My own experience is that if you don't have that "special feeling" towards your spouse, you never will. I cared about and loved my wife, but in hindsight I was never IN love with her, and feel like crap about that fact because that means 13 years wasted for both of us, and yes I got a similar "suck it up and stick with it" speach as well. As far as hurting him, which is more painful: the pain of a breakup, or continuing to live a charade?