OK- so I guess I did at one point. I did have feelings for him. But I feel like it was just at the beginning, and didn't have a chance to grow before we were already engaged. Once it became about commitment, I think I just freaked out and wasn't sure how i felt about him.

Like 6 moths before I met him I was still in college and like dating a different guy every month. I think part of me was like 'how is this any different than all he other guys i dated this year?' I guess things were different w/ my H, as far as, I wasn't like 'looking for a boyfriend'.. I was actually into who he was as a person.

It just went so fast.. especially for not even feeling comfortable with it.

It was like: Hey nice to meet you...dating...I think I might love you...engaged... second thoughts...freaking out...married...what the heck did I just do?...fighting a lot...questioning marriage.. trying to work through it.

But yes, I did have feelings for him. I think I did 'fall' for him. however brief our courtship was. Maybe what I'm struggling with is not having a lot of those positive memories to look back on.