Originally Posted by Wheels_spinning
Originally Posted by GreenMile
Last night, she stopped what she was doing at the computer when I came in the room, looked me straight in the eye and asked me, "Why are you here?" She wanted the big answer. Why am I still in this marriage? .... In this case, she really was looking for an answer, because of the thought that I did not feel "in love" with her. I tried to explain, but it did not help. When she asks for a response specifically, I am compelled to answer and explain, but it is always wrong or simply not believed due to the destruction of trust.

Of course maybe we are all reading into this too much and her real question was what are you doing here? meaning: I wasn't expecting you to be home.

Naah. We are always together at home or when we run out to do stuff. I am retired. She meant exactly what I thought she meant. In this kind of question, I think HerPapaBear is right. Openness and honesty. And be prepared to give it calmly and with understanding to this important question, and let the chips fall where they may. That is what I did. The chips were difficult. But apparently I did the right thing, until I tried to explain too much.

FWH, age 63. 24 years of narcissistic behavior, infidelity, and emotional abandonment of my BS, age 57, DancesWithGoats (DWG). D-day two years ago, leading to emotional breakdown. Been working MB program and toward spiritual transformation and personal growth since then, with some slow but real progress. DWG still with no trust, but with grief starting to subside a bit.