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Hello all and thank you in advance for your help and advice.
I'm the BS, we are both in our mid 40's, married for 16 years, 3 children ages 15 to 7.
D-Day was January of this year, WW admitted to OM when asked in March. Workplace affair.
I have heard everything from we are done,ILYBINILWY, i want to move forward, and, I want a D. I realize now that I was in the marriage fog for many years, physically present but not there mentally or emotionally. She tried so many time to reach out to me and I would stonewall. I love my wife and am beside myself thinking of how alone I made her feel in our marriage. I have made the mistakes of begging and pleading, it is very hard to not try and reach her. I have been working on myself and reading a lot, thank you MB and Dr Harley for your books. We are separated and have contact only to discuss children and house. I have been all over the forums on MB and am asking for support.
I have read the exposure thread many times and have evidence of ongoing affair.
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Joined: Apr 2001
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Hello GWN, welcome to Marriage Builders. Did you want to try and save the marriage?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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OP
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Yes that's all I think about.
Thanks
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Yes that's all I think about.
Thanks I would begin with the exposure thread and start putting together a plan. The affair has gone on for a long time, but that will give you the best chance at saving it. Is the OM married? If so, does his wife know yet? Have you read the Exposure 101 thread linked in my signature? Did you have any questions?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Also, can you tell me what you have done so far to try and save this? What do your kids know?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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OM is divorced, kids know there are adult problems with mum and dad but not much else.
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OM is divorced, kids know there are adult problems with mum and dad but not much else. How very morally confusing for your kids!  Did they ask the hell is an "adult" problem? Not even an adult would know the meaning of that so I can imagine their confusion. That is not helpful to them at all. Did you read through the exposure thread?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Too true!
I have been trying to tell and show her I have woken up and have changed.
I have been more involved with the kids and the household.
I have also asked her to end the affair.
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What is your exposure plan? Who is on your exposure list?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Too true!
I have been trying to tell and show her I have woken up and have changed.
I have been more involved with the kids and the household.
I have also asked her to end the affair. That's nice, but it will take much more than this. Did you read the exposure thread? Are you reading my posts? And if you agree with me about telling the kids lies, what is your plan to rectify that?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I have been trying to tell and show her I have woken up and have changed.
I have been more involved with the kids and the household. The main problem is her affair, though. Nothing you do will have any effect until you bust up her affair. Your best option at killing the affair is to expose it.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I have read the exposure thread and your posts. Thank you BTY.
Her parents and siblings, friends and her work are on my list.
Family and work is easy for me it's the exposing to friends that bother me.
What do you mean by "it will take more than this"
Will read exposure thread again.
Thanks MelodyLane.
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Have you add the OM's family and friends to your list? Have you looked at his facebook page?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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No Facebook page and don't have much more than just his name.
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Her parents and siblings, friends and her work are on my list. What about your kids? If they don't know about the affair, they need to be added to this exposure list. What about your parents? How long has OM been divorced?
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No Facebook page and don't have much more than just his name. OM's family, at the very least his parents is CRITICAL. I would do whatever you could to locate them.
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Kids are defiantly on the list, only me on my side, no relatives.
Don't know how long OM has been divorced or anything else unfortunately, just OM's name. Any suggestions on getting more on him?
Thanks SusieQ, love you name BTY.
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GWN, how do you know he is divorced? What do you know about him?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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GWN, it is important that you get more information about the OM.
What have you done to find out more information about him? Since this is a workplace affair, can you get information from the company directory? Have you tried to find info on the internet?
I am assuming you heard that he was divorced from you WW. You do realize that she has every reason to lie to you about this don't you?
Do not share any information with your WW about exposure. Do not ask WW about OM, she is just going to lie to you.
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WW told me- I know I know.
Did some googling found out where he lived and guessing divorced about a year ago based on home sale.
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