I'm glad to come across a thread like this because I find myself in a similar situation. Though XH and I were only married 6 years (and separated for 1.5 of those years) we have a very amicable relationship. Our relationship continues because we have a 3 year old together. Otherwise I'd have nothing more to do with him. I wouldn't call him 'friend' yet as I haven't seen a true remorse - but I'm definately seeing evidence that he's coming further out of the fog and seeing the consequences of his choices to not work on our marriage and move in with the OW (having said that, his A ended approx 5 months ago - only weeks after our divorce!).

People don't understand my attitude towards him. Though I'm no longer 'in-love' with him, how do you stop loving someone you chose to spend your entire life with? I care very much for him and people can't understand how I've forgiven and moved on so easily (it was far from easy, but maybe I just made it appear that way).

ok, I'm rambling - let me get to the point.

From day one I made the decision that I would not let my heart become hard. Decisions were made out of my control (the A) which would affect the rest of my life, but I could either become bitter or choose to let the anger, bitterness, desire for revenge and hurt go. Why should I let him have that kind of control over me?

So that's what I chose.

Now, because I have a soft heart towards him (don't get me wrong, I have my moments - the last thing I'm trying to do is paint myself as some saint) it means that his presence in my life doesn't make me want to vomit. My heart is being HEALED.

That's why I've made choices over the last 5 months that many would disagree with. Ive spent a day ice-skating and bbq'ing with him and our daughter, I attended his work's children's christmas party this week and the 3 of us are flying back to England together for his brother's wedding next year.

I've been told by family members that I'm weak - but I prefer (of course!) to see it as gentleness.

He did what he did. He chose what he chose. My decision to look at it this way was for my little girl. 20 years from now what would I want for her? Parents who couldn't stand a bar of each other or parents who were capable of attending school functions, ballet concerts and weddings together.

I'm young enough to find love again and have children with someone else - something I really want - but when I find the right man I have already decided my relationship with him will come before a friendship with the X. I think it is amazing your BF is so understanding but as your relationship moves forward - what if it becomes a problem for him? How will you handle it?

My other thought (which applies to myself) is is there any hidden agenda in having such a friendship with the X. I have to be very careful about this because obviously it would feel wonderful to have him begging me to come back. I wouldn't take him back - but it sure would make me feel better! Is there - deep down - any of that in it for you too?

I look forward to learning more about all this on your thread while I try to navigate my way too.