You can, but it goes to "message requests".
Message requests tab is located on the top bar after clicking the little "messages" icon on the top right of the page.
From what I have experienced, people often overlook "message requests" as they do not really stand out as an attention getter.

If you are asking for exposure purpose, I can share how I did FB exposure to OM's side, when starting as not being "FB friends" with any of them, and it was effective.

Thanks Melody! This is not what I was thinking, but it makes sense. I will do what you recommend. You have been extremely helpful getting me through this. I wish I would have posted a long time ago and maybe I could have saved my marriage.

I would like to know more PTSD. I have the OM's SO number already. I plan to start there, but it seems harder to expose on FB than it used to be for non friends.

DS, I would try to find OM's parents and family members and expose to them. Copy and paste his contacts into a text doc for safekeeping because he will shut down the page once he knows your plan.

Here's a modified exposure letter.


Dear friends and family,

I am writing you this message because you are an important person in the lives of WW and I. You may or may not know, but WW has recently asked me for a divorce, which has shattered my heart. I am saddened to have discovered that the reason is because she has been carrying on an affair the past 2 months with XXXX XXXXXX who resides in XXXXX. He is currently in a 7 year relationship with XXX XXXX. The purpose of the divorce is so that she can carry on her affair without my interference.

This behavior has been going on for many years with different men. If you have any influence on WW, please do what you can to get her to stop this dangerous affair and protect my 2 boys, XXXX and XXXXX. It is probably too late to save our marriage, but the affair must end.

As our friends and family, I am asking that you use your influence with WW to persuade her to end her affair to protect XXXXX and XXXXXX.

Please support her in doing the right thing. I�d be happy to provide proof for anyone that would like to see it.

I would so appreciate your support and prayers.

Warmest Regards,

Any feedback, changes?

Looks good!

Why are you having these conversations with her? You realize you are STILL trying to rationalize with a serial cheater with a long history of fogged out thinking. It is NOT going to work. Of course she is trying to gaslight you, she has been doing it for a very very long time.

You are right that she is toxic and her long history of affairs has been damaging to you. You need to go into Plan B to protect yourself *regardless* of what she does. You don't need to show her a stronger person (really at this point, it doesn't matter, you are not trying to Plan A or save your marriage here), and you do not need to get her to agree to anything. As far as her ongoing affair(s), once you are divorced and in Plan B it won't matter what she is doing anymore.

WW's SSL and many years of serial cheating are her world, not her kids. I think you still have a very polyanna view of who are you are dealing with here.

The exposure letter is well written, DS.

You are right unwritten.

WW's SSL is hard to believe sometimes which affects my view of her. As far as having conversations, that has pretty much ended. I keep communication to a minimum right now, act uninterested, and do not try to initiate conversation. I'm living with her right now, so as soon as I can go Plan B, I will.

What I did to achieve FB exposure of OM,
As many can guess I learned much from Melody and the members here:

- As mentioned, do not do anything until you have everything in place and ready. Once word is out, OM will likely remove themselves from FB completely. Those on OM's side will start blocking you.
- Find OM's FB page. If you have access to WW's page or OM's - SO, one or both will likely have OM in their "friends" list.
- If you can not find the SO's page, try pasting the phone number in the FB search bar, or Google search the name with the word "Facebook".
- Once you have OM's page, immediately copy the links to each person on their friends list. Take note of those sharing the same last name (those are of course relatives).
- If you can not find OM's page, the SO will likely have some of OM's relatives on their page and you can circle back around to find him and/or more relatives.
- Find those with the same last name and branch out from there. Look at their own "friends" list and find more with that name... and so on. Also check the "about me" section under "Family and Relationships". This will result in more relatives and likely even tell you their relationship with OM. Also scroll through the various timelines as you will find even more.
- When you have the list of page links compiled, in one motion send each of them a "friend request".
(Use the "poke" button as another level of gaining their attention)
- Once you have (and it should not take long) a few/ several whom have accepted the request, send your exposure letter to all of the above list, using the IM. Do so if they have accepted your request or not. Do not stop sending until you have reached the whole list.
- As more accept your request (meaning they have not seen the letter) Send the letter again, so that it arrives in a obvious message window.
- Those whom do not accept your request yet do block you, means they have seen the letter and/or someone else got word to them. (I believe the FB messenger app will also show if it was "seen")
- Those whom do not accept your request, and also do not block you, withdraw the friend request and send it again. Then repeat the above.

* While in the process it is going to be somewhat nerve-racking.
Just keep copying/ pasting and move to the next. Once you click that last button, you are actually going to be relieved you took action. Excited even.

There are likely 3 different responses you will get.
- No reply at all. (but as mentioned, there are other ways to know they got the message)
- "Sorry, can't help you"
- Insults and name calling toward you for "hurting" OM.

( My response to this last one was... "I am doing all I can to repair my marriage and family as well as helping BS's family and acting as an enabler by keeping this a secret is detrimental to that" ). I even ignored their comments and again asked for them to contact and/ or help me find OM's parents (although I already had OM's father and sister).

* In any event, don't worry by insults. All it means is they too got the message.

Just after sending the messages, I sent OM messages telling him... "Everyone knows about the affair. Your wife, your friends, your family, everyone you associate with. Even if they do not tell you... they know. Get out of our lives *&%$#$ and leave my WW the &%$*# alone!"
(And continued for several days, each time I found out or even suspected they contacted each other) I even included the dictionary link to Adulterer, just to drive it home.

* If anything like my situation, you have been downplayed and degraded between the two of them. By confronting OM through email, I was told to expect, by those I know (and did expect), that it would have my WW (and likely OM) snickering at me like I was small (and she did just that). But, once it set in that they were truly exposed, a different tune was playing.
After sending OM these messages, over several days, his BW finally asked me to stop, because "It is causing him depression".

Note:
- If you can not find SO's FB page, you have the number, so call.
(You might even call if you do find the page)

Have your evidence ready. I suggest creating and uploading to a Dropbox account. Offer it to the betrayed SO. They will likely want all of it. Offer to speak directly with OM and/or offer to do so by obtaining their phone number.
Offer to give SO your WW's friends so they might do the same as you just did. Encourage SO to confront your WW as well.

- If they live close to you, you can even go to the actual house to inform SO and/or confront OM (I did with OM2 and had no regrets). If possible, bring someone with you to hang back.
I was forced to go alone, but knew POS OM's are cowards.
* If you do not have the address, 99cents and a visit to Spokeo.com will fix that.
If you confront OM at house, I also suggest having your phone in hand with the video running.

As already mentioned in the exposure thread, once OM discovers he has been exposed, he will tell your WW... and likely fast.
She will be mad and will tell you that you are the bad person for outing and... hurting... them. (It's crazy but it will happen). Like mentioned in many other areas of this forum, just say "sorry you are upset" and drop it.

(In my circumstance OM1 was a three year affair, and died exactly 30 days after exposure)

I hope this helps you. Stay strong and confident and God bless.

* There were some trace elements in the months to follow, but I informed the other BS each time (whom I am still in contact with), and together we stopped those as well.

* OM2 was a 2 plus month affair and completely died in less than 2 weeks, after exposure and confronting OM in person.

Well, I told OM's Significant Other and showed her evidence, all hell broke loose. She went home, kicked OM out of her house. Then started exposing to everyone she knew. She then posted on her Facebook page. I asked her to take it down. I got through exposing to most of her family, but all friends already knew after SO was done. Word will spread across fast in our town. Everyone will know.

WW came home and that was interesting. As expected, she was pretty mad and still fogged out. I do not know if I handled her right, but did my best. I thought she was going to leave for a minute, but didn't. I think she was waiting for me to kick her out. Mostly fog babble that I had to ignore.

She immediately wanted to tell kids about divorce and tell them it was only because "we don't get along". She cornered 17yr old son. I don't know what she told him, but he came away upset and didn't want to talk about it anymore. I am thinking she was gaslighting him and it made him upset. I don't know. Seems like she damaged him. He's pretty smart, and he sometimes sees through her BS better than me.

Significant Other told me that she an OM heard about rumor of WW sleeping with the student. Evidently, OM thought she was easy, and pursued her through Facebook Messenger. She was easy for him.

SO said he is on probation with 5 DWIs and he had broken probation so she was going to turn him in and send him to jail. He's a serial cheater as well. Not sure if he had been caught.

WW is still in love with OM, so I expect her to still pursue him, but their affair took a serious blow. I suspect WW will continue affair but hide it. WW continues to threaten me to stay away from her family. She couldn't spin the affair. I made sure they knew I had irrefutable proof.

WW's mother did chew me out for spying and for mass exposure. She understands that WW has issues but wanted to make sure I took blame. She yelled at me that everyone in town is going to know her daughter is a whore and my kids were going to find out.

It was pretty wild.

Good job!! Do your kids know the facts about the affair? As in, the full name of the OM and the fact that you have the evidence?

I would not have asked the SO to take down her FB exposure. There is no reason she can't expose the affair on her facebook page.

Good job!!

17 yr old knows everything. 13 yr old doesn't have name but I will be giving it to him.

SO put up another post on Facebook. It is a little more appropriate than yesterday and it get's the point across. Here's the post.

"Well there is alot on my mind facebook friends!! I've never understood what makes a person want to cheat with another when they have someone who is loyal and willing to go to hell and back with them. Love isn't just 3 little words. It's a lifetime of actions. My heart is in so much pain even though I'm not surprised but I thought XXXXX and I were in the better part of our life and that we had already conquered hell. I'm really not sure what to do. I wasn't prepared for this. Who ever is? So here I am 40 years old and lost. XXXX XXXXXX it's not fair what you have done to me. I guess I got you where you needed to be and this is how you repay me."

WW just called and I didn't answer, I had some exposure to complete this morning. So, it's hitting her hard right now. I'm sure she thought she could weather the storm yesterday thinking that it was going to stop.

Good, I would speak to the 13 yr old asap so he is fully informed.


I am surprised you are scrutinizing the posts of a devastated woman. She is within her rights to post whatever she chooses. What did she post that you deemed so inappropriate?

Melody - I probably did that wrong. I just thought that since exposure was usually done with private messages, I didn't think the facebook post was the right way to expose.

I understand. I think it is a great way to expose. The reason we tell ppl to do it in private messages is to ensure that people get the message. If it is on someone's timeline, many of their friends never see it.