Patriot, have you told your BW the ENTIRE truth yet?

You were asking where you have control. The control is in the lying. It's manipulation, aka, control. You're not giving your BW the truth to make her own choices for one. At some point, she may give up. This road is tooooo hard for this kind of stuff going on. I wouldn't even consider it recovery if you're still lying to her.

How about lying by ommission? Are you doing that?

Husband was unfaithful to me before and after our marriage, at least 7 times. I found out 13 yrs into the marriage. Trickle truth for an entire year. Several different d-days, so it was more like a d-year. Difficult recovery.