OK, weak character combined with pride. My ENs most definitely were not being met in our marriage, and I did get into situations where I found myself attracted to another guy, like going off for coffee breaks with a guy from work. What did I do? I stopped going. I had little trust in my ability to avoid an affair. Over the course of my life, I've gotten into this situation several times, and the instant I recognized it I got away from the person as soon as I could.

My husband developed a friendship that turned into weekly lunches. I told him I was concerned about it, and he said, "I can handle it."

He did handle it. He stopped talking about it, figuring that what I didn't know wouldn't hurt me.

"Pride goeth before the fall.'

To this moment, I am very bitter. There's more to my story, but I married a man who was very proud of his integrity and character. His affair did not humble him. Now he feels more forgiving of others because he understands how they could get into an affair or being abusive. There still is no empathy for the woman he chose to marry. Instead, I am of a less compassionate character because of my bitterness.

The heart of a good marriage, I believe, is the desire to understand the other person. He completely lacks that. He made a commitment to me, and it seems to me that that commitment is that I should put up with whatever he dishes out.

The bitterness is not over what he did years ago. The bitterness is over his ongoing complete lack of desire to understand me or even to learn what is going on in my life. I put up with it because our children are still young, and I can work part time and be available to them after school and during the summer. There is no emotional connection between us but there is between the children and me. I settled for a bad marriage when the choice was between that and the life associated with divorce. I settled for the sake of our children.


Last edited by Cherished; 04/23/09 06:24 AM.