I can understand why my first post seemed young and naive, since this is an aspect of my personality that seems not to have "grown up." The rest of my has gotten old and wrinkly however smile

You misunderstood - my marriage and divorce was long over before I met my current bf so he had nothing to do with that.

You are correct that I have never stopped loving him through the years though. I ran into him with his ex gf several years back, after I realized that he was "the one" that I should have held onto. We had a friendly exchange, but it was a very sad moment for me, realizing the mistake I had made and watching him walk away with another woman. Working through that book I mentioned helped me to realize that the memory of this moment is a key to the problem. I shared this revelation with him and it helped him understand. We had a beautiful talk last night that left me feeling very cherished, so I feel optimistic about working through it.