I understand that the highest divorce rates are Police, Pastoral, and Military. At least thats what I read a couple times and it really makes sense because all of these professions or callings have to deal with reality of human behavior.

I have been married twice.
The first at 18 I was committed to the "Idea" of marriage and not to loving my wife unconditionally. We were not ready. We lasted 5 years. Our total time together was 7 years,(16 yrs old).

The second Marriage was at 27 and I had decided that my commitment would be to God and unconditional love. I didn't trust Her as much as I trusted that God would keep her. I allowed a lot of crap to happen that I knew was wrong and that hurt me deeply because I thoght I needed to. I was gaslighted by her amazing knowledge of scripture and because God had pulled her out of such a terrible place to believe any problems I had were my problems. That improper relationships with other men, drinking, and her unwillingness to help me save money or build a foundation for our family was my problem. I should have been able to compartmentalize my carreer goals and supply all the familys needs while she did whatever she wanted. For some reason she thought I should have been OK with being disrespected and cheated on. I didn't blame God, I blamed her interpitation of HIm.
Even with my best efforts to cover her behavior to the children and patiently wait for her to see on her own what she was doing I still broke down after time and never made that carreer goal for my family. She eventually relapsed into substance abuse because life wasn't turning out like she wanted it to and she became bitter about everything. It took her becoming bitter first thogh before the substance and self abuse to kick in. Then in her own mind she spiraled down, refusing counsel from anyone.

This place here, MB seems to me to be a good balance between what people need from each other in a tangible way from marriage and the concepts and faith all of us need to embrace from God in order to grow. Individually and together as a couple.
I believe that regardless of what profession, carreer we follow we can have a relationship that can thrive if we work on it.
One of the questions God asks us about relationships is put to us .."How can two walk together if they not be agreed?"
We need to communicate what we feel and be honest not only to our feelings but to reality and growth in any marriage.
A popular line I hear from military is "If The Army wanted you to have a Wife they would have issued you one". The military is not going to make a priority of marriage, its going to make a priority of service to the country and all the politics associated with military life first. They are in the business of keeping the soldier alive and functional to protect the country first. The soldier is responsible for maintaining his/her personal life outside the military. They provide services to help them but they don't change their focus on a strong military to suit the emotions of the soldier. Thank God for that.

I cried when I was told I had major orthopedic issues and could only join the service if I signed waivers when I was 18. I also on the same day found out that 18 yr old wife was pregnant. I decided to serve my country the bast way would be to be patriotic and work hard and stay out of the service to take care of my wife and child. It was the right decision at the time but when I see the young men and women giving thier lives for us I can't help but regret that I never served. Many of the military personel I have had time to spend with have said I would have done well in the service. One guy that said that was someone who was from the pentagon that I happened to work for one afternoon. Its allways been people in authority who have said this sort of thing. I have many times been mistaken as law enforcment or military just because of the way I act or interface with people.
My second wife often reffered to me as a "drill Sgt" in a loving way when things were good in our family. I respect personal accountability and order with reguards to prioritys in life.
My first priority needs to be myself and my relationship to God. Since my 2nd wifes death I have been struggling with this relationship. "sorting it out" so to speak. When I become balanced in my life again enough to serve others I will feel whole and will be able to sleep well and look at myself in the mirror again. My goals are healthy ones and day by day things get better. It takes time and thank God for my children who are supporting me through this time of grief. I intend to be there for them and set an example of how to rebound from the losses we suffered from Moms sickness. I don't relate all the negative feelings or issues I deal with about their Mom because it would hurt them and I would rather just be around for them when they have questions. They wll need me then.

Coming here I realized how simple and real MB concepts were and how they can work in any marriage. Many of us have to put the concepts to work instaed of trying to make them fit in our concepts. We need to realize that we were doing something wrong before and be willing to submit to the authority of someone skilled as Doc H. Some of us have concepts we will not let go of and that can be quite a challange. The question is whether we are ready to break out of the way we look at life enough to grow internally. Some are not but regaurdless MB can help in a marriage because the communication and intimacy can be restored.

I feel like I went on a lot here. I hope that what I said helped a little bit.


Me 56 Former BS
Widowed 5-17-09 --married 25 years.
4 children
DS-35 previous marriage--18-22 DGrandSons 6 and 4
Me former BS
DD-29 with DGDs 5 and 1yr
DSs 26 and 23
Teilhard de Chardin..We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience. ...Sounds about right to me.