It's funny, I was just thinking about starting a thread like this, about the character of a WS, or rather their sense of integrity.
My thoughts are this-I've been around this board awhile, and I've learned that one of the reasons spouses go Wayward is because of unfulfilled emotional needs, whatever they may be. The other spouse fails to fulfill the soon to be wayward spouse's top ENs, someone else comes along promising to fulfill those needs and bingo, an affair is born.
Except for one catch. I see posts from other people on this board, people with ENs that have gone unfulfilled for years. Wives whose husbands barely talk to them, or show any affection or romance, husbands who are frustrated over their wives' low or non-existent desire for SF, which they may have lived with for years.
According to the MB formula, these folks should have gone Wayward some time ago. Yet, as far as one can tell from their MB posts anyway, they remain faithful. Not only that, but from what I've seen on the forum, more often than not it's the spouses refusing to provide ENs who end up going Wayward! For example, the wife who refuses to have SF with her husband goes and has an affair where SF is frequent and freely given-to the OM.
One conclusion one could come to is that the spouses who remain faithful despite their top ENs NOT being met seem to have a stronger sense of integrity, a stronger moral fibre, than the ones who go wayward. And yet Dr. Harley is reputed to say that ANYONE could become a WS under the right circumstances...
So what to make of all that? Is it that some people's character is far stronger than others, or that the frustrated spouses I've mentioned above simply haven't really faced temptation yet?
Loved this post.
I sit back and think NOW about my FWH (since the A and i took off my rose colored glasses for the first time since i met him) and i do believe that he has been somewhat "selfish" our entire marriage (i allowed it to happen so i can't put all the blame on him). I have went 25 years with some of my ENs not being met and i have not considered having an A.
In a way i guess i could say that i have not faced temptation yet because i just naturally have followed EPs when it comes to members of the opposite sex.
I think my FWH "selfishness" made it easier for him to cross that line for sure. However I am not sure if that is "weak" character or "lack of integrity".