"But I find it a little odd that you still are considering the possibility that your dating may get your XH to want you back. I dunno, it just gives me a feeling that perhaps you are still not over him? Because if you were totally over him, I would think that you really wouldn't give a rat's butt as to how he reacts to it - so would you consider taking him back if he asked you to? Has he dated at all in the past two years?"
I don't feel totally over him and don't know when I will... I do realize that getting involved may help me 'feel' over him more... at least temporarily... but I don't want to use another man that way and don't want to get involved with a new man until I am sure I am over WXH for good. Hence my non-involvement to date. I do however feel less and less for my WXH and am finally starting to believe it is possible to someday not feel anything like desire for him anymore.
And the caring about how he will react is getting less and less a factor for me too. He is currently in a self-pity stage where he is pretending that he needs to recover from the divorce... he's saying the same sort of stuff to his family and our daughters that he said about his first wife leaving him (years before I even met him)... he's spinning it as if the divorce happened to him instead of him insisting on it after cheating on me.
Also, all I have to do is remember how horribly cruel he was to me and our daughters to counter any concern for how he will take it when I meet a new man.
As to taking him back if he asked: I doubt seriously he will ask that UNLESS he gets jealous about me being with a new man. And I would want to be sure before then that I would never consider taking him back. And even if he asked before I got involved with another man I doubt seriously he would be willing to make any of the changes that would be needed in order for me to trust him enough to give him another chance. I would have to see major changes over an EXTENDED period of time first... I can't even tell you how many years of positive efforts from him it would take LOL.
And as each day, week, month...year has ticked by, the more ticked off I've become and less likely to want to give him another chance someday. I mean I can see now just how little I meant to him compared to other people, his ego, his reputation, etc. And when I think about how little our daughters mean to him I don't think I can ever completely understand that let alone get over it to the point that reconciliation would be possible. The more time has gone by, both my hope and the chances of recovery have diminished.
I think I'm getting very close now to the point where I will no longer have any interest in reconciliation even if by some miracle WXH finally says and does ALL that he needs to.
It's just I am SO SURE that WXH has interpreted my not dating as more time for him to put off any recovery attempt, and/or he won't realize he wants me until he knows he has lost me to another.
But I will say that is much less a concern for me now than it was in the past. Hopefully there will come a time when I will not care at all what reaction my WXH will have to my dating. And IMHO THAT will be the appropriate time to start dating, right?
Last edited by meremortal; 01/03/08 08:02 AM.