I'll just say that I don't understand why you have replied to a thread where the original poster posted twice, nearly 5 years ago, and never came back.

Well, that might be all you have to say about that, but the posters on this board might have more to say. From where I'm sitting, it looks as if that affair contributed to your abandoning your first marriage.

And now you are here:
What was going on to make her assume you were done? That's a very odd conclusion for one spouse to come to when the other spouse thinks there is nothing wrong. How can there be two such radically opposing views by the spouses in the same marriage? Has she ever expanded on what she meant - on what made her draw this conclusion?

And why, if she thought you were done, was she so ready to be "done" herself? Did she ever try to talk to you about what was making you unhappy (as she saw it)? Did she do anything, that you can now look back on and recognise, as trying to improve the marriage?

If she was only looking to make friends, why did she go on a dating site? Dating sites are for people looking for sex or looking for romantic relationships. If she arranged a date with a man that she met on such a site, what was her explanation to him when he tried to do what those sites are there for, and she wouldn't play? I can imagine that many men would be quite angry about being deceived. That would be like arranging a meet-up with someone from a games board to play a game together, and then on the date her admitting that she doesn't like gaming at all. That would not go down well if she wasted someone's time like that. But then again, if she had 3 dates with 2 different men, then one of the dates led to a further date. Why and how did that happen?

If, as she says, she was only looking to make friends, did she make friends with these men, and if not, why not?

As you can probably see from my questions, I think you've accepted what she said far too easily, and that her explanations would not stand up to proper scrutiny.

Finally for now: how could she have been on any dates, never mind 3, without your knowledge? Did she make up stories about where she was going? Were you living lives detached from each other?

Thank you so much

Full article here: When should an affair be exposed

Do you have a copy of Buyers, Renters and Freeloaders to give to her?

Long time no see! Looks like it’s been about 12 years since I last posted. Finally, 12 years out, the drama has stopped. WWxW stayed with the POSOM until he croaked a crappy, protracted painful death in winter of 2021. I was remarried to the woman I started dating during my last post in 2012. We are still going strong. A lot has happened, and everything WWxW had continued to do from 2012 to 2021 was always in the best interest of POSOM. Not her, not the kids. Here’s a quick run down of the drama. That’s what happens when a massive alcoholic is running things in your house.

- spring 2013, judge held WWxW in massive contempt of court for enrolling the kids out of state in school. He “punished” her with placement. So, no more 50/50 shared. The judgment was like a bad ending to movie out of left field. Crazy. Basically, since I work, WWxW did not, the kids are with her.
- Summer 2014, WWxW is arrested for hitting POSOM, WWxW files a PFA stating POSOM is raging, violent alcoholic. Of course, it goes to court, and the two of them blame the cop for exaggerating and both their cases are dismissed. This is incident # 2 that I know of where one of them is arrested for a DV incident and the cop lied.
- Winter 2017, adolescent DS15 at the time is lashing out at POSOM. Of course, WWxW and POSOM decide to put DS in a mental hospital for his safety, also, they happen to tell intake that I have a history of molesting the kids. (This is now PA, I’ve stayed in DE). They fail to mention that all their claims have been fully investigated by DE, and our judge already told DE CPS that any claims by WWxW have to hit his desk before CPS can investigate because of WWxW’s history..
- What this does is prevent me from seeing DS or talking to staff. They know I’ll show them the multiple DV reports filed by WWxW.
- a couple of weeks after he is released, I get a call from POSOM to come pick up DS. WWxW is out of town for some reason. He’s acting out. I live 90 minutes away, it’s the middle of a snow storm. I ask POSOM why he didn’t activate the crisis plan. He doesn’t answer
- We pick up DS, he’s missing a chunk of hair, he’s trembling. We make a police report, call PA CPS. POSOM convinces WWxW that it was all DS’s fault, they in turn convince the police and CPS not to file charges.
- We just got a new judge, our original judge passed away. This new judge is known as add another zero. She always punts litigation, never makes a decision, never upset status quo, and she dismisses our custody petition despite the evidence of DV. She believes WWxW that it’s always someone else’s fault.
- April 2018, a friend of DS asks how he’s doing after the fight, I ask her what fight? She says he and POSOM were in a fight and POSOM was arrested
- I sleuth, POSOM was arrested, he beat the [censored] out of WWxW, DS took a hammer to POSOM’s windshield and windows to distract POSOM from his mom, POSOM arrested, no contact order is in place, POSOM’s daughter who is a state trooper pays for a new apartment for him.
-June 2018 POSOM pleads guilty to lesser charges, WWxW and I are getting along fine, I’m thinking everything is OVER
-Labor day 2018, DS is acting out, I ask him what’s up, he says WWxW moved POSOM back in
- I file an emergency custody petition, we now have ANOTHER judge who is a hardliner
- Oct 1, 2018, I present my case, outline the history of DV. WWxW says POSOM is the loooovvvvveeeee of her life. NEVER addresses the DV in her house and says I’m a jelous BH. The judge is FURIOUS as WWxW.

The ruling:

- sole legal and physical custody to PSUBIKER
- WWxW has SUPERVISED visitation with the kids, no overnights

- I enroll kids in good private schools. DD thrives, DS struggles, he acts a lot like POSOM
- Fall 2019, DS is kicked out of private school for being a [censored]. Real reason is WWxW is blaming the school for his behavior, and says they need to change their ways. We’re not huge donors. We don’t have the big di#$ to swing around at the school
- I enroll DS in local school, not a very good school but only option. WWxW starts filing crap again. Blows up my email and voicemail with screaming rants, etc.
- I file a PFA, she loses, no contact with PSUBIKER for 2 years! Yipee!
- fall of 2020, POSOM has a massive aneurysm, and is in the hospital. He can’t talk, smoke, drink, and only eats through a tube. Lol!
- Since its COVID, the hospital tells WWxW that she can’t visit anymore due to COVID, or, she can just stay at the hospital, so, she stays in the hospital with POSOM. For 5 months. Never leaving. Has to quit her job. She nearly runs out of money and has her sister bring her food! She nearly loses her house. Doesn’t see the kids form5 months.
- DS is now 18, a senior, struggling in school, so, WWxW has him go to her house and take care of the horses for her. He’s 18, has his own car, is emancipated by state law. I can’t stop him. He somehow graduates high school.
- POSOM kicks the bucket in Feb 2021. The LOOOOVVVVE of WWxW’s life. ,
- DS finds a job in summer 2021 as an electrical lineman and takes off like an eagle. He gets involved in an unsuccessful union drive for his yard, the union notices him as smart, ambitious, and hard working, and ask him to join. He cleared 6 figures for 2023. He’s been to Florida for storm repairs, etc. He has his own apartment and is thriving. He’s still sarcastic, but he’s grown up a lot
- By this time, the kids are both free range, DD is 16, driving, and set her own schedule with WWxW. The PFA expired, and WWxW is a completely different person
- we are at a pre homecoming get together in fall of 2021 and WWxW introduces me to her new BF. She knew him from college, professional. According my Dear Wife, WWxW is dating me again! Lol What happened with wanting to be with a horse person? He’s a good guy, a little nerdy, but, WWxW is happy for the first time since she met POSOM.
- WWxW let’s me handle the college process for DD
- March 2023, DD receives an appointment to the Naval Academy! If POSOM was in the picture, no way DD would have gotten an appointment. Losers beget losing. WWxW is enthusiastically on board, her BF now fiancé was enlisted for Gulf War 1 and paid for college on the GI Bill.
- May of 2023, WWxW goes up to my wife and thanks her for being a good mother to DD when she wasn’t.
- Summer 2023, DD calls WWxW and I and wants to quit Naval Academy during Plebe Summer. We’re both on the exact same page and tell her she’ll be working at either WalMart or Amazon for six months while all her besties are posting their best college life on Instagram. DD decides to stay.
-October 2023, WWxW and mine Best Man comes to the Navy-AF game, Best Man had not talked to WWxW since before she met POSOM. He tells her you look and act exactly like the last time I saw you. She tells him she was mentally not well for a long time. It’s clear WWxW has worked on herself once POSOM died.

Naval Academy is its own drama and WWxW have been a United front for helping her navigate it. We get along great. I look back at what a total waste WWxW and her relationship with POSOM was. It came within a whisker of destroying me, mentally destroyed WWxW, DS was in a very rough period, and DD struggled too.

"Each time a woman stands up for herself, she stands up for all women" – Maya Angelou.