Thank you for your response, TFC.

Extra kudos to you both for your marriage...it take what it takes to get right where you are today.

About being judgmental...you judged your past actions as wrong...which is why you stopped doing them. You changed your course. We judge actions. That's okay. In fact, it's necessary, isn't it?

Do you mean hypocritical? Possibly for disapproving of what someone is doing/has done that you, also, have? That's not hypocritical...that's valid disapproval. You don't approve of yourself doing it...you understand solidly the same actions/choices of others...you would be the valid source to disapprove, wouldn't you? You've walked in those shoes.

I see the wedding ceremony as where we symbolically approve by standing for the wedding. I see the reception as participating in their celebration of their marriage. So I'm reversed from your H. See how communicating in symbols is tough? lol

I think your plan to go ahead with DD's birthday plans is respectful. And I love the dialogue you and your H have had about this, increasing your intimacy, IMO, so I don't see a downside.

When you both agree on a course and follow it, your feelings will change. You have mixed beliefs right now...and if you don't know it's an affair marriage or not, then you don't know.

I've been to weddings where I didn't know, either. Didn't stop me from being a friend to their marriage afterwards.

What a team you are, TFC...working this out together, holding to your boundary of consideration, respect, acceptance and love. To me, you guys symbolize acting from healthy marital boundaries.

I take inspiration from your post.

LA