I think it's hard to put every situation under one umbrella. It will feel wrong for some but it will feel right for others.

I'm sorry it didn't work for you tst. I'm absolutely with you on people living the consequences of their decisions and I agree healthy boundaries need to be in place.

An example of the healthy boundaries I'm keeping, while keeping a 'friendship' with the X for our daughter's sake is that while I'm flying back to England with him for his brothers wedding next year, I'm not staying with him. While at the wedding I'll sit with him (with our daughter in-between) but I'm staying in different accommodation - despite an invitation to stay where he'll be.

For me there's nothing dysfunctional in what JinGA's doing if the healthy boundaries are there (which I believe they are).