My two cents.

GM, it sounds as if you're in a state of Intimacy from what you're saying... but Conflict creeps in and your Taker is rearing his ugly head repeatedly from your posts. You're vacillating between the two states.

Why not pledge to try a time period of simply meeting needs with ZERO expectations? Set a limit for how long you believe you can keep it up -- a few months, a year, whatever -- and do your level best to try to love her without wanting or expecting anything in return.

DWG has been at this game a long time. She's exhausted. She needs you to run with recovery for a time while she catches her breath from years of trying to bring you back to Intimacy.

The hidden benefit here is, you'll stop thinking about yourself for a while, and stop obsessing about what she's thinking. Set your time limit for how long you're willing to try this experiment of just meeting her needs without any thought for your own. When that time ends, talk with her about where you are.

Chances are good you'll both be in a much better place. But I don't think DWG has the energy to give much right now, and is deeply in Conflict verging on Withdrawal.