I’ve been married for 21 years and caught my husband for the third time reaching out to woman social media. This time I noticed he’s following young woman on Instagram. I really thought we were gonna make it but once a cheater always a cheater I guess. He’s diabetic and has been telling me for years that he can’t have sex because of his illness but I’m thinking now that I’ve caught him trying to connect with woman on FB and Instagram I must have been naive to think he couldn’t’ have sex. I should have left after the first time I caught him and I wouldn’t be in this predicament. I just feel so alone and stupid for trusting him.

I know one man who required his wife get a polygraph exam, or a divorce. She agreed to take the exam. The day before, there was a major disclosure because he had also told her that if she didn't tell him everything before the exam, there would still be a divorce.

I have no idea how badly you want to know. Also your wife might not consent.

I have never been in your situation, but I was active in the early years of this form and saw many situations similar to yours. Some decided that their marriage seemed to be good now, so they would just live with it. Others felt like they needed to know the full truth, and it ate at them until they finally filed for divorce.

You're the only one that can decide how badly you want the information, and what you're willing to live with.

Many people both men and women have required that their spouse take a polygraph exam if they want to remain married. Some of the people who took the exam passed with flying colors. They had already told the complete truth. Some thought they could beat it, and their lies were revealed.
Some refused to take the exam and their partner divorced them because they figured they must be trying to hide something.

If your wife is lying to you, I doubt anything you say will convince her to tell the truth. Don't use ultimatums unless you're willing to follow through. Think about this carefully before you talk to her again. If you bring it up and she maintains her present stance, you'll be worse off mentally than you are now. When you do talk to her , you need to know how far you will go, and you can't bluff.

Many people in your situation have reported that they knew they could not recover their marriage unless they were sure they had the complete truth. If that is you, then you're going to have to figure out what you're willing to do about it.

I'm sorry you're in this situation, I know it hurts. I hope you find a resolution you can be enthusiastic about.

This is very good advice. A good tribunal advocate will read your case and make suggestions about how to improve it, where your testimony might not be helpful to prove your case, etc. Sometimes, the appointed advocate is not very experienced or helpful. In those cases, I suggest calling a tribunal office in a different diocese and request a call with a canon lawyer.

DJ = Disrespectful judgment
LB = Love buster

List of acronyms can be found here:
https://forum.marriagebuilders.com/.../acronyms-abbreviations.html#Post1984040

You've been flexible and cooperative, and it sounds like you're doing this with your daughter's best interests at heart. That says a lot about you as a father.
--------------

I'm really sorry you're going through this. What you’re experiencing—betrayal, heartbreak, the loss of a life you built over a decade—is deeply painful and confusing.
--------------------