I've married about a year and a half. I've felt like it was a mistake since we were engaged. My husband proposed after we knew each other 3 months. My family was in a different state, and I was starting a new life after graduation, so didn't have any friends really. I felt very isolated, and he was someone to hang out with during that time. our relationship got to the 'will you marry me?' part really fast in my opinion. i felt very panicked when he asked, and i think i said 'yes' because my parents hadn't met him yet, i was afraid of hurting him, and he was older and ready to marry. ::guilt:: if not me, then would he ever marry? it was more like a 'yes?'. i did feel good about it at one point when we talked about it before he proposed, but i felt like he kinda pushed it too.
i started to panic a lot while engaged, mostly because i didn't know if i loved him. i told him several times that i wasn't sure about it, and he always blew it off. i was scared to break it off. i almost called off the wedding 6 weeks before (again all my emotional support was out of state and felt virtually non-existent.) i decided marriage wasn't about being 'in love' and i would just make it work, so i sucked it up and went through with it.
the first year was really hard because every month i would break down, feeling like i was living a lie. we've gotten past that, and i'm trying to focus on the 'now'. i've been 'going with the flow' the past 4 months, and there has been less conflict. but i don't really feel any different.
all the advice i hear is 'how to save your marriage by falling BACK in love'. welp. i NEVER had that. he does however love me with every inch of his soul (which is kind of annoying). a lot of the times i feel guilty because i don't think it would care that much if he wasn't a part of my life, and i don't 'miss' him, or want to be around him very often. i feel like i was trying to communicate that to him when we were engaged. i have a hard time respecting him for marrying someone who was trying to tell him 'hello! i'm not sure i want to be with you' he gets annoyed because it's in the past... but my feelings haven't really changed.
instead of feeling bitter and cheated for the rest of my life, any ideas on how to make a marriage work with someone you were never sure you were 'in love with', but is a great person, with great qualities....
Some days I feel like i'm going to have a break-down because i don't want to be with this person. i get scared of bringing a child into our marriage. Other times I'm like "any two people can make a marriage work, even if they were never 'in love', if they choose to respect and take care of each other".
it seems like all i hear is "you're screwed, BUT God says make it work so you'll just have to be miserable."
Can anyone relate?? Should I give up and ask for divorce, and set us both free? I'm 24, and although not old, I'm scared to start over. Or is this fixable? And if so, is it smart to get pregnant? I've been dealing with this for a like 2 years now and I'm going crazy!! It's been like a living [censored]!