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Welcome to MB. This would be a fantastic question to write to Dr. Harley.

Like the title says, my (34m) spouse (32f) is becoming increasingly religious (Christian). We were both raised in the Church but walked away as teenagers. Of course, we bonded over many things, but that shared experience of getting out was a part of it.

Suddenly, she has started praying again and listening to gospel music in the house, primarily Kanye’s Jesus is Born (which I’m also not a fan of that Nazi).

I love my wife, and the marriage is otherwise good. Back story on me is that growing up in the Church was the darkest and most traumatic part of my life for a variety of reasons, especially as a queer, trans person. All of this immediately takes me back to the worst moments of my childhood and teenage years.

I don’t want to deprive my wife of something that makes her happy, and I have nothing against people being religious. However, this is a deal breaker, so I’m not sure how to navigate a conversation because ultimatums don’t lead to healthy discussion.

How do I bring up my feelings?

There is nothing more annoying than living near neighbors who constantly check up on you to interrupt your comfort zone. You should seriously consider holding more private discussions inside your house or expressing clearly that you need space. Creating boundaries makes your relaxed environment much more enjoyable even though it may feel uncomfortable at first.

"Growth isn't always loud. Sometimes it’s the quiet moments where nothing seems to change, but everything is shifting inside."

I like this one because it feels true to how things actually work. We expect growth to be big and obvious, but sometimes it’s the quiet, unnoticed stuff that really makes a difference in the long run.

Sometimes, when you’ve been together for a while, it’s easy to lose that attraction. Maybe try focusing on reconnecting emotionally first, doing something new together. If porn or past issues are part of it, addressing them might help too.