You are gifted too catperson.

However, the way in which LoveAnyways writes is...not to trivilize it...from an experienced English writer and from an experienced relationalist.

The true gift that is produced is the willingness to publically display these positive experiences to help another person.

I again thank you for the time.

Bethany and I did review the entirty of this forum last evening, and did not come to any startling conclusions...She still kissed me, told me she loved me, and she thinks that some of the points made here were mis-interpitated (sp..). She agrees that I need to wean myself off a 24 hour habit...and she, again, stated that if I did not watch porn; it would make her feel more confident about herself, with me, in the bedroom.

There is a bit of a ... ?push and shove? ... between being thought of as a SA and just wanting SF as an EN.

Bethany said that she doesn't mind what I do, espcially currently, because she thinks she cannot keep up with that EN...because we are not married and living toghther...and only see each other once or twice a week.

I countered her ...self-pity... with the fact that even right now this thread has opened my eyes to the fact that our SF is typically focused on me and I want to work at ensuring that I am not listening to the 'evil' SA in my mind...At least a lot less... and ensuring that our SF is a circle of energy; not a one-way pounding.

Additionally, I have stated that we need to work on not just 'fulfilling my SF' through intercourse...But through other foreplay activities...Which, IR mentioned is nearly impossible with the way i've accustomed myself to respond to my own touch...Very true.

I am not going to watch porn for a week...And I think that even is a bad goal...Once that week is over, I am sure I will compound it with a further exention of NOPORN.

My removal of my archieve and diving back into the addiction; was not viewed as a horrible thing in my mind...Mostly becasue I did not view what I was doing as a 'problem'. I understand, more so now, that it is...And i will take the steps to become a better spouse to Bethany.

In the end it kinda made me feel stupid, wondering how SF could be an 'addictive' substance...I've heard of 'sex addicts' before, but also thought that meant of Men who try to conquer as many women as they can, sexually. I did not realize that SA could be internal as well.

This world is really screwed up then(men)...Cause I don't have any guy friends (that I know of) NONE HEAR ME...that do not participate in MBing.

That includes friends with signifigant others.

This thread has really made me feel like these problems that have been plauging me for months...are finnally starting to come out of the woods...I can feel the happyness that i've been missing for months inside me again.

Maybe I am just a farsh...Only time will tell...But for once, I don't feel the:

"yep we just had a fight about this...lets have sex and feel better for awhile"

I feel:

"Wow, I am really understanding these things in a different light...I really need to make some reforms inside of me, but Bethany is by my side and supporting me. We can do this."

Talk is cheap...and its been 48 hours.

Thanks again everyon...WoW, mid typing my fiancee calls me and tells me that her Leo engagement ring was 'stolen' while in for repairs.

I'm out...Life's stuff calls.