Originally Posted By: badgas
My own experience is that if you don't have that "special feeling" towards your spouse, you never will. I cared about and loved my wife, but in hindsight I was never IN love with her, and feel like crap about that fact because that means 13 years wasted for both of us, and yes I got a similar "suck it up and stick with it" speach as well. As far as hurting him, which is more painful: the pain of a breakup, or continuing to live a charade?

OK- so this is what I'm wrestling with: in marriage vows, it's a promise of what you're going to do. love you even when I don't want to, forsake all others, etc. so doesn't choosing to love him even if I'm not sure of my feelings fall under my vows? Or is it I will love you until I'm not sure I feel like I'm in love with you... I seriously am wondering. Don't vows account for circumstances in which the couple may run into: if I meet someone else I have feelings for I will "forsake all others". If things don't go the way I want them to in our relationship, I'll be here "for better or for worse".

Wouldn't everyone divorce at some point if they weren't 'in love' anymore? I really don't mind being with him, loving and taking care of him for the rest of our lives... but it seems like wherever I turn, people tell me that my feelings trump my vows? I thought only death trumped them, or an affair (which I don't intend to go there).

I'm not trying to sound preachy or my high horse, or in denial, but it does disturb me how it seems like vows don't really mean anything. Aren't we supposed to make them mean something by fulfilling them?

Even Christians have been telling me I'm wrong about this... it's discouraging.