on with my life?" I don't think he's there yet, he has invited to a event. But she has to show up like she was going there herself and happen to run I to him. Oh I guess he got him self a job too. I guess I feel helpless, since what I have done on the serface has does not semester to stop them.
BH 34
D-Day- 6/2015
Married 4 years
DD 11 and 4
DS 1
Plan A+Exposure
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Have you emailed the Harleys?
Don't give in to feeling hopeless. You don't know how your actions are affecting the happy couple. It can take time for the exposure and your Plan A to do its work.
He doesn't love your kids they way you do. They will become an irritant in time. They won't seem so adorable and cute to him when they tantrum, make incessant demands, insist on getting up early and making noise, all the things our kids do in life. They cost money too. Money that could be better spent on self-indulgence. Kids are a lot of work. Parents sacrifice willingly. Strangers (Other Men, Other Women) - not so willingly.
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Have you emailed the Harleys?
Don't give in to feeling hopeless. You don't know how your actions are affecting the happy couple. It can take time for the exposure and your Plan A to do its work.
He doesn't love your kids they way you do. They will become an irritant in time. They won't seem so adorable and cute to him when they tantrum, make incessant demands, insist on getting up early and making noise, all the things our kids do in life. They cost money too. Money that could be better spent on self-indulgence. Kids are a lot of work. Parents sacrifice willingly. Strangers (Other Men, Other Women) - not so willingly. I have sent a email in to follow up from the radio show. I have not heard anything yet. True, it would be nice to see things move faster in the right direction. You know I been asked from the pastor at church what I would like see them do since I feel like thy not been doing much. Right off hand I could not think of more than keep the OM accountable. Any other ideas? I get the feeling thy don't like me talking. I am trying my best to hang in there, know my wife desided she is going to sleep on the couch. So it's abit more lonely at night.
BH 34
D-Day- 6/2015
Married 4 years
DD 11 and 4
DS 1
Plan A+Exposure
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Please clarify. "They" don't like you talking. Does this mean your wife and the POSOM don't like you talking?
If so, talking about their affair?
Or is there someone else who doesn't like your talking? The pastor, or neighbors, ???
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Please clarify. "They" don't like you talking. Does this mean your wife and the POSOM don't like you talking?
If so, talking about their affair?
Or is there someone else who doesn't like your talking? The pastor, or neighbors, ??? Oh sorry, late nights and using my phone does not always work well posting to a forum. I get the feeking the pastor's don't like me going around and talking about, but then I also said it feels like thy have not been doing much to help me out.
BH 34
D-Day- 6/2015
Married 4 years
DD 11 and 4
DS 1
Plan A+Exposure
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Tell th pastor to read First Corinthians for his answer on what the church should do to someone living in sin.
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OK Thanks. The pastor doesn't know about MarriageBuilders and Plan A and the benefits of Exposure to killing the affair. Are you asking the people in your church who you are talking to for their help to persuade your wife to end her affair? If you aren't doing that specifically, add that to your talks with those you talk to. "Can you please help me persuade my wife to end her affair with OM and let me work on our marriage?"
Some waywards try to introduce their affair partner to people in their lives after the breakup as New People. If you have exposed far and wide, your wife won't be able to do that.
Oh, and had you meant that your wife and the POSOM didn't like you talking about their affair, that would be wonderful! They are supposed to hate exposure. I hope they do hate it! Their breakup is the best thing for your marriage AND your kids.
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OK Thanks. The pastor doesn't know about MarriageBuilders and Plan A and the benefits of Exposure to killing the affair. Are you asking the people in your church who you are talking to for their help to persuade your wife to end her affair? If you aren't doing that specifically, add that to your talks with those you talk to. "Can you please help me persuade my wife to end her affair with OM and let me work on our marriage?"
Some waywards try to introduce their affair partner to people in their lives after the breakup as New People. If you have exposed far and wide, your wife won't be able to do that.
Oh, and had you meant that your wife and the POSOM didn't like you talking about their affair, that would be wonderful! They are supposed to hate exposure. I hope they do hate it! Their breakup is the best thing for your marriage AND your kids. I am not sure about POSOM, but my wife sure hates i keep exposing the affair. Even know she is so far in the fog she believes its Gods will thy be together that anything that gets in the way makes her mad and not really slow her down. I keep woundering how far she will go, i almost feel its going to be crash a burn. I am worry about the kids, since she does not seem to want the responsibly of the kids. She keeps finding ways to escape.
BH 34
D-Day- 6/2015
Married 4 years
DD 11 and 4
DS 1
Plan A+Exposure
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OK Thanks. The pastor doesn't know about MarriageBuilders and Plan A and the benefits of Exposure to killing the affair. Are you asking the people in your church who you are talking to for their help to persuade your wife to end her affair? If you aren't doing that specifically, add that to your talks with those you talk to. "Can you please help me persuade my wife to end her affair with OM and let me work on our marriage?"
Some waywards try to introduce their affair partner to people in their lives after the breakup as New People. If you have exposed far and wide, your wife won't be able to do that.
Oh, and had you meant that your wife and the POSOM didn't like you talking about their affair, that would be wonderful! They are supposed to hate exposure. I hope they do hate it! Their breakup is the best thing for your marriage AND your kids. 2000 years ago, the Church of Corinth was unfamiliar with Dr. Harley and Marriage Builders also. They did not have access to the internet due to poor infrastructure. Fortunately, they did have Paul the Apostle and when he learned that a member of the Church was engaging in sexual sins with his mother in law, he wrote and demanded they throw the man out of the Church. In this case, if the Pastor of the Church doesn't know what to do or needs to read a website for advice on how to treat a member that is engaging in adultery i see little benefit of continued exposure to the Pastor. This is basic Church Rules and the Bible and even today in remote areas of Africa where they have not heard of Dr. Harley churches can read the bible and know what sin is and how to deal with it. i would assume this OM is a member of a liberal Church. Exposure usually isn't very effective with them.
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I am not sure about POSOM, but my wife sure hates i keep exposing the affair. What do you mean keep exposing the affair? Exposure is usually done in 24 hours and not mentioned again. She will keep bringing it up, but don't engage with her.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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Ron, that's what I wanted to know. Your wife doesn't like it. That means exposure was effective. Waywards want to sail through their affairs without anyone looking crosseyed at them. Some of them, like your wife, even try to bring G-d into it. They try to make something evil and destructive into a holy predestined thing approved of by G-d. You're doing just fine!
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Interesting information about St. Paul. NT isn't my area of interest. Good to bring to your pastor, Ron Clark!
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I am not sure about POSOM, but my wife sure hates i keep exposing the affair. What do you mean keep exposing the affair? Exposure is usually done in 24 hours and not mentioned again. She will keep bringing it up, but don't engage with her. Sorry poor choice of words, i should have said it makes her mad that everywere she goes someone know about her filling for divorce and the affair. This might be good news, the pasters,his step mom,and his dad had a meeting and had a long talk with the OM. The pastor so far keeping him accountable and there has been no contact between the OM and my wife as far as i can tell. When talking to the pastor i asked if he would talk to the OM about writing a letter to state he has no intrested now or in the future in my wife. That the pastor and i approve of. Not sure if it will help, but its worth a shot i figured bassed on what Doc, Harley said about a wayward spouse. Right know my wife wants little to do with me and is still heading for divorce. I am hoping she will come around, i keep praying all day. I loved Jedi Knight explanation of first of the church of Corinth. I got a much needed laught, but point well taken. Oh, i have not seen my book from Doc, Harley yet. How long does it normal take to receive it?
BH 34
D-Day- 6/2015
Married 4 years
DD 11 and 4
DS 1
Plan A+Exposure
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Her being mad about being exposed is normal, the social awkwardness that bothers her is precisely the intended result of exposure. It's accountability for her actions that she hadn't been dealing with before and it will help persuade her to stop in ways that you can't right now because she is withdrawn from you.
VERY good that the church is stepping up and getting involved with applying pressure to the affair.
Keep up Plan A, this is the toughest part of this process. Now that you've exposed you've got to work on creating a contrast between life with you and life with OM, and you've already made life with OM much less attractive than it was before exposure.
Now you need to make sure life with you looks really good. Divorce paperwork is not the same as a finalized divorce, and while I know it must be very discouraging, it's just the beginning of a process that is not at all a quick one. You still have time here.
Happily remarried to wonderful woman who I found using the guidelines in "Buyers, Renters, Freeloaders" 2 baby boys, working on #3 and couldn't ask for anything more. When my ex's affair happened: BH 28, Ex-WW:29 Married: 7 years Together: 8 years D-day: 10/5/2014 D filed: 1/22/2015 D Final: 6/4/2015 My story
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I think the hardest thing right now, is her seething anger toward me. And always talking ro me and the 10year old in anger
BH 34
D-Day- 6/2015
Married 4 years
DD 11 and 4
DS 1
Plan A+Exposure
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Her being mad about being exposed is normal, the social awkwardness that bothers her is precisely the intended result of exposure. It's accountability for her actions that she hadn't been dealing with before and it will help persuade her to stop in ways that you can't right now because she is withdrawn from you.
VERY good that the church is stepping up and getting involved with applying pressure to the affair.
Keep up Plan A, this is the toughest part of this process. Now that you've exposed you've got to work on creating a contrast between life with you and life with OM, and you've already made life with OM much less attractive than it was before exposure.
Now you need to make sure life with you looks really good. Divorce paperwork is not the same as a finalized divorce, and while I know it must be very discouraging, it's just the beginning of a process that is not at all a quick one. You still have time here. What can I do to make life with me look really good? Listening to Doc Harley today it seems it's almost impossible to make love bank deposits when a woman is not emotional connected to the man. It's hard to not feel like it's a impossible up hill climb.
BH 34
D-Day- 6/2015
Married 4 years
DD 11 and 4
DS 1
Plan A+Exposure
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Good question, Ron Clark.
Begin by taking care of yourself. If you have been casual about grooming, step it up! Always look and smell good. If you've acted like a Sad Sack, act confident and cheerful. Like your life is really good. Droopy people are not as interesting or attractive as confident, happy positive people. Continue being an excellent Dad to your children.
Schedule trips to the park with all the kids and strengthen your bonds with them. Oh, and Document. Start a hand-written journal. Write down all the time you have the children. Write down all her visits with the children. If they disclose things about the visits, the OM, and whether your wife has farmed them out to other people while she has them, be sure to include all of that in the journal. [Which you will keep carefully tucked away where the kids aren't likely to pull it out and play with it. Kids are buggers about finding our hidden stashes of adult goodies.]
If your wife doesn't come out of the fog, you will have ammo for a custody battle. You are the better parent, and your number one job is to protect the children.
AND DO NOT FLIRT OR DATE. YOU ARE STILL MARRIED. You are the total package. Your fidelity and excellent parenting are very very attractive to a lot of women. Even if you think the marriage is kaput, don't even think about it! An affair or opposite sex friendship will be bad for your children.
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Good question, Ron Clark.
Begin by taking care of yourself. If you have been casual about grooming, step it up! Always look and smell good. If you've acted like a Sad Sack, act confident and cheerful. Like your life is really good. Droopy people are not as interesting or attractive as confident, happy positive people. Continue being an excellent Dad to your children.
Schedule trips to the park with all the kids and strengthen your bonds with them. Oh, and Document. Start a hand-written journal. Write down all the time you have the children. Write down all her visits with the children. If they disclose things about the visits, the OM, and whether your wife has farmed them out to other people while she has them, be sure to include all of that in the journal. [Which you will keep carefully tucked away where the kids aren't likely to pull it out and play with it. Kids are buggers about finding our hidden stashes of adult goodies.]
If your wife doesn't come out of the fog, you will have ammo for a custody battle. You are the better parent, and your number one job is to protect the children.
AND DO NOT FLIRT OR DATE. YOU ARE STILL MARRIED. You are the total package. Your fidelity and excellent parenting are very very attractive to a lot of women. Even if you think the marriage is kaput, don't even think about it! An affair or opposite sex friendship will be bad for your children. I been trying to do extra stuff around the house,offering to get her stuff, which see seems to hate. my co-working invited me to the gym so i am going to take him up on that offer. I have started a journal with stuff she doing, that a good idea to put in what i am doing with the kids. I dont even know how to flirt so that is out, from time to time i start to think should i just give up and move on, but i cant all i want is my wife and no one else. no one else even compares in my option. so i am not going up. So over the weekend i get out of her she is no longer in love, and wanted to me sign the divorce papers to make her happy and cried on the bed for a few hours, i tried to comfort her but she just pulls away. Oh yeah she had not interest in seeing a counselor until the divorce is don't and then we can work on are friendship and the kids. I have not idea here her head is at. interesting to what lengths she will go to get something, she is trying to buy a car. since none of the utility bills are in her name she decided to falsifying one to give to the dealer. she even go as far as to ask me to co-sign at are Credit union, i need to do this again to make her and the bank happy. The car is 12 years old and the credit union only loans on 10 and newer so i have not idea what thy send to them. so,my wife tells me since thy could have know better than to sell her a car she cant get a loan on, and she cant get a co-signer she no going to bother to bring the car back thy can come get if thy want it. I guess there goes her $1000 down payment and what ever else thy want to charge her. Oh yeah, she been asking everyone to co-sign, even a few neighbors. what is she thinking or where is she at? one of my friends asked if she was on drugs. I dont even know how she would make it on her own, her job does not pay enough for rent, car, and child care
BH 34
D-Day- 6/2015
Married 4 years
DD 11 and 4
DS 1
Plan A+Exposure
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Oh my wife did that once.
went to a dealership and they let her drive it home and said, Have your husband sign the papers tomorrow.
I drove it back to them the next day and bad mouth the dealership every chance i get now.
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Ron Clark, your wife is on a drug. It's "POSOM and extra-marital affair." She craves it like heroin. The pure and holy marriage and family sickens her and it will disgust her until she withdraws from the affair. Funny she asked YOU to co-sign with her to buy the car. Why did she not ask POSOM to co-sign with her? After all, they have a future together. G-d wants them to be together.
Co-signing for a car to help her in any way was not a good Emotional Need to meet. So you were right to refuse. She is temporarily crazy. She sat on the bed and cried? Good. And you were there for her? Good. She will remember that when POSOM shows his true colors.
The affair is crumbling. Stay the course. She cannot love you right now because POSOM is meeting some of her Emotional Needs. You are showing courage. Glad you are taking care of yourself. Oh, and by the way, flirty men are not sexy. Real men (you) are sexy!! Go John Wayne!
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Ron Clark, your wife is on a drug. It's "POSOM and extra-marital affair." She craves it like heroin. The pure and holy marriage and family sickens her and it will disgust her until she withdraws from the affair. Funny she asked YOU to co-sign with her to buy the car. Why did she not ask POSOM to co-sign with her? After all, they have a future together. G-d wants them to be together.
Co-signing for a car to help her in any way was not a good Emotional Need to meet. So you were right to refuse. She is temporarily crazy. She sat on the bed and cried? Good. And you were there for her? Good. She will remember that when POSOM shows his true colors.
The affair is crumbling. Stay the course. She cannot love you right now because POSOM is meeting some of her Emotional Needs. You are showing courage. Glad you are taking care of yourself. Oh, and by the way, flirty men are not sexy. Real men (you) are sexy!! Go John Wayne! Thanks for the encouraging words. What you say about her hating family makes since because she likes dumping the kids on me and running away, treats the oldest pretty bad. I could not figure it out what did the kids do to her to deserve this kinds of treatment. Oh the reasen the POSOM. cant sign is he has not had a job in 12 years from what i can fine out. he lost his drivers license dp to a DUI and a Class A misdemeanor. when she was there crying about the car and wanting me to sign divorce papers, i tryed to hold her hand and she pulled away like i was attacking her. I am glad to hear things are starting to crumble, its a matter of waiting i guess. I guess she is feeling alot of guilt or something, because snooping has revealed she wants to attend another church. I am in the fight for the long hall, i guess all i can do is hunker down, wait and try to be a shinning light.
BH 34
D-Day- 6/2015
Married 4 years
DD 11 and 4
DS 1
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Oh my wife did that once.
went to a dealership and they let her drive it home and said, Have your husband sign the papers tomorrow.
I drove it back to them the next day and bad mouth the dealership every chance i get now. Dealership is not the right work for this place. There are scum and pray on desperate buyers and selling cars that have no business being on the road. A buy here pay here scum of a car dealer charging 29.99% interest, like i said scum low lifes.
BH 34
D-Day- 6/2015
Married 4 years
DD 11 and 4
DS 1
Plan A+Exposure
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I think you said you exposed the affair to the church? Is there some reason the pastor has not called them out in the middle of Sunday service?
Does everyone in the church know?
Last edited by apples123; 08/04/15 07:28 PM.
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I think you said you exposed the affair to the church? Is there some reason the pastor has not called them out in the middle of Sunday service?
Does everyone in the church know? Churches rarely do that now. My pastor told me that the insurer tells them not to. They often will address it but quietly and in house.
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I think you said you exposed the affair to the church? Is there some reason the pastor has not called them out in the middle of Sunday service?
Does everyone in the church know? No there not going to do that, I would love it if thy did and I think thy should. The people at church that knows are the pastor's, elders, his parents, and a guy that came over and prayed for me cus he saw I was troubled.
BH 34
D-Day- 6/2015
Married 4 years
DD 11 and 4
DS 1
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A very important Christian author, C.S. Lewis, wrote a short book entitled The Screwtape Letters. Screwtape was a devil in training, answered to Satan but I don't think Lewis used the name of Satan. Screwtape was charged with corrupting a young man away from Christianity to Sin.
The corruption started small. The Boss (Satan) told Screwtape to help the young man along by helping him to think it wasn't important to say unpleasant things about biblical values, and to hang around with people who enjoyed poking fun at Christian virtues and values.
It started small with your wife too. She probably told herself it didn't matter if she had an innocent, platonic friendship with the POSOM. She had a right to her freedom. She believed that she wasn't taking anything away from her family and her husband. She let herself believe that the soul is a fairy tale.
Screwtape talked about how the young man was tempted away from his modern, sophisticated friends by a good young Christian girl. Screwtape mentioned how the odor of holiness stunk up everyone in the household, even to the gardener and the maids. Screwtape was disgusted.
The young man became more Christian all the time and dropped his atheistic worldly friends.
The reverse can happen to people too.
Stay strong.
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Of course she wants to find another church. She can go there and pretend she isn't cheating on her husband and destroying her family. See how effective exposure is for your Plan A?
If you hadn't exposed at church, she could go on pretending and could even paint you as some kind of awful husband. Garner sympathy and support for the new lover. Ugh.
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I thank God for leading me to marrage builder's without Doc Harley and you guys I would be really lost.
As I am watching things unfold, it seems she still steaming ahead, I keep wondering when it going to all fall apart.
I am guessing it's a slow process, just like how the affair started.
You know i seeing small bits that erode at the fantasy just make her frustrated and see tries harder.
It's not easy to watch, but I guess I have too.
BH 34
D-Day- 6/2015
Married 4 years
DD 11 and 4
DS 1
Plan A+Exposure
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Are you keeping a audio recorder on you?
If not do so.
Sometimes a cheating woman will accuse the husband of assault etc and get the guy kicked out of the house and the boyfriend moved in.
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Are you keeping a audio recorder on you?
If not do so.
Sometimes a cheating woman will accuse the husband of assault etc and get the guy kicked out of the house and the boyfriend moved in. Yes i am keeping a voice recorder. i rent and she is not on the lease, so the problem is if she gets me removed then there is not longer a legal tenant. She would get evicted then. Looks like my wife is visiting the POSOM she came home at 4am. I am guessing the POSOM does not care what the pastor and parents or anyone ones option.
BH 34
D-Day- 6/2015
Married 4 years
DD 11 and 4
DS 1
Plan A+Exposure
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Know my wife is telling me i am undermining her parenting by telling the kids about the divorce and she is still mad that thy seen her farther and has forbidden me to let the kids see him. She is sure acting like she is in charge and do as i say.
Oh and the older daughter throw a huge fit at her mother, i guess hit,bit and kicked, telling her she wished was not her mother today, so she called me to take care of of the older daughter. As i see it its her fault for being anger allthe toward her daughter. I keep talking to my daughter about respecting her mother and she like why should i she not nice and destoring the family, so ill do what i can to make her life miserable.
BH 34
D-Day- 6/2015
Married 4 years
DD 11 and 4
DS 1
Plan A+Exposure
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Regarding the older daughter, i encourage you to have her see a Christian counselor or maybe speak to an older lady in your church.
kicking and biting is completely out of control behavior and should not be tolerated.
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Regarding the older daughter, i encourage you to have her see a Christian counselor or maybe speak to an older lady in your church.
kicking and biting is completely out of control behavior and should not be tolerated. Well she got alot of anger towards her mom the way she been treating and talks to her. In away I understand, but I don't approve of. Her reasoning if mom treats me like garbage I'll treat her like that too. She mad mom breaking up her family and wants to take her from the only father she knows.right know my daughter and I have a great relationship and she feels I really care for her were as she feels her mom does not.
BH 34
D-Day- 6/2015
Married 4 years
DD 11 and 4
DS 1
Plan A+Exposure
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Oh wait.
i forgot this is your step daughter.
in that case, just try to be a friend to her.
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I have desided because I have no idea what my wife might do, I feel I need to make a move before I am painted in a corner or halled off on some charge. I am going to file for separation. But I am afraid what she might be capable of. And all this anger is not healthy for the kids. I really hate too but maybe a cool down and time might help. She seem determined to go down this path that nothing going to stop her. I pray I am making the right decision. Life choice are so hard. 
BH 34
D-Day- 6/2015
Married 4 years
DD 11 and 4
DS 1
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I have desided because I have no idea what my wife might do, I feel I need to make a move before I am painted in a corner or halled off on some charge. I am going to file for separation. But I am afraid what she might be capable of. And all this anger is not healthy for the kids. I really hate too but maybe a cool down and time might help. She seem determined to go down this path that nothing going to stop her. I pray I am making the right decision. Life choice are so hard. I think Dr Harley would support this because it may offer you legal protections against debts she incurs etc while carrying on her affair. However, many waywards use a separation as an excuse to cheat. Since she is already actively out at all hours of the night with her lover, I dont think a legal separation will reinforce her thinking though. She seems determined to carry on this affair despite public humiliation. In Plan A, You would continue to try to meet her emotional needs. In the case of a legal separation, you may be unable to do so. In that case, you may play yourself into a Plan B. I suggest you send an email to Dr. Harley for guidance. Sample language would be as follows: Dear Dr. Harley, I have been married to my wife for 4 years. We have a blended family and both have kids brought into the marriage. I found your forum a couple months ago after reading His Needs Her Needs. My wife has been having an affair with a man for (XXX time). I have exposed the affair to family, friends and clergy and confronted him in front of his mother (whom he lives with). My wife carries on her affair in the open now and often stays out all night, coming home at early hours in the morning. I have decided to contact a lawyer and request some type of legal separation to protect myself. I am concerned she could make false allegations against me or incur debt. A few days ago, she drove a car home from a used car dealer and asked me to sign loan documents for it. Would you recommend trying to continue plan A during a legal separation or plan B? Sincerely, ------- Also, do not speak about legal separation to anyone until you see an attorney
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Consider this previous post concerning separation. She has told me nothing of the affair. I have plans to talk to her tonight and see if she will open up. Ron be strategic. Why would you talk to her? She knows very well what she is up to, as do you. Talking to her will just take the affair further underground. A totally unexpected nuclear exposure is by far your best strategy. Do not tip your hand. Do i just sit tight? Or what is my next move? I'm not sure where you are on exposure but I did want to pipe in about one thing. You exposed her at church and they made OM break it off with her. That was a awesome smart move. However, your wayward wife now incorrectly thinks if she separates from you (and later divorces you) she can THEN resume the affair. My wife kind of did the same thing after OM dumped her. See...she THINKS the only reason they can't be together is because she's with you/married to you...so in order to get the affair back...she's got to separate. I simply said "no". Your wife is looking for work but she can't afford to move out on her own and hopefully her parents or relatives don't take her in leaving her "stuck" with you. It's OK if she's just stuck. Your affair can over come her anger. It can't overcome and ongoing affair. Right now she's just acting like a crack head who's only dealer disappeared. OM was her crack and she wants it back, but OM is done with her and hopefully he doesn't get wishy washy on her saying "I'll wait for you" or some other bull when trying to end it politely. Once she withdraws from daily contact and starts thinking a bit more clearly (2-4 weeks), she'll calm down and hopefully start to see the foolishness of her ways. Watch for her also to start criticizing OM for being a wimp who is afraid of upsetting his family and church. She'll be offended that his "love" wasn't strong enough or deep enough for him to ignore them like she expected him to. She'll start realize that OM just used her and when the going got tough OM ran (whereas....when the going got tough for you, her husband, you didn't run, you fought for her). It's a distinction she'll realize in time. Godspeed.
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So far everything I have done just seems to make her mad and she just presses harder to spend time with POSOM.
And even is so bold to take to him at church.
It really hurts to see the effects on the family as a whole.
I still have no idea what she going to do she can't afford a apartment. Let along all the other costs of living. That's I am afraid of what she might pull, since lieing is ok, and any morality seems to be gone.
BH 34
D-Day- 6/2015
Married 4 years
DD 11 and 4
DS 1
Plan A+Exposure
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The anger at you isn't a bad thing. You're in her way of the dope peddler (POSOM). Some time back there were posts on this website about being the Lighthouse. Being steady and willing to show the wayward the way back to your marriage.
The anger was starting back when you exposed her affair. That flame is still burning. Hold fast, and pray. It would be much worse if your wife had no reaction at all to the exposure. It is killing their affair.
By the way, C.S. Lewis wrote a series of children's books that you can borrow from the library. It was titled The Narnia Chronicles. The first book in the series was The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe. (Some of the stories were made into feature length films.) Take your 10 year old to the library and take out that book for her. It's a lovely story. And even younger children than your 10 year old enjoy them.
I still have a complete set, and I still read them, they are wonderful! And a good introduction to a Christian philosopher. Nothing about cheating mothers and POSOMs. Just a wholesome escape for everyone. And another brick in the safe, secure household from an ugly world out there.
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I talked with the lawyer again today and he said just wait and when things get or look bad with her anger, go for a drive and be away for a while.
If things go down to finalizing a divorce, he's got a plan and it's going to be messy and he said we can go after the POSOM. The lawyer is guessing the POSOM is going to hate what's comming. So lots more pressure on her and the POSOM.
And we have a plan in place for my step daughter too he things I have a good case to include her.
Know the scarry part, is cost might be up in the range of 10k. Looks like he is going to work with me and give me sideline stuff to do to help keep the cost down. I pray that God will provide the means to for me to keep fighting.
BH 34
D-Day- 6/2015
Married 4 years
DD 11 and 4
DS 1
Plan A+Exposure
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The anger at you isn't a bad thing. You're in her way of the dope peddler (POSOM). Some time back there were posts on this website about being the Lighthouse. Being steady and willing to show the wayward the way back to your marriage.
The anger was starting back when you exposed her affair. That flame is still burning. Hold fast, and pray. It would be much worse if your wife had no reaction at all to the exposure. It is killing their affair.
By the way, C.S. Lewis wrote a series of children's books that you can borrow from the library. It was titled The Narnia Chronicles. The first book in the series was The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe. (Some of the stories were made into feature length films.) Take your 10 year old to the library and take out that book for her. It's a lovely story. And even younger children than your 10 year old enjoy them.
I still have a complete set, and I still read them, they are wonderful! And a good introduction to a Christian philosopher. Nothing about cheating mothers and POSOMs. Just a wholesome escape for everyone. And another brick in the safe, secure household from an ugly world out there. I know about the Narnia series of books, but nothing of his other stuff. I know the kids watched the new versions of the movies, I'll have to get the book version to read to them. Thy love there stories before bed.
BH 34
D-Day- 6/2015
Married 4 years
DD 11 and 4
DS 1
Plan A+Exposure
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The Chronicles of Narnia are pretty intense.
They involve battles and death.
I love the series very much but it is not feel good, lovely stuff.
It is kind of scary all the way through.
The Last Battle is tough and upsetting.
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Kids love the battles, and the really young ones don't get what death really is. Video games have characters dying all the time, and coming back to fight again. I've read Lewis to my little cousins, as well as Philip Pullman's trilogy. They were glued to my side begging me to read just one more chapter. My son loved them too.
Remember the Grimm's Fairy Tales, the original ones? They were also intense and full of disturbing themes. Kids feed their imaginations with them, and add them to their made-up games. They conquer the witches, kill the trolls, and build forts out of cushions to defend against the giants.
I was a pretty long in the tooth adult before learning that Lewis was a Christian writer. He was amazing. His adult works are worth the read for anybody.
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Another good series my kids love is the Oz books by Baum
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I keep wondering to myself if my wife will come back, she seems so far away and wanting nothing but this POSOM.
Yesterday we went to the county fair together as a family and she just was not there and the older daughter was getting upset at the end because she felt that mommy was talking all the fun out of the experience i felt that way too. it was just the vibes she was giving off i guess.
I gave her flowers and a card Thursday day for are 4 year anniversary. I got those are nice flowers and nothing about the card. its really hard not to feel like all this is for not and she will end up hating me after she finds out i have a lawyer involved to defend me and the kids including the step daughter.
he thinks i have a great case in winning rights to her.
Last edited by RonClark; 08/08/15 03:55 PM.
BH 34
D-Day- 6/2015
Married 4 years
DD 11 and 4
DS 1
Plan A+Exposure
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Visitation rights maybe but you will not have custodial rights to a child you aren't related to
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In the state of Washington there is common law relating to pseudo facto Parenthood, which means I can make a case in the courts and if I win it's one stop short of a adoption for my step daughter. In the eyes of the court of Washington if I win will me I'll have all the rights and responsibilities of a father to her.
BH 34
D-Day- 6/2015
Married 4 years
DD 11 and 4
DS 1
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reading, The Last Battle has layers to it. I never read it when I was a kid. I found a website about C.S. Lewis and the Chronicles. I had always thought it was an allegory about Christ and Satan. I was wrong. He wrote them as a simple fairy tale. But a Christian could interpret them as allegory about Christ if they wanted to.
The ape forcing Puzzle the donkey to dress up in a dead lion's skin could be seen as faking the return of Christ. Aslan had not been present for ages, and many people didn't believe in him any more. The Ape used the simple donkey to manipulate the Narnians to do his bidding.
Another aspect of the books is that the child heroes make mistakes, sometimes very bad ones, and they manage to redeem themselves. I think there are good lessons for children that you can repent from your bad deeds, that you can become a better person, but that you have to face your mistakes and own up to them.
Sorry to thread jack. I've worn those pages thin with re-reading.
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Ron Clark, she is fogged in with her affair. You did good remembering your 4 year anniversary. It's Plan A. If the fog lifts, she will remember your kind romantic gestures. She is very hard to reach right now.
Your oldest [step]daughter is learning lessons from you now. If G-d forbid she faces a cheating husband, she has a playbook to follow. And closer to the present, she is learning that you are the parent committed to saving her family, and she's learning how much you really love her mother.
think about tossing stones into a brook. If you toss enough stones, you can eventually have a raised pathway and finally you might have a bridge. Only a loving spouse has the courage to hold on and persist, like you are doing.
A POSOM will cut and run when things become hard.
Belle, Domestic Goddess
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Good man. I hope you succeed with custody of your daughter.
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Good man. I hope you succeed with custody of your daughter. Thanks, none of this is easy for me or on the kids. I really pray all this will end well. On Saturday me and my wife went out to a brewfest and had dinner afterwards. For a few hours she had lots of fun I could see on her face. To bad she went to see the POSOM afterwards. Even the next day she said she had lots of fun and wants to do it again. On thing I can't figure out is she keeps taking like we are married, even thought she had me served with divorce papers.
BH 34
D-Day- 6/2015
Married 4 years
DD 11 and 4
DS 1
Plan A+Exposure
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She is cake-eating and probably had this fantasy in her head wher you and she and  OM will be one happy patchwork family and the best of friends. There is nothing wrong with telling her it is killing you inside when she goes to see posom. Not in a pathetic needy way, but so that she understands how your heart is bleeding. Dr Harley says that women tend to love only one man at a time, so they "want" the best man to win their hearts, while men enjoy the attention of both women, and would sometimes try to keep the limbo going to be able to have to women meet their needs longer.
me, DH
all the children
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What else can I do to push the POSOM away? It looks like the POSOM stopped going to church I did not see him today and the pastor hinted that he might be coming.
My wife is still seeing him and is like no other man has me so wound up and I never want to leave your arm's at least in her texts. Thy seem to be talking more than texting.
I have the POSOM posted on the two cheating sites. I just can't seem to get the right pressure on him.
Am I going to have to sit tight till the GL starts checking him out and doing backgrounds checks on him?
I guess I would like to see things move faster in the right direction.
BH 34
D-Day- 6/2015
Married 4 years
DD 11 and 4
DS 1
Plan A+Exposure
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You are doing all the right things. Actually your prospects are good. You have 2 children together and POSOM does not sound like the responsible father type who will want to take on 3 children.
Make yourself as attractive as possible and an enjoyable person to be with for your wife.
I do not remember if you confronted the OM? Dr. Harley reccommends that you let him know that you will always be there for your wife and he has nothing to win in the long run. You can confront him, if you take a witness and if you can constrain yourself. POSOM probably wants something easy on the side and it is not romantic if your "girlfriends" husband confronts you to tell you that you are breaking up a family. It may also impress his mom who lives with him.
There are no guarantees though, because everyone is different and it can take some time for the affair to enter the quarreling phase (but it will).
me, DH
all the children
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Good man. I hope you succeed with custody of your daughter. Thanks, none of this is easy for me or on the kids. I really pray all this will end well. On Saturday me and my wife went out to a brewfest and had dinner afterwards. For a few hours she had lots of fun I could see on her face. To bad she went to see the POSOM afterwards. Even the next day she said she had lots of fun and wants to do it again. On thing I can't figure out is she keeps taking like we are married, even thought she had me served with divorce papers. She probably wants to be your friend after divorce. My wife would do the Same things
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You are doing all the right things. Actually your prospects are good. You have 2 children together and POSOM does not sound like the responsible father type who will want to take on 3 children.
Make yourself as attractive as possible and an enjoyable person to be with for your wife.
I do not remember if you confronted the OM? Dr. Harley reccommends that you let him know that you will always be there for your wife and he has nothing to win in the long run. You can confront him, if you take a witness and if you can constrain yourself. POSOM probably wants something easy on the side and it is not romantic if your "girlfriends" husband confronts you to tell you that you are breaking up a family. It may also impress his mom who lives with him.
There are no guarantees though, because everyone is different and it can take some time for the affair to enter the quarreling phase (but it will). He did confront him at mommys house, where he lives.
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What else can I do to push the POSOM away? It looks like the POSOM stopped going to church I did not see him today and the pastor hinted that he might be coming.
My wife is still seeing him and is like no other man has me so wound up and I never want to leave your arm's at least in her texts. Thy seem to be talking more than texting.
I have the POSOM posted on the two cheating sites. I just can't seem to get the right pressure on him.
Am I going to have to sit tight till the GL starts checking him out and doing backgrounds checks on him?
I guess I would like to see things move faster in the right direction. Why would you go to the church if he was going? I dont think this church is doing what they are supposed to be doing and you should consider finding a church that does not encourage unrepentant sins
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What else can I do to push the POSOM away? It looks like the POSOM stopped going to church I did not see him today and the pastor hinted that he might be coming.
My wife is still seeing him and is like no other man has me so wound up and I never want to leave your arm's at least in her texts. Thy seem to be talking more than texting.
I have the POSOM posted on the two cheating sites. I just can't seem to get the right pressure on him.
Am I going to have to sit tight till the GL starts checking him out and doing backgrounds checks on him?
I guess I would like to see things move faster in the right direction. Why would you go to the church if he was going? I dont think this church is doing what they are supposed to be doing and you should consider finding a church that does not encourage unrepentant sins Well I have found support and there praying for me and my family. Thy might been slow to react, but talking with the pastor this last Sunday. Thy believe in the sanctity of marriage and thy told the POSOM that the consequences of continuing with the affair would be he would not longer be welcome to come to church to fellowship (church the pastor said is not a social club) and he will no longer be able to providing security or any other services for the church. It sounds like the pastor put his foot down on what is right. In fact I did not see the POSOM at church this Sunday.
BH 34
D-Day- 6/2015
Married 4 years
DD 11 and 4
DS 1
Plan A+Exposure
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A condition of recovery is that you would never see this man again so if the church doesnt ban him there is no point in attending.
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Anyway, it is positive that he will suffer negative consequences.
me, DH
all the children
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Now my concerned that my WW is getting comfortable were she is at. She is talking to him on the phone in my living room at night.
Which is making my daughter upset, well anything to do with the POSOM makes her upset now.
Talking gets no were, am I going to have to sit tight till the court ball gets rolling to get her uncomfortable again?
Last edited by RonClark; 08/11/15 11:34 AM.
BH 34
D-Day- 6/2015
Married 4 years
DD 11 and 4
DS 1
Plan A+Exposure
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If she is carrying out the affair under your roof, that is where I would draw the line. I would calmly let her now that she is not allowed to carry out her affair under your roof. That is not a DJ.
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You can disconnect the phones. You don't have to provide any means to her which help her contact POSOM.
Who is making the money in your houshold?
me, DH
all the children
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Well its her cell phone, that's in her name now. She works now but does not help with household expenses. She also wants to use my money like it's hers. The lawyer says since she filed for divorce it's no longer her money to take.
BH 34
D-Day- 6/2015
Married 4 years
DD 11 and 4
DS 1
Plan A+Exposure
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If she is carrying out the affair under your roof, that is where I would draw the line. I would calmly let her now that she is not allowed to carry out her affair under your roof. That is not a DJ. No. Dr. Harley has made it clear that a betrayed spouse cannot make demands, even a demand to end an affair. In Plan A he can tell her he is devastated when she leaves to be with OM, and try to meet her emotional needs. He should not offend her in any way. However, he should not make any demands. If he can't handle plan A and it becomes too stressful he should enter Plan B
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Now my concerned that my WW is getting comfortable were she is at. She is talking to him on the phone in my living room at night.
Which is making my daughter upset, well anything to do with the POSOM makes her upset now.
Talking gets no were, am I going to have to sit tight till the court ball gets rolling to get her uncomfortable again? Ron, She may be trying to get you mad so you will leave the house and she can move OM in. I don't know what to suggest to you in line with Plan A. We aren't allowed to encourage divorce in the forum but I can tell you that my wife was texting and carrying on her affair in public. I'm divorced now and very happy. I think you should enter Plan B. But understand that the prospect of winning her back is slim after entering Plan B.
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Ron, I would **EDIT**. A home needs to be place where the family is safe and not abused by another's actions. Dr. Harley says that infidelity is an awful abuse on another human being. http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6806_inf.html
Last edited by Mizar; 08/13/15 09:14 PM. Reason: TOS: editing out personal opinions, please stick to Marriage Builders advice
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My lawyer is telling me when she refiles the divorce he wants to have a court order that she needshould to move. I am not a 100% sure thatshe the right thing to do.
Really my goal is to have my wife back there is nothing I want more than to hold her right know.
I am learning how to deal with the extra stress and her anger when it shows its head. It's by no means easy, but I am holding on to hope it will pay off.
I can't see any way the POSOM is going to be there for her, besides being a ear. With no job and he stays at him mom's apt. She going to need financial support along with Support for the kids, I just can't see him stepping up to the plate and offering that.
BH 34
D-Day- 6/2015
Married 4 years
DD 11 and 4
DS 1
Plan A+Exposure
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Ron, I would demand that she not carry on her affair in your home. A home needs to be place where the family is safe and not abused by another's actions. Dr. Harley says that infidelity is an awful abuse on another human being. http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6806_inf.htmlJustthe3ofus, You are correct that an affair is an awful abuse. However, you are incorrect in advising that the poster make demands of his wife to end an affair. Dr. Harley encourages betrayed spouses to tell their cheating spouse how hurt they are and ask them to end their affair. But he is against all demands. Pasted below is a comment Dr. Harley posted last year. I have bolded the relevant part: Gamma,
From what I've seen of your posts and the responses of others, I should make a point that may help clarify my position on radical honesty.
First of all, I feel that demands are off limits in marriage, even when it involves a failure to be radically honesty. I am against demands regarding the meeting of emotional needs, demands to avoid love busters (including dishonesty), and demands to stop having an affair. While I think every spouse reserves the right to separate and even to divorce when a spouse does not meet emotional needs, or persists in Love Busters, or continues an affair, they should not demand a change.
The reason I feel this way is that demands don't work. They cause the spouse to be uncooperative and to lose their feeling of romantic love. It can even lead to hating the person making the demand. It doesn't produce the desired result, and makes the marriage intolerable.
Your have every right to separate from your spouse, or even divorce her. But you are being foolish to make demands. I strongly encourage you to leave the problem you are having with her past romantic relationship in the past. Don't bring it up again. Deal with problems of the present, not of the past.
Best wishes,
Dr. Harley
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My lawyer is telling me when she refiles the divorce he wants to have a court order that she needshould to move. I am not a 100% sure thatshe the right thing to do.
Really my goal is to have my wife back there is nothing I want more than to hold her right know.
I am learning how to deal with the extra stress and her anger when it shows its head. It's by no means easy, but I am holding on to hope it will pay off.
I can't see any way the POSOM is going to be there for her, besides being a ear. With no job and he stays at him mom's apt. She going to need financial support along with Support for the kids, I just can't see him stepping up to the plate and offering that. If you decide to pursue divorce I encourage you to seek full custody of your children. Regarding a court order for her to leave the home, Dr. Harley typically advises a husband against forcing a cheating wife to leave the home while in Plan A. You may want to email him for specific guidance since you are in the legal system. He may defer to your attorney if it helps you gain custody.
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My lawyer is telling me when she refiles the divorce he wants to have a court order that she needshould to move. I am not a 100% sure thatshe the right thing to do.
Really my goal is to have my wife back there is nothing I want more than to hold her right know.
I am learning how to deal with the extra stress and her anger when it shows its head. It's by no means easy, but I am holding on to hope it will pay off.
I can't see any way the POSOM is going to be there for her, besides being a ear. With no job and he stays at him mom's apt. She going to need financial support along with Support for the kids, I just can't see him stepping up to the plate and offering that. Ron, do you live in a no-fault divorce state? Or are you in one of the states that still allows Alienation of Affection lawsuits to be filed against affair partners?
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My lawyer is telling me when she refiles the divorce he wants to have a court order that she needshould to move. I am not a 100% sure thatshe the right thing to do.
Really my goal is to have my wife back there is nothing I want more than to hold her right know.
I am learning how to deal with the extra stress and her anger when it shows its head. It's by no means easy, but I am holding on to hope it will pay off.
I can't see any way the POSOM is going to be there for her, besides being a ear. With no job and he stays at him mom's apt. She going to need financial support along with Support for the kids, I just can't see him stepping up to the plate and offering that. Ron, do you live in a no-fault divorce state? Or are you in one of the states that still allows Alienation of Affection lawsuits to be filed against affair partners? I live in a no fault divorce state. I have a question i a struggling with, now that she filed and had me served with divorce papers. What needs do i meet and were do i draw the line? Like do to i have her move? If she spends all her work money and then wants money? Right now she is not helping wih any expences but child care. So my real question is how much should i be willing to help, do i fix her car or if breaks do i loan her my car and stuff like that? I am more than willing to help were i can, but i dont want to enable her eather. I feel i am a catch 22 here, and just not sure which is the right way.
BH 34
D-Day- 6/2015
Married 4 years
DD 11 and 4
DS 1
Plan A+Exposure
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Justthe3ofus,
You are correct that an affair is an awful abuse.
However, you are incorrect in advising that the poster make demands of his wife to end an affair.
Dr. Harley encourages betrayed spouses to tell their cheating spouse how hurt they are and ask them to end their affair. But he is against all demands.
Pasted below is a comment Dr. Harley posted last year. I have bolded the relevant part: I did not say that Ron should demand she end the affair. I said he **EDIT** Ron, I was in your shoes a long time ago. I **EDIT**, and I was supported on this site for that decision. I never forced her into any decisions. My marriage is now recovered thanks to Marriage Builders and the God's grace. My wife respects me for standing up for our marriage and not enabling the affair.
Last edited by Mizar; 08/13/15 09:13 PM. Reason: TOS: editing out personal opinions, please stick to Marriage Builders advice
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Ron, in answer to whether to do favors for your wife once she has served you with divorce papers, (but is still in the house), I'm not sure what the right thing is. I've been away from the Boards for years, only popping in from time to time. Maybe a fresh post, with the heading "PLAN A question for a BH served divorce papers" - would catch the eye of people on the boards who are experienced and are better equipped to advise you? I don't want to suggest anything that could make it easier for her to continue her abuse. At the same time, while you're still under the same roof, it could be useful to do things that will make her remember you with fondness once the idiot she's dating starts to foul up. My lawyer is telling me when she refiles the divorce he wants to have a court order that she needshould to move. I am not a 100% sure thatshe the right thing to do.
Really my goal is to have my wife back there is nothing I want more than to hold her right know.
I am learning how to deal with the extra stress and her anger when it shows its head. It's by no means easy, but I am holding on to hope it will pay off.
I can't see any way the POSOM is going to be there for her, besides being a ear. With no job and he stays at him mom's apt. She going to need financial support along with Support for the kids, I just can't see him stepping up to the plate and offering that. Ron, do you live in a no-fault divorce state? Or are you in one of the states that still allows Alienation of Affection lawsuits to be filed against affair partners? I live in a no fault divorce state. I have a question i a struggling with, now that she filed and had me served with divorce papers. What needs do i meet and were do i draw the line? Like do to i have her move? If she spends all her work money and then wants money? Right now she is not helping wih any expences but child care. So my real question is how much should i be willing to help, do i fix her car or if breaks do i loan her my car and stuff like that? I am more than willing to help were i can, but i dont want to enable her eather. I feel i am a catch 22 here, and just not sure which is the right way.
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It depends on if you still want to make the marriage work. It is irrelevant if she is serving you with papers or not, she is having an affair.
Dr. Harley encourages husbands to stay in plan A as long as they can, because a WW will typically respond to the care and effort of a BH eventually.
Dr. Harley also suggests that you should protect marital assets and your own financial future. Although it is often recommended here on the forum, that you file for full custody, I have never heard Dr. Harley take a really strong stance on that. It really depends on your situation. Of course there are many situations in which the wayward spouse all but abandons the children, so that it is important that you be their rock and give them stability, but that does not automatically mean full custody. I recommend that you get thorough legal advice as to the laws in your state and that you put EVERYTHING IN WRITING because wayward spouses notoriously change their minds after the deal is done and they are under influence of their affair partners.
You may want to think about your own situation, child care, how your spouse has been treating the children and if there is anything you can do to prevent them from having to see their mother's affair partner. Put everything in writing and think ahead. Get some people to put in writing that you are a nice father, who knows that you may need it.
If you stay in plan A after a divorce, you can use childrens outings to fun places to lure your wife on family fun dates with you. OM can never compare to you as the father of her children. If you decide to go into plan B, it is recommended that you do parallel parenting, which means that you can have minimal (e-mail) contact with your spouse to make plan B possible. Plan B though has a higher risk of divorce and a smaller chance of reconcilliation than plan A. That is why Dr. Harley recommends plan A for as long as you can for men.
me, DH
all the children
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That's what I desided to take all I can in the parenting plan, right know my step daughter hates her mother.
Like Saturday night thy had a girls night and saw a movie together, well my step daughter came home anger as you get. she saw her mom was texting the POSOM during the movie. Right know she is seeing her mom as a lier and really does not care how she feels.
I had her talk to a friend of ours to get her to calm down.
The my WW said she was going to take a drive after thy came back. Which at this point going to take a drive means seeing the POSOM. Well she got home right after 3am.
So with all theses late night outings I feel she is abandonin the kids. She never checks in to see how thy are doing nothing.
I sure wish I could put more pressure on there relationship, I done see how thy are going to make it. My WW is talking to him about getting a place together, but POSOM is not going to be much help as I found out he's on SSI medical disabled.
If thy move in together or get married he will get less SSI to getting canceled all together from my research.
Her car she bought I don't thing will be on the road long, when she left to go to the movies, it made a loud pop and she left and there was this nice scraping noise.
I can't believe how this story is unfolding, nothing makes real since. I just hope it ends soon, I it's really hard on the kids and I hate to see that.
BH 34
D-Day- 6/2015
Married 4 years
DD 11 and 4
DS 1
Plan A+Exposure
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Ron, thankfully happyheart responded about Plan A.
It really is hard to watch your kids being hurt by their mother's selfish behavior. Are you still keeping a handwritten journal, documenting the kid related things that you are posting on MB? As hard as this is to endure, there is an up-side to her behaviors. You have a record of them.
The information about POSOM being on disability is good. he isn't going to offer her financial stability. When THAT reality hits the fan, it's really going to stink for them.
The texting to OM while with her little girl, typical. The way-wards go into a bubble and they think nobody sees what they are doing. They turn their bodies a little bit sideways and tilt the screen away so you can't see the texts, but the effect is that your stepdaughter knows she doesn't matter but that POSOM does. Very hateful. Her affair is damaging her relationship with her child, and she doesn't care a whif. You are that child's life preserver.
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I am trying to keep a journal but it's not easy taking care of the kids,work and paperwork for the lawyer stuff like that.
Today Sunday I let me emotions get the better of me and I am not sure if it was bad or good.So my WW was getting ready to leave for a new church and I was going to go with. When I went to get into the car she asked what I was doing and I said I was going with. She shook her head and said no. So I slammed the door saying nothing and ran into the apt to get the keys to my car. When I came down the stair she said something I forgot. And we talked and she let me go. Inside the car she said don't do that again and I did not answer.
It seemed to soften her abit, but I have the feeling I over reacted.
I don't like anything to come between me and the kids.
On another note is there anything I can do about her driving the kids around drousy? I noted she was pretty drousy on the way to and from church today. 3 to 4 hr of sleep a night is not helping.
BH 34
D-Day- 6/2015
Married 4 years
DD 11 and 4
DS 1
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Ron, thankfully happyheart responded about Plan A.
It really is hard to watch your kids being hurt by their mother's selfish behavior. Are you still keeping a handwritten journal, documenting the kid related things that you are posting on MB? As hard as this is to endure, there is an up-side to her behaviors. You have a record of them.
The information about POSOM being on disability is good. he isn't going to offer her financial stability. When THAT reality hits the fan, it's really going to stink for them.
The texting to OM while with her little girl, typical. The way-wards go into a bubble and they think nobody sees what they are doing. They turn their bodies a little bit sideways and tilt the screen away so you can't see the texts, but the effect is that your stepdaughter knows she doesn't matter but that POSOM does. Very hateful. Her affair is damaging her relationship with her child, and she doesn't care a whif. You are that child's life preserver. Yeah, and my WW just seeing her daughter being rebellious and my WW keeps saying it was school related emails she was replying to. My daughter says she could cleary see who my WW was texting too. How far will my WW go? My friend been talking to my daughter and getting her to calm down. My friend informed me that my daughter is at risk to run away. And so far has talked her out of running away.
BH 34
D-Day- 6/2015
Married 4 years
DD 11 and 4
DS 1
Plan A+Exposure
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Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 2,863
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Joined: Apr 2000
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Your daughter's desire to run away is probably a wish to get rid of the horrid situation her mother has forced on her. Your love and stability are the best things for her right now. She is blessed to have you in her family.
It's rotten when anyone foresakes their own family to selfishly indulge in extra marital affairs.
I hope the time you and the kids spend together is fun and that you are building the bonds between you all.
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Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 2,863
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Joined: Apr 2000
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I am trying to keep a journal but it's not easy taking care of the kids,work and paperwork for the lawyer stuff like that.
Today Sunday I let me emotions get the better of me and I am not sure if it was bad or good.So my WW was getting ready to leave for a new church and I was going to go with. When I went to get into the car she asked what I was doing and I said I was going with. She shook her head and said no. So I slammed the door saying nothing and ran into the apt to get the keys to my car. When I came down the stair she said something I forgot. And we talked and she let me go. Inside the car she said don't do that again and I did not answer.
It seemed to soften her abit, but I have the feeling I over reacted.
I don't like anything to come between me and the kids.
On another note is there anything I can do about her driving the kids around drousy? I noted she was pretty drousy on the way to and from church today. 3 to 4 hr of sleep a night is not helping. I just answered an earlier post of yours. About the drowsy driving: I looked up the law for a person who is an IV drug user (life-long, daughter of a friend). The woman has had several car accidents, and last year totaled her brand new car. She had to buy a used clunker. I looked up laws on the internet, and it came down to the police will not keep an eye out for an impaired driver if you call in to give their plate number. They will only intervene if one of them witnesses the driver doing something illegal, and then they will pull them over. This addict seems to have a charmed life, in spite of several traffic stops by the local sheriff. I intended to report her, but there was no way to do that. I don't know what to tell you. Sorry.
Belle, Domestic Goddess
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Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 251
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OP
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Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 251 |
Your daughter's desire to run away is probably a wish to get rid of the horrid situation her mother has forced on her. Your love and stability are the best things for her right now. She is blessed to have you in her family.
It's rotten when anyone foresakes their own family to selfishly indulge in extra marital affairs.
I hope the time you and the kids spend together is fun and that you are building the bonds between you all. I try to spend as much time with her as I can, Sunday afternoon we went for a walk and I took her to DQ down the street. My WW would kill me because she is punishing her for her behavior toward her. But I don't see it as justice punishment. I ausured her I am doing what I can and I just can't tell her right not what I am doing, because her mom can't know right know or it might make things really hard for her and dad. I have also tried to explain to her that keeping secrets from mom right know is not a bad thing with what is going on, but not something we should do. Because of the way her mom treats her right know I am giving her some extra leeway in staying up a little bit longer. I was letting her stay in my bed, but know her mom is going to punish her if she is any were but in her bed.
BH 34
D-Day- 6/2015
Married 4 years
DD 11 and 4
DS 1
Plan A+Exposure
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Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,536 Likes: 9
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Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,536 Likes: 9 |
I was letting her stay in my bed, but know her mom is going to punish her if she is any were but in her bed. Is this your step-daughter you're talking about? I do hope not.
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 2,863
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Not that I think there is anything wrong with a daughter sleeping in Dad's bed when there is a crisis in the family, but she is your stepdaughter. Waywards fight dirty and accuse parents of horrible things. Do not give WW any ammo.
Walking to DQ for ice cream is a very neat thing to do, however! Too bad if WW wants to punish her. The child sees exactly what is going on and her sense of outrage is completely justified. She will be looking to you for moral clarity later in her life.
You are the most loving caring parent in this whole mess and it's important that your [step]daughter doesn't have any problems staying in your home, with her family.
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Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 4,458
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Please do not let her stay in your bed. The very last thing you need is an irrational, unstable, hostile woman (who has been trying to throw everything against you except the kitchen sink) making allegations that you are sexually abusing your stepdaughter. False accusations like that can very quickly take on a life of their own.
tl
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Joined: Apr 2005
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You had 3 replies 3 minutes, all saying basically the same thing. Please don't ignore us.
tl
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