ok. here is something

the following is my thoughts, which I am tossing out there to have them be seen. I am not trying to manipulate anyone.

I lie to avoid conflict. I believe, to varying degrees, that frozen over reacts to my actions, so I lie to avoid the conflict of that. In my mind I justify it because I am not doing anything wrong and she just overreacts.

reminder.... this is my internal thinking and I SEE flaws in it. Again, not trying to persuade anyone here.

a little over three years ago was DDay. Before I had an affair that lasted 1.5 years, I had not had one. Since that time, I have not had one. These are important facts to me. they seem less important to people here and I don't understand why. to me, it is the whole reason we are all here.

if there was no affair, you wouldn't be here, save the occasional idiot looking for a good time reading this stuff.

so, if I stop the affair, and take some steps to not do it again, isn't that a great thing?

I have not had any more inappropriate relationships with women. that is my stance. Maybe people here see it otherwise. I am willing to attempt to defend my position. I certainly don't go ****** around with the office fluzzies like some others. In fact, I pretty much do my work in the day and come home on or about the time I am supposed to. I don't go hardly anywhere alone. Most of the time, if it without frozen, I take a kid.

I am probably starting to defend... I have ADD and my mind wanders in this posts.

so I will stop. I lie because I think it is overreacting to explode over a conversation with a female. She did not talk about her relationship at length. I was not asked for advice. I was polite and when I left the situation, I couldn't have cared less. All during this time, it was well known that I was married and I mentioned "I'll need to check with my wife" all the time on anything with anyone.

And I did check with her.

So this is what is in my head. trying to put myself in her shoes really doesn't seem to be doing it. I am terrible at empathy because I can just simply disconnect at will.

sometime not at will I think. I don't know.

I understand that the lack of empathy is causing a big problem. I understand that lying is wrong and there is no excuse.

But my mind still work the way it does. Any ideas on how to change that?