Originally Posted by Pepperband
I don't quite know what makes me revert into these self-absorbed patterns and forget to POJA and simply relax and let our relationship be number one. It is most of the time, but then I lapse and feel like a failure. At these times, I start to wonder if I am truly defective and beyond help, but I know this is not true. I am not sure what the my question is, really, other than I need some help at learning how permanently stop these selfish behavior patterns. My commitment and determination are not in question. I will work at it until she gives up, not me. How do I stop these traits of the old GreenMile and make them go away completely? My heart is where it needs to be, but my behavior patterns are not there yet.


Have you ever ridden a rental horse at a stable?
You know, the type of horse that has carried many a rider down the same trail, over and over and over again.
Have you ever tried to get such a horse to go against history and habit, and try a different trail?
He will not.
Not at first.

That's you.
Learning a new trail.
But, at times, your old stubborn neural pathways tries to reclaim the old ways.

Sorry about comparing you to a horse ... grin

Thanks PB! That is about right, I guess. As for the horse, I know them very well, because not only do DWG and I take care of 7 of them, but I was part of one myself for a very long time.

Last edited by GreenMile; 05/26/10 06:56 PM.

FWH, age 63. 24 years of narcissistic behavior, infidelity, and emotional abandonment of my BS, age 57, DancesWithGoats (DWG). D-day two years ago, leading to emotional breakdown. Been working MB program and toward spiritual transformation and personal growth since then, with some slow but real progress. DWG still with no trust, but with grief starting to subside a bit.