Breaking out of poor communication and bad thoughts about your spouse is a very big issue for me.

I know they are huge LB's and lead to DJ's- I do not find it sasy to "just stop". Patterns have taken years to be established and it is next to impossible to identify (at first) the thoughts and patterns that lead conversations down this path.

The book, Couple Skiils by McKay, Fanning and Paleg
(I have seecond edition)
is a good source to start with. It is broken up to many strategies, you can chose the chapter that can be helpful to you. It cites historical precident for the strategy and theoretical background.

It also tells you how long they feel a strategy/lesson is going to take. Most need 6+ weeks before and real change occurs.

Me; W 46
Him; H 46

2 girls
Dated/Married total 28 years.
..I am learning and working on myself.