I am currently working on all of the exposure emails/messages. I have a few questions regarding this.

1) I have no way of getting email addresses of people at her employer. Also, her AP is her boss. What should I do in this situation?

2)Evidence: Is it really enough? So let me explain the evidence that I have:
I have photos of her car at his house showing the number on the mailbox as well as the license plate number of her car.
I have a screenshot of a message she sent me that states "Do you really think we can carry on when I clearly have feelings for someone else?"
I have a photo of his profile photo that he put on the app that they use to message each other.
I Have a log that I have kept for a few days showing what time each of them went online/offline showing that they were texting each other (circumstantial at best)
3) Is sending the exposure "letter" by text message acceptable for her friends/family? Or is email really necessary?

Contact HR, a key vice president and the OM's boss. Go visit them in person and deliver a handwritten letter.


First off, your wife admitted the affair and you caught her at his home. Just say that. Dont say you have circumstantial eviednce, you caught her there! It is preferable that you call the closest family members, followed by an email. For others you could text an exposure letter.

Since I am almost positive that they are not utilizing company resources (they are using their personal mobile phones) I have modified the Workplace exposure letter.. Please provide feedback. I will post my modified letters to the others later for your review. Should i mention any of my evidence here? Should I mention she's my wife? Should I really put my name/number on it?

To Whom It May Concern:

This letter is to bring a matter to your attention that may be a violation of your Company's Code of Conduct and/or other policies, procedures and business ethics.

AP and WS are involved in an extramarital affair that is taking place, primarily, in the workplace. Aside from the potential sexual harassment claims this situation presents, it also involves the inappropriate use of company time. While they are utilizing their personal mobile phones, they are spending an inordinate amount of what should be productive work time in order to further their extramarital relationship.

If you have any questions, please call me at xxx-xxxx. Otherwise, I will anticipate a response from you once you have investigated these concerns and taken appropriate corrective action.

Regards,

Yes, of course you would need to mention that she is your wife. They have to know the facts.

Ok...so here is the friends and family one: Please Critique.

Dear friends and family,

I am writing you this message because you are an important person in the lives of W and I. As some of you know, W has recently asked me for a separation, which has shattered my heart. I am willing to accept my part in the issues at hand and am committed to making myself better for our marriage. However, to my shock, I am saddened to have discovered that the reason is because W has been carrying on an affair with her manager named OM who resides in XX. The purpose of the separation is so that she can gain some distance, but quite possibly so that she can carry on her affair without my interference.

She refuses to end the affair. I want our marriage to recover from this affair. If you have any influence on my dear W, please do what you can to get her to stop this dangerous affair. I want to stay married, but the affair must end.

As our friends and family, I am asking that you use your influence with W to persuade her to end her affair and try to work on our marriage. Our marriage can be salvaged if she would only end the affair and work with me on our issues. Please support her in doing the right thing. Please support our marriage.

I would so appreciate your support and prayers.

Warmest regards,

one small change:

And you do realize you need to expose to the OM's family and friends, right? Have you been to his facebook page?

and the facebook for OM's friends:

Dear friend of OM,

It grieves me to write this letter but I believe all of his friends should be aware that he is having an affair with my wife, W. We have been married for 3 years, together for 12 years. They have been having this affair since August according to the evidence.

I would ask that you use your influence with OM to persuade him to leave my W alone. You should also watch your own wives around him because he is no friend to a marriage.

I would appreciate it if someone would notify his parents and ask them to call me at xxx-www-xxxx.

Thank you,

In your opinions shoul i change these to "emotional affair"? Because I truly don't think it has become physical at this point. And the first thing people think when they hear affair is sex...

Of course not.

What were they doing in the OM's house? Doing a Bible study?

So, now that I have all of those prepared, obviously after I do this I can expect outrage. She will be gone with her sister all weekend and will return Monday evening. They will be in the mountains with no service. Do you suggest that I do this while they are there? She obviously will be bombarded when she comes back.

Also, what are my next steps going to be after this? I would like to be as prepared as possible with a plan.

She is likely with the OM this weekend and has cell phone service. For that reason, be sure to get your exposures done in the same day. You can expect your wife to call you in a rage once the news gets out. Don't answer the phone.

The OM is going to spend this camping trip with your WW. And the OM is going to be "sleeping" in your WW (I hope you understand what is written between the lines) multiple times and positions.

Knowing this and you do not expose all then I don't know.

No, I know for sure that she is going with her sister to go hiking. This has been planned long before the "bomb drop" or the affair started. And I have been communicating with her sister about the trip to handle the financial side of it.

I am confused about why you don't think the OM is with her. How do you know "for sure?" The fact that it was "planned" before you believe the affair started is not a reason to believe they are not together.

What kind of communication are you having about the financial side of it?

I know it was planned before the affair started because it was planned before my wife got a job where the OM works. As far as why I think they are not together: I have already told her sister about what is going on...her sister would NOT cover that up. And her sister is definitely going with her, as I have talked to her husband as well.

I have been communicating with her sister about the hotel reservations and using points and stuff like that.

She is going to get a lease tomorrow so I need help NOW! sorry for the short notice.

Help! The financial conversation is going to happen soon! Give me your tips/opinions.

I was thinking something like "You already know that I do not agree with the idea of marital separation. Also, you obviously haven't ended your affair with OM and appear to have no intention to do so even after the issue with me finding you at his house and you admitting you have feelings for him. I think it is in both of our best interests if we separate our finances as I don't want to support a marital separation or the continuance of an extramarital affair. If at the end of all of this we reconcile then we can just as easily reverse this and re-combine our finances."

Don't start an argument. Go to the bank and separate your finances.