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In Recovery Jump to new posts
Re: Recovering 12 Years later broken2009 01/15/22 03:16 PM
Originally Posted by Prisca
The Harleys had some discussion about whether it was a good idea to get the full truth of the affair now. Dr.Harley thought it best to leave it all in the past and move on either by divorcing or by recovering the marriage. Mrs. Harley thought that getting the truth now, putting a time limit on the discussion, would be best. They came to agreement that, if your wife agrees, you could schedule a time to ask your questions and she would answer them truthfully. Then you would never bring it up again.

What do you think of Dr. Harley's advice here?

I believe his advice is spot on and WPG agrees. Recovery is what we both want.

Originally Posted by Prisca
When markos and I went to the Marriage Builders Weekend in 2010, we met Steve, Dr. Harley's son. Markos expressed regret for not following the Marriage Builders program in all the years we had known about it. Steve cut him off and told him to not second guess the decisions made in the past.

The important thing is to focus on the now. You made the decision to not follow MB in the past -- but you can follow it now. Do you want to?

Yes I have committed to this. We are working thru HNHN and spending UA time together. I know WPG biggest fear is that it won't last. That I will end up back in withdrawal again as she has told me. So I have to be consistent with my actions each day to gain her trust back that I will not retreat back behind that wall. That is what I am committed too.
14 393 Read More
Surviving an Affair Jump to new posts
Re: My husband says he’s not happy anymore... goody2shoes 01/15/22 05:21 AM
You are not delusional. You are the vicrim of an affair.

Every affair kind of follows the same steps. Once you get the hang of it, you recognize them. Read threads in this subforum, learn from others. Too many affairs are documented. Too many victims thought exactly what you think, the circumstances are special or different. Most affairs are garden variety affairs. Most affairs go underground after being found out if the affair partners are still in contact, like your husband and the other woman.

We don't want you to suffer any more than strictly necessary, hence the warnings. Recovering from an affair is hard enough when it stops right away, it is devastating. We are no experts, but Dr Harley is and most members on this board found out the hard way.

If the affair wasn"t physical (too often they were anyway), it will become physical if it goed underground after you discover ir. So please, for your own sake, stick around and do your research. I would hate it if you suffered more than you have already.
20 657 Read More
Surviving an Affair Jump to new posts
Re: Serial Cheating - Final Recovery Sought NewEveryDay 01/15/22 04:02 AM
Wonderful news writer!
39 944 Read More
Surviving an Affair Jump to new posts
Re: Insist on Reading Instagram Messages with OM ? SugarCane 01/15/22 12:23 AM
Originally Posted by Man in Dallas
To avoid getting into too much detail - 6 years ago I had a physical-only affair with a woman. I moved out of the house and said things were through (not because of the affair but because of how bad things were, the affair started after that). I didn't excuse or justify it. I came to my senses and told her everything asked for forgiveness even if she didn't want me back and ended up walking through all the steps of reconciliation and trust building (everything this site talks about and more).
I think you do need to to get into more detail about this. This seems to be a major reason why your wife thinks you owe her, and why she isn't too upset about what she has done to you. She hasn't got over what you did to her.

It might not be the affair in itself, when you were separated, that has changed her, but the fact that you left her. Why did you leave? Why did she let you return? Where did you live? How did you meet the other woman, and how did you end the affair? What do you mean by "walking through all the steps of reconciliation and trust building (everything this site talks about and more)"? What were the actual steps that you took? Has there been any contact with this woman since you returned home? For example, do you work with her?
Originally Posted by Man in Dallas
- she is saying 1) she understands why I want him out and 2) this was not that big a deal 3) God can make it work out 3) her brother and SIL don't want him gone so what can we do
It would be nice if her brother and SIL would get rid of him, but they have the right to lead their lies the way they want to. The rebuilding of your marriage is not conditional on his being exiled by them. If they won't show him the door, what you and your wife must do is avoid any situation in which she could come into contact with OM, which probably means not seeing her brother and his wife. Is your wife willing to do that?

Has she come into contact with him in his role as "embedded in the family" since the affair supposedly ended?
15 207 Read More
Surviving an Affair Jump to new posts
Re: Save my marriage. Is it too late for us? Urgent! WierdSituation 01/09/22 12:58 PM
Originally Posted by goody2shoes
Please focus on what is legally the smartest thing to do.

Do you have your evidence of her financial wrongdoings well organised and presentable?

Yes, I do have.
342 72,659 Read More
Surviving an Affair Jump to new posts
Re: 17yrs marr. - Infidelity with cousin Isaiah46.4 01/08/22 01:04 AM
Originally Posted by SugarCane
Originally Posted by Isaiah46.4
We've been through the checklist. He doesn't agree.
He doesn't agree with what? With any of it?

The exposure, the zero contact, the moving, the fact we may have to limit the amount of family gatherings we attend etc
7 245 Read More
Surviving an Affair Jump to new posts
Re: My husband had another affair writer1 01/07/22 11:05 PM
Originally Posted by BrainHurts
Here is the article that Dr. Harley talks about the galvanic skin response reader How to Negotiate When you are an Emotional Person

Thank you!
90 4,069 Read More
In Recovery Jump to new posts
Re: Unsure how to recover together NewEveryDay 01/02/22 04:08 PM
Also are you listening to the radio show daily? For me it really helps to stay encouraged. I don’t remember, do you have children? Because it improved my thoughtfulness in my parenting as well. And in checking in with myself that I am enthusiastic about agreements and not just “going along to get along” and becoming less and less compatible with my partner day by day. I hear that in your posts too, and I think tuning in would help you with that.
3 167 Read More
Operation Investigate Jump to new posts
How to successfully disable private browsing Here24Help 12/30/21 06:36 PM

As i have been working on safeguarding, I have implemented some that i would like to share with you all if you are concerned about your spouse or just found out.

FYI: I work in a Cyber Security/IT Administration related field. So if you have any questions, feel free to reply with them and i will try to help!

So if you want to disable private browsing/Incognito mode or remove the option to delete browsing history in Internet Explorer, Edge, Chrome, or Firefox(can only block incognito, can't disable history deletion in registry for Firefox) on your home computers/laptops, here is how you can do it.

**If you are doing this with the knowledge of your spouse, you will need to ensure you have the only admin account on the computer. All other accounts should only be users. Otherwise, if you are doing this in secret and only have one account on your home computers, it will likely be an admin. Your spouse will be able to change these if they are familiar with the registry.

Once you are logged in as the admin, you will want to right click the Windows start menu (Windows Logo) in the lower left corner and click on "Run". Type "regedit"

Then you are going to follow this path by clicking the drop downs in the following order:



copy and paste this in the upper bar on the window "Computer\HKEY_LOCAL_MACHINE\SOFTWARE\Policies\"

On the left hand side, you will see all the drop downs. When you have navigated to the policies folder, expand it and see if there is a "Google", "Mozilla" and a "Microsoft" drop down. If yes skip to the next step. If not, right click it and click "New" and then "Key". Do this three times, naming each one after each of those three folders (Google, Mozilla, and Microsoft). Now repeat within each of those, creating keys again but with the browser names ("Chrome" under Google, "Firefox" under Mozilla, "Edge" and "Internet Explorer" under Microsoft). Under Internet Explorer, repeat these steps again to make "Control Panel" and "Privacy" folders

It should look similar to this:

. .....v Policies
. .........v Google
. .............> Chrome

. ......... v Microsoft
. .............> Edge
. .............v Internet Explorer
. ..................> Control Panel
. .................. > Privacy

. .........v Mozilla
. .............> Firefox

Once you have created those four additional folders, you can create the "entries". You do this by clicking on the respective folders (Chrome, Firefox, Edge or Internet Explorer). Once you are in one of those folders, right click anywhere on the open white blank area in the middle of your screen and select "New" and then "D_WORD (32-bit) value"

Here are the following inputs you will make for each entry (each entry will include a "value name" and a "value data" blank). Each Value name/Value data will require a separate D-WORD entry:

--------------------------------------------------------- First D-WORD Entry ------------------------------------
In Chrome folder:

Value Name:

Value Data:
--------------------------------------------------------- Next D-WORD Entry ------------------------------------
In Chrome folder:

Value Name:

Value Data:
--------------------------------------------------------- Next D-WORD Entry ------------------------------------
In Edge folder:

Value Name:

Value Data:
--------------------------------------------------------- Next D-WORD Entry ------------------------------------
In Edge folder:

Value Name:

Value Data:
--------------------------------------------------------- Next D-WORD Entry ------------------------------------
In Control Panel folder under Internet Explorer:

Value Name:

Value Data:
--------------------------------------------------------- Next D-WORD Entry ------------------------------------
In Privacy folder under Internet Explorer:

Value Name:

Value Data:
--------------------------------------------------------- Next D-WORD Entry ------------------------------------
In Firefox Folder folder:

Value Name:

Value Data:

If this is the wrong place to post this thread, I apologize! Admins, please move to where it is supposed to be smile

Good Luck all!
0 119 Read More
Surviving an Affair Jump to new posts
Re: Wife's Affairs and She wont come clean SugarCane 12/29/21 08:01 PM
Linc, did you watch the video that markos linked for you? Did you also read through the information he provided?
3 375 Read More
In Recovery Jump to new posts
Re: Wife's Family is Attractive, Should I Cut Them Out BrainHurts 12/28/21 08:29 PM
Email your questions to Joyce Harley at mbradio@marriagebuilders.com. When your email question is chosen to be answered on the radio show, you will be notified by email directing you to listen to the broadcast. If you would like to consider being a caller, include your telephone number. You will receive a call to explain the procedure.
3 104 Read More
Surviving an Affair Jump to new posts
Re: This is Ggrant’s wife, and things are not good Ariel 12/27/21 08:41 PM
Post moved to your thread. Please do not post on your wife's thread.
5 313 Read More
Prayer Requests Jump to new posts
Merry Christmas! markos 12/25/21 05:07 AM
Merry Christmas, Marriage Builders! You guys are all in my prayers!
0 66 Read More
Surviving an Affair Jump to new posts
Re: Needing some objectivity on Plan A markos 12/23/21 10:24 PM
Originally Posted by SugarCane
Also, what does the neighbourhood tennis club know about his involvement with the mother of the kids he coached? Such a man is a predator. What are they doing to get rid of him?

This is a good question.
13 740 Read More
Surviving an Affair Jump to new posts
Re: This is Ggrant’s wife, and things are not good Here24Help 12/22/21 04:18 PM
We’ve gone over the Love Busters content a bit, and are pretty familiar with it. But admittedly we could probably know more!
19 974 Read More
In Recovery Jump to new posts
Re: My own story markos 12/22/21 01:21 PM
Originally Posted by goldenyears
Thirteen years ago, I too could have walked away; but I didn't because of some great advice from a MB member. She told me to think about all I'd be giving up at age 63. She reminded me that we had spent many happy years raising our children and preparing for our golden years, which seemed forever tainted at that point. My husband was truly devastated to see the pain I was going through; he promised to spend the rest of his life trying to make up for what he had done. We did the hard work, talking, evaluating, and attending the MB workshop. Today we are both so grateful for the life together that we salvaged. My life seemed to be falling apart in December 2008, but today we love each other the way we always envisioned that we would when we married 55 years ago.

That's beautiful!
350 179,981 Read More
Marriage Builders 101 Jump to new posts
Re: Married 41 years and missing something to. Prisca 12/20/21 05:35 PM
I get feeling sad about things that happened or did not happen in the past. I feel that too, sometimes, when I think of the "lost years," as we have come to refer to them. So many lost opportunities for happiness in our early marriage, and when our kids were young.

BUT ... the solution to happiness is not in the past. It's done. It's over. There's no changing it. The solution is in the present -- what you do now to change the now so that you can find happiness today and in the future.

The marriage you can build now will more than compensate for the neglect and disappointments in the past.
32 1,430 Read More
Surviving an Affair Jump to new posts
Re: New Information From My Wife’s Affair 6 Years Ago happyheart 12/20/21 05:19 PM
This must be a very difficult time for you.
Have you found out any information? Is there a chance to listen in to conversations at work, e.g. if her phone is still on?
If he posted these pictures online without her consent, he can be liable for damages. I am sure that would get him: a. fired, b. depressed and c. broke if you took him to court.
20 827 Read More
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