Well I was hoping to get ideas here but looks like I'll have to get the ball rolling. I feel I'm fighting an uphill battle to save my marriage. but I've come to realize that to rebuild this marriage I have to 1st win my wifes heart again. So hard as it is I don't push (sometimes) and I just give small but sincere compliments. And we sit on the same couch on saturday nights and watch a video. Just like first dates all over again. And always I assure her I love her. So what do you all do?

12 months after hubands affair, 6 months of knowing about it.... We are doing alot more family week-end things, and we play the play station together... Tomb Raider our favorite!!!!<p>during the i did not know what was going on phase of our problem, i bought him the latest Tomb raider game and that was the only thing that we did together that did not cause hurt feelings and a fight (this was during our seperation) and he would come to see the children and would stay over on the couch... he would not come in our room, would not make love, but we could ply tomb raider and have a good time no pressure, no question, just a good time. <p>Now 6 monthes into recovery, we are doing well he is home, he is in our bed, he is making love deposets and we are taking it slowly.
good luck every body!

I have several ways of making things new again, or at least keeping things interesting. Two kids and five years later, things aren't perfect but we still plan to grow old together, so it can't be totally wrong heh.. (I'm not the most romantic individual - my husband is much more sentimental than I (openly) am, in fact, so I've tended to gear my affection to his needs rather than what I expect. So...)<p>1. Notes, little surprise notes. I've done this in lots of different ways - slip a note into my husband's lunch box telling him nothing more than "I love you", or sometimes I say what exactly I am loving about him at that point. I've picked a flower from the yard and wrapped a love note around the stem, leaving it on his placemat at the dinner table for him to find later. I've written poetry (or typed someone else's poetry) and slipped it into his jeans pockets after folding the clean laundry. Just little bitty unexpected stuff like that - not often, not regularly, enough for a sweet but occasional surprise. Nothing he could expect or start to take for granted. <p>2. The notes thing a bit differently - sometimes I'd slip him suggestive and/or lewd notes when he was unable to respond to them at the time. For instance, I once gave him a note that read "I'm not wearing any panties" while he was talking to his boss on the phone. (He still has that note for some reason.)<p>3. Oh - one of my favborites was THE DATE. This one was particularly good. We were living together, and things were starting to get dull. So I created an invitation on the computer to a special Dinner Date for Two at HOME, coat and tie sort of formal affair, and gave the invite to him on a Monday (the date was for Friday). That gave him most of the week to anticipate the date. That Friday, he was forced to stay upstairs from 5:30 until 8pm while I got dressed (evening gown, heels, makeup, pearls, the whole shabang) and cooked the kind of meal I never make - baked seafood spaghetti with mussels, clams, scallops, shrimp - all the stuff he likes. Had the candlelight dinner for two with soft music playing in the background when he was finally able to come downstairs to 'pick me up' for dinner. And every time he asked what it was about, why the fancy dinner, etc., I just told him it was because he was worth it to me, and more.<p>4. I made a CD of a bunch of the love songs he equates us with.<p>start with little things!
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Hi<p>I will never forget a suggestion. A co-worker of mine did for his wife. i have since implemented it with my H and had great success. A scavenger hunt. After your spouse comes home from work set the mood. At the door post the first clue. Have them go to various parts of the house. (ie for Go to the most cavernous part of the house. Here you will find the second clue in an appliance that much discussion about replaceing has arisen.) The dryer. Have clues hidden all over the house. Perhaps have them pick up a bottle of wine in the fridge. and turn on the stereo to a carefully selected CD. you get the idea. Be adventureous. Have them strip to each clue and you can be the final clue [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Good Luck<p>Perdu

I put little notes in his vehicle in the morning before I leave for work...Also, have put CD's in his vehicle, to the track I want him to hear....<p>I have left him cards in his vehicle for when he gets to his truck after work...<p>Little things make a difference....he's responding to them now, with things he's doing for me...

Left a message on her Cell phone, played a few seconds of " I just called to say I love you" A silly song, but she said it made her smile.

a great way to spend some time without the pressure is do a puzzle together. buy one with a scene you might like to be in with her together someday, like an ocean or paris, to let her know you are counting on a future together.make her a cassette or cd,of songs that say to her what you might like to say but cannot for fear of pushing.give these to her with a note or invite to spend time together.

One idea that I got from a co-worker a while ago is to send cards through the mail. This can be to your own house or to her/his work. Another thing that I tried recently but haven't got to work yet is to write our names in a heart on the window of the bathroom after I take my morning shower. Of, course this will have to be followed up with a promise to do some window washing later [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] . A couple of weeks ago I colored(sp?) an I LOVE YOU! on a piece of paper and planted it in her briefcase after she had gone to bed. I also think that planning the "Dates" is a great thing to be doing. If only I were a little more confident about doing it and trusted her sometimes weak ability to follow. Many thanks to those that have responded before me. I agree that there is nothing like uninterrupted time together.

I posted this idea a year or two ago, but I started warming my H's towels in the dryer while he was showering. Soon I was also getting warm towels. For a while we put the towel in the microwave, but I burned way too many towels like that so we stick with the dryer.<p>I also put love notes in his lunch or in his car. Sometimes when I'm running late a use a permanent marker and just draw a smiley on the plastic sandwich bag.<p>I've sent cards to his office as suggested above and he enjoys that. I've also sent him balloon bunches to the office saying how proud of him I am.<p>Here's a good one, I bought little red heart confetti and put quite a few of them in his rolled workout socks. When he is in the locker room changing and he unrolls the socks the hearts scatter. He said he felt very loved and his coworker was very impressed and envious!<p>I read on this site last year about getting a bunch of balloons and making little love notes to put in each balloon. I filled the floor in our master bathroom with these balloons with notes and said he had to sit on the balloon to pop it to get his note. It took him almost a week to pop all the balloons. It was a lot of fun for us both!<p>I love greeting my H at the door when I hear his car pull up. I'll hide so when he opens the outside door the inside door opens "magically"!<p>When my H gets up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom I like to quickly undress so he is pleasantly surprised when he crawls back into bed and feels my skin when he snuggles up behind me!<p>When I set the table for dinner I put little notes under everyone's plates (kids and H). I'll tell them how special they are to me or I'll tell them how proud I was for something that happened that week.<p>Okay - I know there's more I can add, but I'll save that for another day! [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Have fun!! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]

This is an old idea worth repeating: you can buy an 'anti-fog' product at the auto supply store. The intended use is to prevent the inside of your windshield from fogging. Use this product to 'write' a message on the bathroom mirror. (I used a paper towel over my fingertip to make heart shape.) When your spouse steps out of their shower, the message will appear in the misted over mirror!<p>Keep this in mind: the effect lasts a long while. I wonder what the new owners of our old house thought of the idea!<p>'Thinking of you' cards can be simply that, but they are appreciated. My wife usually packs her bags a day or two in advance so it's usually easy for me to sneak a card into her luggage. On her most recent trip she packed while I was at work then picked me up enroute to the airport (where I would see her off). She commented later that she searched for my card and was disapointed to not find one. (I mailed one instead...)

RECOVER * REFOCUS * REGENERATE ~ BREATHE * RELAX love this saying -<p>[ January 27, 2002: Message edited by: very happy ]</p>

Anyone care to explain why housework is so exciting for men, I'm tired of spilled drinks, no weekend plans, no time to talk in the evening and boring vacations with his younger pushy sister.<p>Have you ever asked your H that question, VH? Have you ever told your H how you feel about all that you mention (esp. the younger pushy sister)?<p>I wish you success in your new career!<p>RECOVER * REFOCUS * REGENERATE ~ BREATHE * RELAX love this saying -<p>Thanks! Easier said than done at times, though.<p> [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Thanks free to be me. I'm working on it<p>[ January 27, 2002: Message edited by: very happy ]</p>