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Not going to do a long rant, not not not.

But I think part of my problem may be the 1yr skids. I am trying not to let it affect me too much, not that it works that great, and it hasn't been helping that he has been shifting his schedule around the clock. Keeping in mind an almost 2-hr 1-way commute, his start times vary with no pattern from 3am to 6am to 7am to 3pm to 11pm, and he has been bouncing back and forth and back and forth. So he has been really grumpy, and hasn't even remembered any of the nice things that I have done. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

Yesterday morning:
Him (angrily): Well, when was the last time you even bothered to cook dinner???
Me: Last night.
Him: Oh yeah, well what did we have?
Me: Veggie burgers, made from scratch.
Him: Oh, wow - two burgers and some chips. ANYBODY could have done that!
Me: *silently* (gutteral growl) And how many people would have served you personally in your room, JUST LIKE ALWAYS??????? *aloud* I'm so sorry you didn't like that. It has always been a special treat for the rest of us, and I had no idea you didn't feel the same way. Besides, you have told me you want to lose weight, and asked that I prepare lighter meals to help you with that.
Him: Oh yeah? Well what about the night before that?
Me: That was the night you asked me to make those marinated and baked potato cubes with vegetable steaks. I asked, but you didn't want anything else.
Him: What about the night before that?
Me: That was the night you turned down the plate I brought you, containing Spanish rice, enchiladas, potato salad, corn, and garlic bread. You said your stomach was bothering you.

To his credit, he said he realized he had been mistaken, and must have been too tired to remember all this. It was the turning point of the day, and everything improved after that.

(That was far from the only issue - we each had things we were unhappy about, and rightfully so.)

So I started trying to channel my I-want-a-divorce thoughts into the slightly more neutral "No-wonder-more-than-half-of-people-with-sleep-apnea-get-divorced."

And even though I was still very cranky, he tried hard to make up for it with a nice lotion massage and other thoughtful attentions after the children went to bed.

I was so not in the mood for any of it, but I rubbed his feet and back with lotion, too, participated in the extracurricular activities with as much enthusiasm as I could muster, considering I was still a grouch and very tired from working too hard during the day.

All night long he kept me pinned right against him so I couldn't even scoot the the edge of the bed and pout after he went to sleep.

By today I have downgraded to lightly peeved, and won't even try to get away from him tonight. He is much better today too, after two nights in a row of sleep. (I'm so glad Mom is not thusly afflicted. She is just the same no matter how much or how little sleep she's had.)

Time to go start supper. He said again yesterday that he wants to eat lighter again so he can lose weight.

I think I'm going to start keeping a written log.


A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb



Neak's Story
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Speaking of dinner, I have yet to figure out how the OW magically had dinner hot and waiting when he walked in the door?

Did this really happen or was it a figment of his imagination a.k.a. foggy brain?

I have this image of her running to the microwave when he called saying that he was entering her neighborhood...

Oh my...

Men and their stomachs attached to their hearts...


I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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I have the feeling they ate out a lot. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />


A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb



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(I'm so glad Mom is not thusly afflicted. She is just the same no matter how much or how little sleep she's had.)

I'm not sure that came out as quite the compliment I hope you intended! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

t&l

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And he could lose an easy 25 pounds just by ditching the attitude! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

t&l

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If I were honest, I would admit I had an attitude, too. (Not a good one.) I had simply managed to get my 'baditude' back under control before the aforementioned conversation.

Notice I do not transcribe any of that, but do admit to it.


A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb



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If I were honest, I would admit I had an attitude, too. (Not a good one.)

Yabbut... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> Yabbut... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> There's a difference between his baditudes and yours. Since you put it out in the open I'm not going to pretend like you never get snarky with him. Certainly less snarky with him, however, than any normal human woman I've ever heard of, or known, would be able to do--and that includes your sister, and it includes me. If you had a "baditude," and said something you shouldn't have, it was because he had one first and pushed your buttons until he finally found one that "worked." When he has a baditude, he can work it/them up all on his own, and push his own buttons, too! I salute your patience. But I salute it from the other side of the lake, where Chief Grumpy is safe from my interference, my temptation to express my opinions directly, and my honking big club! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

t&l

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Ah yes, the difference between men and women...

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />


A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb



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Ah, yes, the difference between vague generalizations, and pithy specificity. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

t&l, the Pithed, and the Pithy


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For the Record: Mom is the same, wonderful, fuzzy, joy-bubbling, cheer-oozing person, no matter how much or how little sleep she has had. In case I wasn't specific enough before.

Well, I am a happy camper today. Last night AJ told me that he had grown concerned that a woman at work was becoming 'too friendly', and that he had spoken to her, and as tactfully as possible reminded her that he was married and told her to keep everything on a professional level.

In some ways, she reminds me a great deal of Gargamel(but a little older), meaning that she seems unable to have appropriate relationships with men.

She started back to work after a suspension for some very inappropriate behavior on-the-job and apparently tried to talk to AJ quite a bit, hoping for a sympathetic ear. He began to grow concerned over the last little bit when it seemed like she was singling him out for conversation, and also paging for him to come to her work area on official business, pretty flimsy business maybe, but not across any lines.

Then the other day she called to see if he was going to be at work, and when he showed up she was all dolled up <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> and still trying to talk to him. I was pleased that he had been observing the situation from the beginning, and that when she did that, he realized it was time to say something and put some extra distance there.

He also turned down her kind offer to let him stay at her place any time he needed somewhere to spend the night. He told her it wouldn't look right, since he was a married man.

HOORAY FOR AJ!!!! HE GETS IT!!!!!

Then he told me, which earned even more bonus points. (Ok, if you're being technical, he wouldn't have earned any points at all if he hadn't told me, since I wouldn't have known to give him any.)

So here we had a situation so much like the other: a reasonably attractive older woman from work, in distress because of the actions of an XBF, seeking sympathy and a knight in shining armor, trying to incorporate herself into AJ's time and life, trying to stir those manly impulses to rescue damsels in distress, undisturbed by the fact that he is married, but the difference is this time he did the right thing.

It doesn't make up for what he did the last time, but it makes me feel more comfortable about the future.

I had forgotten all this till just now, or I would have said something earlier this morning, but thinking about it makes me happy enough that I might actually stop cooking massive buffet-style meals (I have come to think of them as sarcas-meals), and cook more normally again.

Plus I am piling up too many dishes to wash.

*smack* So Self, stop pouting already and be thankful. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Given a few more weeks, I may even lose the urge to clobber him for the burger comment.

(Countdown: 5 more days...)


A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb



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For the Record: Mom is the same, wonderful, fuzzy, joy-bubbling, cheer-oozing person, no matter how much or how little sleep she has had. In case I wasn't specific enough before.

Now she is being sarcastic. And I didn't even get a buffet-style special meal for it, either! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

t&l

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Ok, so maybe there was a little sarcasm by the 'cheer-oozing' part, but you can still have a buffet-style meal. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />


A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb



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Ok, so maybe there was a little sarcasm by the 'cheer-oozing' part,

Oddly enough, it was the "joy-bubbling" that I thought was a bit over-the-top, since when I'm too tired I can't bubble anything before 212 degrees F. Hm-m-m-m-m-m. I was more insulted than I realized. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />


Good thing you have leftovers. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

t&l

Neak #1530982 06/27/06 01:53 PM
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Well, here is the much dreaded, much anticipated one year mark.

It has been neither stupendously wonderful, or terribly awful. (Ok, so it would have been a lot better if Neaksis and I were not having to deal with the aftermath of the fistfight at our Vacation Bible School last night. Other than that it's been fine... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />)

AJ has been very helpful and supportive with planning, and deciding how to handle this, even though he will have to be at work when it all goes down. So even the annoying part has given us a chance to work together, which is always nice.

No time to muse at this moment, which says a lot right there. But for the shorthand version, we are doing really well, my self-spawned discontent is subsiding, and I am even thinking that our anniversary will not be as horrible as I thought. It certainly won't be the deeply moving remembrance of sacred vows that it once was, but I don't think it will be the huge trigger I was expecting, either.

Oh, one last little note. Last night I found out from the bank that the cashier's check had simply expired. So when I get a round tuit I will just stick it in her account and be done with it. (Bwaaa, I just love the sound of that. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />)

Well, must dash. Even if I don't end up with any time to introspect, it is still important to me to mark this milestone.

Hooray for us! We are making it!

And thank you again to all my friends who helped make this possible.


A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb



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The good news is there were no more fisticuffs at VBS tonight. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

The bad news is the Dervish is still awake....again.

He did fall asleep before we got home, but the divas got into a squabble, Val yelled, and my poor exhausted troublemaker woke up.

Boy, am I tired!


A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb



Neak's Story
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Hi Neak.

I tend to analyze, theorize, and talk a lot.

Maybe I'll just talk a lot, but not the other two.

It's interresting to read your posts. I read much more than I reply. Sometimes I am between phone calls at work and can't take time, sometimes I just don't know what to say.

The fight part prompted a laugh from me. Now becasue of what was happening to you - it brought back memories of my years of working with boys in the Boy Scout organization. Memories........

I hope you get the rest you need. It is so difficult to come by when you are a mother with small children.

Perhaps that never changes T&L?

Neak, God loves you and cares about you. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
That is a wonderful thing.

SS


I think sometimes about all the pain in the world. I hope we can ease that here, even if only a little bit.
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Thanks for the reminder, SS. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Fighting children - whoop 'em all, lol!

The Dervish slept in until after 9, when I had him awakened. Wow.


A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb



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We had such a nice 4th of July that it's taken me this long to have a moment to write about it.

We went with a bunch of other people from church to our friends' house, swam, played, lit fireworks, and ate. AJ brought the BBQer and BBQd corn and veggie dogs/burgers for everyone.

The grand finale of the fireworks contained 100 mortar-style rockets that were supposed to be legal, but I suspect probably fell a little outside the "safe and sane: category. Somewhere around #75, AJ and I, standing by the pool, saw a tiny figure break away from the children and run frantically toward the house.

Once the Dervish saw that we were doubled over laughing at him, he started laughing, too, and pretended to have been so overcome with excitement that he just had to race at top speed to share it with us. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

I have never seen one little boy, even that little boy, eat as much watermelon in one night, as he did then. We had to stop and get oil for the car on the way home, and he woke up screaming and clutching him um self, so I had to carry him in to use the restroom in the middle of the night.

Little did I know that Neaksis was having to stop to allow her middle child to heave the remains of her gluttonous feast beside the road. By morning, her oldest would be sick, and by mid-morning, the youngest.

My princess woke up very very early in the morning to vomit, and when I got up, she was still wedged in beside the toilet with her blankie and pillow. Mr. Computer soon followed suit.

AJ and the Dervish still haven't gotten sick. That is why AJ took the Dervish camping last night (as had been planned for everyone), and I got to stay home with the barfing banshees. "BUT MOMMY, I HAVEN'T THROWN UP IN A LONG TIME! NOT SINCE 1 O'CLOCK!!!!!"
squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

So I have the next couple days to myself, relatively speaking, in which I might actually get the house cleaned up, if I don't get sick, too.

I don't think I am going to have any breakfast. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />


A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb



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Of course I have no idea what caused the illness in your family - but my W had it last week, and I had it yesterday. Not as bad for me, I was able to work, but I wished I was home in bed.

Today I'm feeling much better. I didn't eat yesterday, but today I am humgry again. Breakfast was a southwest omlette - and some sour cream/lemon pie. Mmmmm, some things go so well together.

SS


I think sometimes about all the pain in the world. I hope we can ease that here, even if only a little bit.
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NSYN- I don't think I've ever posted to your thread before,but I wanted to let you know I just finished reading your entire story. First, let me commend you, your family, and your FWH in all your efforts towards recovery.

Also, thank you for being such an excellent narrator. Had you been blessed with my skills in writing, I'm certain I would not have made it past page 6, even if the content was the same.

Your heroic efforts to save your marriage are remarkable. From the sound of it, your family and your faith have given you that strength, so I guess you are all very fortunate.

I also have a dervish, so I particularly enjoyed the passages with him--although I've never had to sleep across a motel door to keep dervish at bay. He'd find way too many things in the room to keep him occupied to ever think about leaving!

Congrats on reaching your milestone. Sounds like an event-filled 4th of July, too. Doesn't sound so much like gluttony as a good dose of run-of-the-mill food poisoning! So sorry!


Me:BW, FWH 1DD 1DS
Status: Chronicled in Dr. Suess's "The Zax"
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