I don't know your case well, but from the clues you've given, he was/is an abusive personality. Unless he has hit rock bottom - nothing left to live for in life, etc. - he will not change one iota for you because, in his mind, anything that went wrong was completely your fault. Abusers are never at fault; they are perpetual victims.

Therefore, you are still, IMO, acting in your abusee mode. I urge you to read "Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men" by Lundy Bancroft (http://www.amazon.com/Why-Does-He-That-Controlling/dp/0425191656). Also, look up tally's thread. You will see what sounds to me like similar behavior (hers and yours) and a tendency to be willing to give up any progress just to have the man back.

I'm not trying to diss on you, it just scares me that your posts sound so much like you've spent this time just waiting for him to wise up and come and sweep you off your feet once again while, most likely, he hasn't given you ten minutes' thought in that time. Sorry to be so blunt, but your comments scared me, for your sake.

Have you done any work on yourself in that time? You sound a little bit like a codependent personality, in that you've remained separate from men but you're still waiting for the romance - whoever it comes from - to come in and take over for you. FOO issues? Studied your patterns to make sure you don't pick the same type of person?