It felt like my H was getting off scott free, and it killed me. I wanted him to hurt as much as I did/do.

wonderin, for me, I don't wish the pain the BS experiences on anybody, even my FWH, but it would go a long way if he tried to better understand me by asking me how I'M doing, how I'M feeling, how I'M coping. It would make a great deal of a difference if he showed concern for what I've been thru and comforting me.

In the absense of the BS divorcing the WS, and MAJOR problems directly affecting the WS due to the adultery (eg children shunning them and their OP, financial problems, loss of family, friends, etc), what consequences are their for the WS affair?

I think there is an assumption, also, that a FWS will 'get it' and take responsibility and seek forgiveness for what they have done TO their BS. I think even Dr. Harley states that some FWS NEVER feel/show remorse for their A. Is the absense of remorse an indicator that this particular WS doesn't feel what they've done is WRONG and are more susceptible to seeking out another A when things aren't so easy or good at home?

I hope that made sense. I've been thinking about this thread a lot.

Married 1997; son, 8yo
Divorced April 2009