Aww, thanks Belle, I truly hope I will be able to screen out bad apples next time and meet my hero!

Of course he tries to mess up my emotions

He texted me a picture of a nice expensive looking watch and asked "do you like my new watch?"

What the #@&*

I know, I should not have responded. But I was genuinely offended by this. Is he living in a La la land?? Normally (and I'm sure he was expecting me to respond the way I normally do) I would say something like "that looks nice, what's the occasion" or "beautiful watch" or some sort. But I just replied "nice to have $$$"

He immediately responded saying "you would know". Is he picking a fight??? I did not respond to that. Then he sent me a series of texts:

"...and besides, I do not have anyone to worry about anymore (as if he used to financially take care of me... so I did not respond either)

then

"And I don't need to buy this!" with a picture of a gorgeous diamond ring (looks like he was in a jewelry store, so the picture of the watch must have been taken there as well)

What the #@&*

I did not respond.

then

"Sorry, just a little hurt at this point"

I did not respond.

"Walking around Vegas with all the couple's holding hands does not help"

I reminded him that he had 5 years but never proposed (I know, I should have kept quiet) and he said it would not have mattered since my son disapproves it anyway.

I think he wants me to feel sorry for him and believes that he was just about to propose me when he learned that my son dislikes him and he had to give up on the idea.

Time to change your number.

That was my setback... focusing on my son's school selection now to keep my mind off.

You need to change all your contact information? Are you going to do this?

You keep saying you know you should not have responded, yet you repeatedly did. Why?

I only have one cell number (no home phone) and can't change this, as I use it for my work, my son's school, medical, emergency contact, security company, everything. I'm also in the middle of potentially buying a property and my number has been used for all the legal documents, so changing it now is probably not a good idea.

I responded because I was very disturbed by his casual "what do you think?" text.... I was shocked at myself how upset I was when I sensed the tone of 'business as usual' in his text, after all these weeks. Maybe I wanted to clarify that the whole thing happened NOT because one day I decided I did not love him but because of his past actions (or no actions) and that he should have thought about this before it got to this point...., although I was not consciously thinking like that. It was more of a 'reaction' to the surprise casual text.

This guy is a complete jerk, very selfish and completely took advantage of you during your entire relationship.

Why do you even care what he thinks, says or feels? Move on and block his number or change all your contact info.

If you're adamant in not changing your number (which is an excuse as you can always change it if you really wanted to) then you can block his number through your carrier. He won't be able to text or call you if you do this. Sorry to seem harsh but trust me its for your well being. He is stringing you along because he knows he can and you continue to let him affect you negatively. He even caused you to lose another relationship you were trying to build. Even thought that's probably for the best because you are not ready to begin dating in all honesty. You need time to heal so that you can build a meaningful relationship.

I am going through some of Dr. Harley's letters, and stumbled upon this under "Preparing for Marriage":

"...if you don't see the ability to meet your need while you date, chances are, you will not have that need met after marriage. Those who are moody during courtship, can be even more moody after marriage. Those who have a difficult time being affectionate during courtship, often express affection rarely after marriage. Those who don't talk much before marriage, talk less after marriage."

That's something I used to think before I got myself in some messy situations. That's something I used to TELL my friends who were debating whether they should not marry their boyfriends... Wow, and I was actually thinking (or desperately and unrealistically hoping) xBF would change for better.....

That�s what I love about reading this stuff. Loyalty is for folks worth being loyal to. All my relationships got better, with family and at work, the more I read here. And did you know there�s a parenting book too?

Thanks NewEveryDay for the input. No, I don't think I am aware of his parenting book.

I did however read his letters about and suggestions to making the stepfamily work. It says it is very difficult, as parents tend to side with their children and the usual rules do not apply. In such case, he recommends living separately. Even for a couple who made the commitment to stay together, when step children are involved, it is extremely difficult and Dr. Harley recommends that husband and wife live separately with own kids. Of course it did not work for me, where we were not even officially committed and also that he had never raised kids himself.

But that's not what you are referring to, correct? I will do some research on his book about parenting. I do need that!

P.S., I can't find my new Keurig - if my xBF also took it with him, I'm going to kill him! I bought that one!

I have to remain calm, but to keep finding out there are lots of missing items is VERY upsetting. I looked around but could not find it, so the chances are, he took it when he left. I don't want to be at the same level as him, and am trying so hard to not let this severely affect me, but it's hard. I let him stay at my house for free for five years, cleaned and cooked for him, and this is how he paid back. What, just because we broke up?? I had NEVER EVER had this bad breakup. No breakups are easy, but all other guys remained reasonable.

Can't believe anyone can be this jerk and cheap and all about how he can smooch off $$ from others. What did his parents teach??? I know his dad was a jerk (well I never met him but he apparently had very bad temper, regularly cursing and being verbally abusive, and he also never provided any tender and kind love - xBF and his brothers all have the same trait). His brother who was married had a terrible marriage (now his wife is dead), the other brother and xBF had never been married or in long term relationships (except our 5 year). I should have realized that it's a HUGE red flag! This is why it's important to look at your significant other's parents/family too, as how they are say A LOT about your partner.

Sorry for venting, but it hurts so much to face that I was with someone who can do this. I do not have the ability to sniff the bad apples. I always made excuses for others and tried to look at the 'good' sides but they do not appreciate that, being nice to others means you get used and taken advantage of.

Here is some good reads and radio clips on blended families. Blended Families

Thanks BrainHurts. It is a bit discouraging how difficult it is to make blended families work.... But then again, who said life is easy

Took my son to the Sat evening mass. The pastor talked about how people get frustrated, upset, sad, or unhappy. It's the gap between expectation and reality. So true. The wider the gap, the more upset/disappointed/unhappy you will be. This is exactly what I have gone through with any relationships, really. Even ones with my son, parents, friends, co-workers. I have certain expectations, and when they are not met, whether because I have unrealistic expectations or because I do not communicate them clearly and thus people do not know what they are expected of, I feel very sad, upset, betrayed, disappointed, and unhappy. What I can control is to make sure my expectations are realistic, and to communicate my expectations.

One positive update: I did find my coffee maker. Thank goodness! Not so much for the coffee maker itself, but the fact xBF did not steal it from me, made me feel so much better, beyond words. I have troubles hating someone completely, and I hate having very dark and ugly feelings. They weigh me down. I was praying today at church to lift such dark feelings, and I feel like my prayers were answered. I am not sure if this is again my usual 'making excuses for x, but I am glad he was not as jerk as I decided he was this afternoon.

I am having good days and bad days... Today may be one of those bad days

When I am facing some stressful situations (right now my stress is coming from my property search and my son's school related issues), I just wish I could lean on someone else, and that is when I miss having a BF. I have been a single mom for over 10 years, and I am getting old and tired , and sometimes I just wish I could share some of my burden with someone else. When my son was younger, while child raising might have been physically more demanding, mentally it was much simpler and easier, and I did not feel this overwhelmed. I know that my xBF was not really providing anything solid other than empty words, so other than his 'hugs' and words, it wasn't like he would have helped me, but right now I feel even those may provide some relief to my stress.

On the positive side, it has been quite comfortable and easy to maintain my household without his junk (he believes in keeping everything) everywhere, and the amount of laundry I need to do is so much less that it is saving me lots of time. I also love the fact I do not have to worry about receiving SOS texts from my son regarding xBF when I am not around. My son seems to have less problem listening to me since xBF left. My guess is that (1) he has less stress in his life without xBF and thus less irritable, (2) he can be himself and is happier, (3) instructions are coming from me, rather than xBF (or he does not have to second guess whether they were originated by xBF but I am just conveying the message), and he does not have to resist me.

Nothing really to update... things are becoming a bit easier and I am used to not having xBF around, but still I often feel lonely and discouraged. I do not believe I am missing him as a person, but am missing having someone around and not having to go out to find another partner.

When I look around or do some research on relationships, the findings consistently point to the difficulty of making 'blended family' work. On both ends, it is difficult to deal with someone else's kids you did not raise. Mine will leave the house in a few years, which will presumably make dating much easier, but (1) I do not think I am willing to wait for another 3 years before dating someone, and also I do not wish to date someone who does not want to eventually marry, (2) it does not mean that I can be with anyone - he still need to be at least warm and friendly toward my son.

I just can't imagine guys who are not planning on using women - why would they want to marry at this juncture of life? It is not like we are going to have babies now. They certainly would like to have girlfriends, but do they need to get married? If I try to find a man who is willing to marry, am I ultimately finding people like xBF who likes to benefit from a women?

Are you going out and doing things with friends and family? What about going to some meetup groups? Keep yourself busy and take care of yourself and the time will help you heal.

Candy_Crusher, don't judge all men based on your experience with your xBF. From what you describe, your xBF wasn't even a renter, and was a complete freeloader. That would be like me deciding all women are like my STBXWW. I understand that after what you've experienced, it is difficult to trust. Many men are out there looking for a meaningful relationship, with a goal of a romantic and loving marriage. They're out there, you should make it your goal to filter out the freeloaders. Raise your standards, substantially, you deserve MUCH better!

Candy how about setting a time aside for you and your family to make amends for investing so much in that abuser. Like Brainhurts said take some time in friendships and family with non users so you know what that feels like so you have some basis of comparison later on. Right now if you compare someone to your abusive user of an ex everyone will look like jumping into a relationship with. You deserve better! Raise the bar! The house isn�t on fire take your time.

Thanks BH, I am trying to keep myself busy. Work and my son's school situations have been keeping me very busy but also causing some stress, and when I am in a stressful situation, I long for a partner's shoulder, so it's kind of a vicious cycle. I continue to enjoy my weekly dance classes (I take 3 lessons a week) though, and during the lessons I do not think about anything else so that's my soul cleansing time